Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

things are the way they should be :D

Hello, there!! :)
   As the title says - Things are going forwards.... and after 14 weeks as an inpatient - Im outta here!! :)
 Of course, ill still be coming back, maybe eveyrday.... but soon i'll just be here once a month or less :)

Yesterday they took blood tests and i had to fill in all these papers and eat Wii-Base(if you dont know what that is. go here. and scroll down and you'll find out!!)

And jsut as i began crying and getting a bit panicked and angry, cus it seemed, no one had the time for me. No one could sit down with me and plan my week.
   I wanted to know what would happen, would i become a day patient, or what?
But jsut then, as i had just had enough, and wanted to get the hell away from here.
My half supervisor (the kinda chief of inpatients)  came and talked to me... perfect time. Shes been on holiday for four weeks now, but she said that when she came back she was surprised to see me here, she though that i would have been a day patient but now... but she said that she was gonna take me up in the big meeting tomorrow.
   :) hehe

She then told me that why i hadnt become a day patient already was beacuse no one wanted to take the responisbilty of making me a day patient, cus they were worried that i wasnt ready?? I dont know. i feel ive shown that i can do it.
   4 days with mum, no Mando, out in the country, not even using measuring cups, LOTS of walking and swimming, i could have easily have lost wieght. I mean, in the 5 days over Easter i lost 5kg... but i suppose now im a normal weight, so it makes weight loss harder??? (That kinda sucks.:/)
    I feel ive proved myself, but they're still worried??? ugghh

So that gave me a bit of hope, knowing that i might get to become a day patient!!

And then today,  my half supervisor came down and said that next week i'll be a day patient! yayaayayay!!
   And i even got the case manager i wanted!!! :) heheh... i think it'll work.

(Have you realised that ive stopped complaing about my case manager??? Yup... its cus the one i had (which i kept complaining abotu) she moved.. so then i got like 2 other case maangers... and they've been really good, they've been the ones who've let me home and all that. and  i think that the case manager which i get for day patients, i think it'll work. Mainly cus i like her, and i think i could talk t her!!)

So tomorrow, Thursday, i go home and then i'll be home, and then i start day patients on Monday!! Yayayayaya! heheh

Im happy, but i do admit... im kinda scared??? or more.... worried that things will go wrong? but im not gonna let that happen.
  and now its 3 weeks to school - im actually looking forward to it!!Making friends... getting a life... and trying to stop thinking negatively about my body and move on!!

Today its a CF(cystic fibrosis... my other illness.. if you dont know what that is... go here.) meeting... just checking that everything is going well... but i think it is??? :)

Just gotta get through today....

im NOT gonna miss the staff.... well, my case managers i will a bit.. hehe... :)
And even though ive made some connections with the other patients here, i think ive had enough with them... or mainly because they're all so thin... which does make me jealous and makes my day even harder, so its that. that thy're thin, and im not.
   otherwise the other patients are really nice... :)

But i think im ready to make some healthier friends now:) hihi


  1. so im curious about how this they let you know your weight now that you're day patient? do you still use measuring cups as a day patient? do you still have to gain weight or just maintain? how long on average do you have to gain/maintain before you can stop being a day patient? sorry lots of questions...

  2. Errmm... not to so sure how accuratly i can answer.
    Ive been day patient twice before, but both times i didnt behave, or go froward, so ive jsut been stuck at the same point.
    And my whole problem was that once i became a day patient i started losing weight.

    It depends for each person, how quickly it goes before you get rid of measuring cups.

    For the weight, ive never been allowed to know my weght, but i suppose thats something you discuss with your case manager, but i think that now that im my normal weight, that if i ask, i might eb allowed to see my weight??
    It varies, some people jstu dont care, but im one of the people who would like to know :)

    And it also depends on how things are going, on how long you stay a day patient.
    For me, the first time iw as a day patient for roughly 4 months, the first 2 months i came Monday to Friday 8-3.30pm. and then the next two months i had to come to the hotel, basically i was an inpatient again, but i still had my day patient case manager.

    and the second time i was a day patient i was just a day patient for 6 weeks before i had to come back to inpatients.

    But i think now that things are going well, i dont need Mandos help so much so i dont think i'll be here so frequently.

    Most people still gain weight when they're a day patient, but some have are their normal weight meaning that they just have to maintain the weight, which is what i'll be doing. showing that i cna do normal activity, and in time im gonna start training and dancing, and then of course it'll be more pressure to be able to keep the weight on.... :)

    So it varies, person to person. But it goes quicker if you behave, and do things right.

    Hope i helped, in a way?? :)

  3. Vem får du som behandlare nu? :)

  4. Håller med Emelie. SÅÅÅ nyfiken på vem du ska ha. Probably not A, eftersom du nämnde en tjej, hehe ..

  5. sv: Jag känner inte henne, men hon blir säkert bra! Om du själv bett om henne så måste ju det innebära att du fått ett bra första intryck av henne och sånt brukar bli bra :)

    Fin bild på dig i inlägget förresten! :D