Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Sunday, July 3, 2011

Summer dreams

Hello!


And then the weekend was coming to a close.... Ugghhh... means the same old sitting at Mando. :(
Things are gonna suck this week - Im guessing.

But atleast i can say that this weekend has been fun and successful :)

Today started off by ttalking to my case manager, the one who i hate and is never here, but apparently is still my case manager..... ehhh ? How does that work?

She came and she changed my plans for the coming week,  i had been promised that if thigns went well this weekend, which they have, then id be allowed to sleep at home someday during the week, and then for the weekend, to do my 24 hours, a whole day at home.
But my case manager came and told me, im not allowed to go home this week, and Maybe i can sleep at home during the weekend, but that would be it.
Eat nght snack and breakfast at home, and that would be it for the weekend....
Im not having any of it.
She cant come here and ruin everything, change my plans.
What more do i have to do to show taht it works at home?
My weight goes up, im doing everything right, i do everything right here....
What more?
Im gonna try to compromise and bargain...

Then my mum and sister came and we drove out to this beach, where we ate pasta and Soya sausage salad for lunch  and lay in the sun :)
Was planning to bathe, but the water wass too cold... i got my feet in, and that was enough :)


I ended up falling asleep in the sun though.... Wow. i used to never let myself relax, or to sleep during the day....





Then we got home and it was pretty boring, it was hard to jsut sit there with nothing to do...
So i started cleaning....?
Weird huh?
No, but i get panicked and stressed when its messy.
So once i get home, the house will be Tidy - tidy.
No mess 
:D

It felt kinda like i was resorting to my old ways, cleaning... but is that an anorexic thing? I dont know.





For dinner, thats when the panic hit.
Mum was gonna make cooked potatoes and Haloummi cheese? :O
no.no.no.no.no.no.no

that would be my very worst nightmare.... cheese and oil.
100g cheese. and potatoes.

I know im not allowed ot involve myself with the food, but i jsut told my mum, there was no way id eat that, and that anyway, i didnt think cheese counted as protein.
So in the end i got some left over burger and potatoes.
I know i shouldnt and amnt allowed to involve myself, have anything to do with the food,
but i think that was pushing my limits.

The time passed slowly then, flicked through programs, walked from room-to-room, cleaned again, tried painting my nails, took my dog out (was i allowed that? Not to sure. But no one else would take her out? and in all honesty... it was just outside he door... so i dont think it was anything wrong with that.)
And then i had my night snack, and was driven back to this Hell hole.

When will i get away?
NO IDEA.



But atleast the weekend has gone well, ive enjoyed myself, felt normal, even though sometimes ive gotten bad thoughts. 

I have a feeling that this week will suck, mainly cus im not allowed to do anything, but we'll see if i can change that?

Night.
Have a good week:)

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself! I think it's good that you're being realistic and honest about your limits :-) Allowing yourself to be forced into doing something you're not overly confident or comfortable in doing could hinder your progress completely.

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