Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Lunch went fine today. - if anyone cared.
   You basically get served a plate of food, either meat or vegetarian. I choose veegtarian.
  The portion wasnt that big... but sure, what can i do about that?


Usch... school. Well.. its safe to say. I want to change.
   I dont like the school - not one bit.

Yes it may sound stupid, i've jsut started, and i mean... dont all teenagers hate school? But its not the school work. its the school. the people.

I mean, the students are mostly from diferent countries, which i dont have a problem with, but that means that at the moment, some of them are fasting, due to there religion. so basically out of my class of 9 (Yes... only 9.) there was like 4 of us who ate... Yes.... thats jsut perfect.
   Ana was jsut screaming at me Dont eat. the others dont have to.


And also... im oldest (due to the fact that i was held back last year.) the other are 2 years younger then me and seem so immature.
   I cant handle it. I really cant. On the way home i was nearly in tears and when i got home, i jsut cried.

At the moment im thinking, Mando is better then this. and the thought of starving myself has come up. I know its stupid.
  I wan tot go to school, just not this schhool.

I dont think theres much to do about it.
  But i have a feeling that i'll be coming home crying. :/

Fuck my life.

Just having a bad time. But the eatings going well, apart from these thoughts popping up now as im under stress and im nervous. :/

6 comments:

  1. Hey :)
    Thanks for your comment before and for saying you understand and that I can talk to you whenever. It's weird I guess cos I don't know you, but you do really understand whereas no one around me seems to!

    I'm sorry school was rubbish, I guess it's hard to keep fighting if what you were fighting for kind of lets you down. Just keep positive, you have a whole future ahead of you, this is probably one little blip you have to get through. Really hope it gets better, stay strong :)

    Love Jess
    x

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  2. Ohhhh :( ..ee I have reassurance to send, but post later coss my mom wants to go on the comp :/ :( -x

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  3. Heh heh. yeah it may be weird as you don't know me. but i wish that when i was sicker i had somone to talk to.
    no one understood me.

    when i tried to explain my thoughts. how i felt so panicked because i had to eat.
    the awful thoughts and feelings.
    no and understood. no one listened. no one helped me.

    i wish that i had had someone to talk to. someone who could have told me that it was worth getting better. that you don't have to be.sick forever.

    so i feel that if i can help anyone who's going through the same thing. i really want to. whether its just commenting over my blog. i don't mind.
    :) in fact i like when people comment!!:)

    yeah it kinda seemed like the reason i wanted to get better was so that i could go to school. meet friends. and all that. and now all of a sudden its turned out shit.

    but I've spoken to my mum so we're going to look intoanother school. -phew .-

    how are things now ? i mean. what are your daily eating patterns? do people know you have an ED? :)

    x

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  4. Hey,
    Yeah its just the guilty feelings are so hard to explain, everyone's like 'why don't you just eat' and they don't realise that the guilt of eating is so much worse than all the effects of not eating! It is nice to be able to talk to you and know you completely get it!

    That's good about another school, you need to find somewhere you really like! You're mum sounds really helpful by the way, did she find your ED hard? :)

    Things are pretty low at the moment, I'm on about 300-500 calories, soup and vegetables mainly, but I still feel guilt over that amount, my family and most of my friends know, so every meal is like a battle. I feel like I'm the enemy, not my ED which sucks!
    But like you said, just need to find a really good reason to fight (and actually begin to fight!) :)

    Keep focused on your reason, this time next year you'll probably be really settled at school with loads of friends! :)
    x

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  5. Jag började också en ny skola efter att jag varit borta på mando och trivdes inte heller. Det gick typ två dagar innan jag insåg det och alla andra klagade på att jag var tvungen att ge skolan en chans och så. Men jag stod på mig och bytte skola och det ångrar jag inte en sekund!
    Har du kollat på någon kunskapsskola? På dem får man plugga i sin egen takt och själv bestämma hur mycket tid man vill lägga ner på varje ämne :)
    www.kunskapsskolan.se

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  6. Ahhh, har pratat med min mamma och hon förstör, sa vi ska söka en nya skola, och det känns bra. Jag menar, jag expecterar inte så mycket, men det kan inte bli vare.

    Nej, vi hade inte tänkt så mycket, saken är ju att jag vill få lite kompisar, så vi tänker bara vanlig skola!! Men tack för linken!! :)

    Hur är de med dig? Har du börjat skolan en?

    ReplyDelete