Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, August 28, 2011

How much of my life has been wasted?

I know ive wrote about it before, 
But it just seems like such a big thing,

How much of my life, my teenage years, have i wasted?

I was looking at some photos today
and i saw the difference.
This time, i wasnt looking at the difference in my body,
Yes, i have gone up in weight.
But also,
the smile on my face.
its not fake anymore.
So many photos, where my smile is faked,
where i can see the pain in my eyes.
I dont look happy, i dont look normal.
I look thin, blank, unhappy, dead?

For a while, i thought that looking thin was the best thing in the world,
the only thing.
I would have given up everything to be thin.
I would ahev done anything,
and in all honesty, i did.
I did the most unimaginable things to not eat,
but anyone with, or has had an eating disorder,
knows the lengths you'll go to to not have to eat.
Its crazy.

Today, i was thinking over things and for once i realised,
I dont regret making the choice to become healthy.
I have my ups and downs, somedays i hate my body,
somedays i can tell myself, that im loved and pretty.
Its normal.
But at the end of the day,
Im never going to do anything to destroy this,
to give up my 'healthy'.

Its too important to me.
To actually smile and mean it.
To live my life.

Enjoy life, 
enjoy eating sweets,
enjoy listening to music, not jsut emo music that drowns out the whole world,
i enjoy talking to my friends,
i love laughing.
I love taking photos,
making videos.
I love relaxing on my bed, reading a really good book.
I love having hte concentration to watch a film.

Im not going to destroy this,
so many years, so many years have been given to my eating disorder,
but not anymore.

I have my life again.
and i know for sure,
I have the control.

Anyone with an eating disorder, you wont know this feeling,
not until you've decided that you want to be healthy.
Not until you decide to not give anymore time to your ED.
Not until you finally enjoy life,
and realise that being healthy isnt as scary as it seems.

In fact, its soo much better.
(Maybe not everyday. I cant lie.
Life is life.)

I love looking at my recent photos and seeing the real smile.
Seeing me laughing, having fun.

Dont give anymore time to your ED.

At the end of the day,
you and ED cant live together.
Either you beat your ED, or it beats you.

^^^^Not the most flattering... but you get the point??^^^^Its a true smile!

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