Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, August 15, 2011

thinking about school

Only now am i beginning ot think about shcool.
I mean.. im dreading the homework, and the hours in school, and the work... but thats what everyone goes through.. so why not me?
But what im really worrying about is - The food. -
I mean, everyone eats in school, its normal. For me... for the last 3-4 years... it hasnt been normal to eat in school.
I never ate in school, that was the first thing i cut out... and then i stopped eating at home, osv...


At the moment, im not so fazed about the lunch, i mean, i'll go there with the people in my class, and eveyrone will eat lunch, so i wont be alone in that.
But i am kinda worried about, what i fi dont make friends? i dont want to sit and eat with people i dont like, or what?
And also, what i hated the most in school was that it felt like people watched me eat. I remember that i hated it... thats oner eason why i stopped eating, i felt self conscious.
And i still feel that now, i dont like people watching me eat.. its the worst thing imaginable. So what if i start feeling self conscious again and decide its better to not eat lunch?


I mean, im fully aware of the consequences of not eating. I know what will happen, but it would eb easier to jsut not eat, not think about that.


And also for my snacks... thats what im worrying about the most.
I went ot the dietitian and fixed soem school alternatives,which im happy about.
But i dont know what times i have breaks... what if no one else eats... tehn im sure as Hell not going to eat. I hate being hte only one eating.
One thing which is good though is that if i feel i cant eat my snack in school, my snack isnt that big so i can jsut eat it with my breakfast.. even though i'll be at bursting point.


I hate all this stress. I dont know how things will go. I know once i start school, in a week now, things will settle them selves, i'll find a routine.
But at the moment everything seems scary.


And i mean.. i havent properly been in school for roughly 2 years... and before that.. .well i didnt enjoy school and my eating disorder had full control.


Im so scared to end up back to where i was again??



^^Ârrent we cute??? ^^^



2 comments:

  1. Jag var också orolig för mellanmålen i skolan och precis i början var det bara jag som åt mellanmål, men sen blev mina kompisar alltid så avis när jag tog fram mitt mellis att de också började ta med sig något att äta. Så plötsligt åt de flesta av kompisarna 10-mellis och de som glömt att ta med något kollade avundsjukt på oss andra :P 15-mellis kunde jag oftast äta när jag kom hem eller dela upp lite :)

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  2. Hej (: It's exciting that you're starting school again, a sign that you're so much better now and getting your life back on track! I can definitely see how you're stressed about it though, i mean, school is already just stressful without all this other stuff on top of it. But I'm sure you'll settle back into it, and find friends and all. I'm sure there will be loads of people wanting to be friends with you :) who wouldn't?

    Just try not to let the stress get to you too much, that's kind of what started all my problems last year- all the stress that was on me.

    Your school starts next week? Mine does too, :/ I'm really hoping this year will go well. This week I have marching band camp every day, so i'm at school from around 7 AM to 11 PM every day. You can sleep over at the school but I decided to not do that this year-- i want to sleep in my own bed and relax at home (: But today was the first day of camp, and it's kinda fun, but i don't know... i kind of have mixed feelings about it. A lot of the time it's just not fun, and I have a huge headache right now.. :/

    I have been really wishing lately that I could have somebody to talk to about my anorexia and all, like one of my friends here. But I just can't tell anyone, it's so hard, and after what happened with my one friend that knew... it's still really hard being around her, i can now manage it though and just not really pay attention to her. But I really need her, of course I hate her now and don't exactly want her help, even if she would care. But nobody would ever really believe I'm anorexic now anyway, I've kind of brought myself back to healthy-ish. I don't even really know what I am right now... but i'm definitely still not healthy, even if I am okay physically.

    Anyway... I really should be getting to bed, getting up early to go to band tomorrow :( haha it's spirit day so we'll all be wearing crazy clothes, i've been working on my outfit for a little bit tonight :)

    I hope things are well with you! And by the way, I love the song Crawl as well :)

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