Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Monday, April 2, 2012

Weight gain Taboo

I've thought about this for a while... why is weight gain such a taboo?
  No one speaks about gaining weight.. its looked upon as something bad..  everyone wants to lose weight? Diet. eat healthy. cut the carbs & the fat. no junk food. Lots of exercise... what are you left with? Protein and running everyday, and feeling guilty after you eat that chocolate piece, or eating a slice of pizza.. having to burn the calories away...
Everyday, you see adds to lose weight.. lose it with this diet, with that diet.. do this. do that. Lost 10kg.. lose 20 pounds.. look like this.. dont look like that.
   Everyday you might not even realise it.. but you get affected by these messages, they can be subliminal.
 You see it on the internet, on the TV, in magazines, waiting for the bus, waiting for the tube... everywhere.
Everywhere you see these Perfect models. the perfect body, the perfect hair... the perfect life.. But thats not the way it is... thats not true. Its just photo shopped. its all digitally edited.

You're told all the time, or read about it.. to not eat 'this' or 'that'. to watch your calories, and to exercise... to keep healthy.
  Sure, you should get some type of exercise everyday, eat your 5 a day. drink 8 glasses of water.... that is healthy.
  but what happens to the underweight people, the people who need to gain weight. While everyone else is being told to not eat junk food, not eat as much bread... the people who need to gain weight are told the opposite.
  Who wants to be un normal? who wants to stuff they're face with chocolate, just because they can... just because they have to?
  You want to fit in with the others, do what the others are doing... it might not be a consicous thing.. it might be sub conscous.
  All these messages...

You cant change what you look like, you have the shape you have. Your body has a normal weight, a healthy weight... why change that? why cant people just accept themselves for how they are.. how they look.
You're told to be skinny, but not too skinny. You're told to diet, but not eat nothing. Your told to do this, but not do that...

All these rules, all these expectations...  WHY??
   Because of these 'rules'.. this perfect body image.. this 'way to look' so many people are becoming sick. Eating disorders, depression, self harm, anxiety, body image disorder...

When did the focus of everyones attention go from work and studying, to body image, food and training?
  Before it was sexy to have curves, but now its just to be as thin as possible?? When & why?

I mean, i hate & am embarrassed to say that i need to gain weight.
  Im no longer thin... i no longer look underweight. So it feels embarrassing to say that i need to gain weight.
  It feels taboo... its feels unnormal and unnatural.

Also... BMI.... Where the hell did that come from? I think it is so 19th century to follow the BMI calculater.. its some fucked up system... some numbers, that some fat person has come up with to make themselves feel better?
You should know when you're healthy.. you should have energy. You should feel mentally healthy. You should like the way you look and feel good in the way you look + eat healthy of course.
   If you tick all those boxes... then your healthy.. whether you have a BMI of 24 or 16?
Everyone gets so obssessed with this BMI shit... its just a number.. just like your age, your height, your weight... the time, the day, the price of food... its a fucking number.
  Dont base your life around it... your not a horrible person just because you have a BMI of 22.. but you want to be 18? Your not less worthy, or less beautiful.. your you. Your yourself.. and be happy with that.

I just get so fucking pissed off with BMI & all these subliminal messages of weight loss? what has our world come to?


  1. Such an amazing and inspierational post. i agree with everything you write.. nobody wants to say they have to gain weight. You think.. eeryone else is losing wieght. why cant i? and i hate the bmi? why is 19-24 normal? whats wrong with 16,17,18? you can feel fine and healthy when your bmi 17.. but you keep being pushed to go up to 19???

    keep strong. i love your blog and love all the thins you write nad all the things you share on here. your a true fighter and i know youll reocover fully!!!
    good luck

  2. I was just talking about this how theres always lose weight and I think great me too but I need gain weight and thats hard to hear when people who dont know me say dont get fat stay thin its bad to have weight I have to tell them that I have to gain a little but to hear that is heard to tell them I have to gain weight and that I can eat what ever I want l look at the over weight and think I dont want to eat what ever I want if I do I will look like them I dont want my mind to go there but thats what happend I dont want to.
    But its true with diets lose this that fat is bad
    Its like thin is to thin fat is to fat what is the right way to be

  3. du skriver så bra!! jag håller med man ser aldrig reklam för att gå upp i vikt. bara för att banta...
    kämpa på. du är jätte stark!

  4. The fashion indrusty tells us that size 10-12 is plus-size sometimes even size 8, so we think we have to look like runway models to be skinny..And that doesnt help when there´s storys about models who are told to be fat, even if they are clearly underweight..
    The world is so messed up and its getting worse day by day..

  5. I can totally relate to this!
    All the health magazines keep writting about "how bad it is to be fat" and that health would come when we lose weight.
    Not to mention women magazines like "SHAPE" i like some articles there and there are good exercises, but they keep publishing drastic diets and reasons why you should lose weight & motivations.
    But then again, people who haven't had anorexia don't care much about that, like me physiotherapist who looks pretty normal told me that wants to gain weight, not to mention all the professional swimmers who eat like crazy :D