Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Friday, May 18, 2012

title-less...

Once again, its 22.10.. and its my first time to actually sit down and have a chance to go on the computer...
   I dont understand where the day goes? It feels like i wake up... and somehow the day just zooms by, and then suddenly its 10/11pm and its my first time to sit infront of the computer... and then i dont get into bed until 12/1am, and then because of my stupid bodies alarm clock, i wae at 8... and o the same thing the next day? But what i do... that varies each day?
  Does anyone else feels like this.. that life is just zooming by, and you dont even know where its going?
I feel like i want adventure now!!! Something new adn exciting :)

Anyway....

Today i went to meet my P.T... when i got to the gym though,  i was told that the P.T i had been assigned wasnt there... I was actually happy... i didnt at all want to be at the gym, i didnt have energy, felt tired. And i didnt feel like training..
 But i was told that i would get someone else to show me around and make a plan with me.

Yeah.. what can i say? its not exactly a walk in the park. I felt so weird though... this small, thin, white girl standing in the gym where there where these muscular, toned, fit women who knew what they were doing and all the buff guys who were lifting weights... safe to say i didnt fit in.. -_-
  But the P.T i got assigned showed me all the machines, but it felt weird... of course it does, it was my first time doing strength training.
  My P.T was  really tall... Like me and a half.. and im 175cm .... he was maybe 200cm or something? i dunno?
  Then it was up to me to decide what i was going to do.. i was thinking about heading home, i wasnt in the mood to do strength and didnt want to swim.. but i decided that i was in my gym clothes and had dragged myself to the gym.. i might aswell do something, so i went on the elliptical for a half hour (this is my new favourite gym machine!!! first the treadmill, then the elliptical!! I hate the bicycle one...)


   I then got my mum to pick me up ^_^ Reminding my mum that she usually picks up my sister after she's been at the gym.. now she has to start doing the same with me!! hi hi... nah :)
   We then went food shopping where we stacked on yummy food!!! I was hungry then... so everything looked really good... like i was planning on eating loads when i got home.. haha!!
 I did get  a huge bag of pick N' Mix as it was a good price... (the bag is gonna last like forever!! ahah)
But ive been munching away on sweets... knowing that i need to get the calories into me.. but at the same time, i feel like all my good work at the gym is bring ruined...?  is that sick thinking... Like i jsut think it would be better if i ate more nutrious food to get the calories into me?

  But i didnt get any anxiety anyway...

In all honesty, i feel alot better... sure, theres still thoughts there... but at the same time, im like being skinny isnt everything...
   Im not trying to gain weight, im not trying to lose weight... but at the moment... thats causing some confusion inside of me, cus im lost... how much do i eat? But i know the answer... i eat like normal, a little extra or more protein rich if im training... i mean, i want to build muscle now... gain muscle until im 58kg... ?? :)

The rest of the day ive been studying and doing hte laundry with my mum... and thats about it!!: :)
   Not such a fun day... :)

Whats everyone been up to? :)




3 comments:

  1. Wow, you have great abs, hopefully some thins doesn't find those pictures so it doesn't turn out like that time you told about your picture being posted there!
    Don't worry about those sweets, what bad can they do? In my class there are a lot of professional swimmers/tennis players who eat lots of junk food, but are healthier and more fit than me!

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  2. i want to say you look good, but at the same time motas cus you can see that you've lost weight.... and i don't want to encourage it by complimenting. you...? i hope you get it? (:

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  3. Get those sweets in you hun! its clearly not doing your body any harm... quite the opposite in fact, cos i agree with the above poster, you DO look thinner, i know you said you havent really been weighing or trying to lose. but please be careful, cos you DO look like youve lost :-s
    Going to the gym and having energy is great, but if your body reacts negatively, its not gonna make you stronger, it'll just go back to eating up your muscles and then you'll have to work even harder to get healthy.
    Take care chick and have a good weekend!!
    x

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