Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, July 23, 2011

Saturdays treat (for some)

(:

Things went well so I got to go home again for the weekend.
Saturday to Sunday!! Yay!!

Things went well in the morning but then when I got home lunch was late, didn't eat till 1pm. Making all my other meals later.
And then when we were going to head out I got all angry because I didn't want my snack. I felt sick and didn't want to eat.
I hate all my alternatives. I'm so bored of them. I want to just fuck my meal plan. eat what I want instead of eating the same thing every day.
But mum talked to me and got me calm again.

And then we drove out to a beach.
When we got there we first got lost in the forest but soon found a small cliff where we could sit and I could eat my snack.
On the way back we found where Tge beach was and I took a little swim.

Then for dinner my mum wanted pizza.
Me - no way. I wasn't up for it.

First mum was like - youve eaten pizza before. And I should be able to eat what's being served What the family is eating.
But then she told me that I didn't have to eat pizza. She wasn't going to force me.

I still didn't want pizza. But I nodded and agreed to eat pizza. All the while inside me was screamIng No!!!

After we had ordered and bought the pizza - tuna, prawns and mussels we drove down to this like nature park where we settled ourselves down Abd ate pizza.
I just chewed mechanically. Trying not to taste anything or think about Wgat I was eating.
After we had eaten I found it hard to relax. I didn't know why. I tried telling myself that pizza was like any food I'd eat. But still I couldn't relax.
But mum kept calm - and told me that I had to relax. That we weren't going anywhere.







I had the option to get up and run away - like I very much wanted to.
But where would that get me? I'm trying to get better. There's small things like that. Just wanting to get up and run or move.
But I settled myself down.

And that was my Saturday. Not the best.

I have the most awful guilt.
So bad that I've decided to never eat any junk food again. No ice cream, no crisps, no pizza... No nothing (not that I eat that very often anyway.)

Feeling really wound up and guilty but hoping that that will pass.
Othereise things will be hard tomorrow.

3 comments:

  1. Det var rätt av dig att äta pizzan!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Du är bra som äter pizza och du var helt klart värd att få unna dig den! Hoppas att du njuter mer av pizzan nästa gång. Jag menar, den kommer ju ändå att hamna i magen så varför inte njuta på vägen? :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good job princess! You are strong! I admire you much!! <3

    ReplyDelete