Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Its not a big deal.

Hey there!!! :)

Today i can say has been a pretty good day!.... or better then before.. if i put it that way.

My first 3 classes felt so weird... i mean to actually be doing classes, and studying and learning. And apperently i have a whole bunch of tests and studying to do, and this is like our 3rd day of study - Damn... but thats school... Just gotta get used to it.
   And once i got into the class and started to listen i realised that i had done all of this before, so that was a relif, i knew what was going on, what they were talking about and i could follow. :) And answer questions.
   During the breaks i even caught up on what i had missed and did my homework... hehe :)

But i did overcome a challene thing... or maybe not 'challenge.' But ive (and im sure others with an ED have the same problem?) always hated eating infront of others... ive never been able to do it.
While ive been going to school, ive been eating my morning snack with breakfast, jsut adding a sandwich adn juice to my oatmeal and that... so its not to hard to eat. It would be too cramped if i ate my morning snack at 9/10 and hen ate lunch at 11.  
  But today as i was going to be in school tills 4 i had packed my afternoon snack, which was a cereal bar adn to make up for the missing calories, i had these 3 licorice bars.
   But at around 10ish... i started feeling hungry, as  i had eaten breakfast at 6am (school started 8am.) so i just got out the licorice bars, at first i felt really awkward, and in my mind it felt weird, like... Your eating extra... but in reality, i wasnt... its just that i was eating part of my afternoon snack.
  It felt kinda weird cus no one else ate, but when thye saw me eating they started complaining how hungry they were....
  and before i knew it, i had actually eaten all 3 of the licorice bars... cus i was so hungry!! haha..... :) (Weird... rigt?)

But then for lunch and hour later, i really wasnt that hungry, so ate about half of what i got... :/ (NOT GOOD.)

During the breaks and during the classes, i did get talking to one or two in the class, there are two lads in teh class and they were really sound... i even started laughing... but that doesnt mean i want to stay in the school.

And then today we had P.E... kinda sucked... :/ I thought we'd run.. but no. And we're gonna have P.E outside... until the middle of October... COLD!!!!
   And then i got to come home, and hour and a  half earlier!!! :)

I actually feel really proud of myself, that i could overcome my fear of eating infront of others - just be normal!!

But i have realised how much the girls in my class talk about - dont eat this, dont eat that, you'll get fat..... its like all i hear is fat.fat.fat. usch.
   And the two same girls(who asked me abotu my weight) keep telling me how skinny i am, they even wondered if i eat or not.... WHAT? im not skinny.... :O

But anyway.

Hope you've had a good day!! Got to get studying now! :)


  1. Hi :) I'm glad to hear the eating is going okay still while at school (for the most part at least!) I totally get what you mean about eating in front of people- it was really hard for me a few months ago, now I can actually do it pretty easily. And with the girls only talking about not getting fat and all that, it's like that for me too. All day I just keep hearing all this, and I have to say it definitely doesn't help any. But when I hear stuff like that, I always think, I hope they never go down this path.

    Right now.. i'm stressed out. As usual. I have so much work and studying to do... something you're glad to be doing again? haha. I still have to memorize 30 vocabulary words for a test tomorrow, and it's 12 at night, I'm totally exhausted from band practice. And we only had one day to memorize it all! Really crazy. It would be a little less intense if I didn't have so much other things going on outside of school. But seeing as I can't really start work till 9:30 at night, it's so much to do. I've been studying and working every spare moment it seems- in the car going anywhere, while i'm walking home from school, during water breaks at band practice. I'm so tired, I just want to sleep... but I have to memorize all these words :/ The sooner I do it the sooner I sleep though, so I'm going to go start working! Hope everything is going well today :)

  2. Hey!
    Yeah for the most part things are going well.. but i did eat all my lunch today.
    But on Thursday you get served pancakes... if you want that is.
    And i know that i should have taken the pancakes... but i didnt feel comfortable.. so instead i took the other option - bulgur and vegetables.
    All the other kids looked at me strange cus i didnt take pancakes... :/ But i think its a stupid tradition.
    (oh.. no one knows i have an ED in school)
    Yeah its getting easier.. i dont think about it too much anymore.
    I suppose when you're in school... you jsut have to get used to it i suppose. :)

    Its the same with me, i hate hearing all this like dieting and fat business.. its like ive heard that so much in my own head for hte past years.. i dont need ot hear it from them!!! haha

    But remember when you wrote a while back that there had been alot of talking abotu like anorexia and in classes and that.
    I feel its been the same way for me..
    We watched this self confidence video, and there was this girl talking adn she had had anorexia... i just like shrunk into my seat... ad then someone who had self harmed was speaking... it felt so weird...
    But it shouldnt have...
    But it felt like eveyrone was looking at me.. i dont know why

    And then ofcourse today, in english, we read this paragrah thing, of this girl who had anorexia.. and she was dieting adn exercising... ugh....
    once again ti felt like everyone was looking at me??? :(
    Ive never notice it before.. but there is so much talk of dieitng and all this.
    but i suppose before we had ED's.. we didnt think anything about it?

    Ugh... i know the feeling of stress... i have so many tests coming up...
    supposed to be studying now.. i have like 20 ot something french terms to learn.. (ugh.)
    Well it feels good to be using my mind.. but now im starting to hate it. :)

    How much sleep do you get? You must be completly exhausted... your life seems very packed... or a little crazy!! haha

    Hope things get better, like easier.. both with anorexia and with the whole studying!
    Good luck with your grammar test!! :)