Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, August 13, 2011

food food food!!

 I was one of thoose anorexics where food was everything.

I cooked food for others, using oil, butter,cream, whatever was necessary
and i wasnt scared to add extra of it.
But i never ate what i cooked.
I jstu sat and stared as others ate what i cooked.

I never let anyone else cook
and if they did i stood behind watching
watching everything they put in the food.

I baked loads,
I was addicted to it.
Baking something or other nearly every day.
I loved adding the cream and butter and suger...
Something i never allowed myself to eat.
And i never allowed myself to eat what i baked.
It would just sit on the counter teasing me,
and soon i'd just throw it away.

I spend nearly everyday on the computer researching recipes.
Making a list.
Foods i wanted to eat.
Foods i would never allow myself to eat.
I made folders and saved recipes.

I cut out recipes out of magazines.
I saved them
Somedays i would just take out the recipes and go through them
just looking at them.

I spent hours researching calorie content
fat content
Im a GDA calculater... ask me the GDA of nearly every food and i could tell you what the item contains
I would go to the shop
and just pick up items
look at the GDA 
and put the item down again.

I spent hours calculating over how much i had eaten,
always rounding the calories up.

I made lists of foods i hate.
I made lists of food i liked.
Food, vegetables, water,tea with no milk.

I spent hours looking at food in the fridge.

I spent all days thinking about food.
I took food from the fridge and threw it away so it looked like i ate.

I lined food up on the table staring at it,
trying to will myself to eat.

When i did eat.
It didnt stay down.

I spent hours avoiding food
lieing and cheating
anything to avoid food
but i was mentally addicted to it.
my whole world revolved around food.
something i wouldnt let myself go near.

No comments:

Post a Comment