Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, July 4, 2011

It wont be today, but maybe tomorrow?

No. im not healthy.

Who said i was? I didnt. i sure as hell didnt.


Id like to imagine, id like to believe, that im healthy - But who am i kidding?


I might not be healthy today, but who says that i wont wake up tomrrow, and all my problems wil have dissappeared? No, you're right... that wont happen.

But little by little, mi trying to gain everyones trust. Show them that i can be trusted, but that means me putting the effort in. To go against what Ana says, instead of listening to Ana, to go against it.
 
This morning i broke down and ended up crying o one of the staff, about how i cant have my case manager. Th one who is mean, and brings me down and is never here.
   I cant have her. she comes here once  week, and changes my whole plans.
So hopefully something will be done about that... i hope?

Then also, i had to go back up and eat with the other patients, not down at the hotel.
  I got really upset over that, it felt like a step back. so i also brought i up, that if i eat up there, atleast i dont have to stay up there the whle time.

They werent so willing. they think i d exercises when im on my own. Yes, maybe once upon a tme. but not now. its not worth it.
    I cant tell you im perfect, that i do everything right. but i dont do exercises. i might stand a bit too much, or too often... but im working on it.

And i think, by them giving me this chance, telling me, i believe in you but meaning Dont fuck this up. this is your last chance.
   Im gonna work on myself.

I wont suddenly be perfect in a day, or over a night. but if i take a little at a time, sitting a little longer, relaxing more often... then it will suddenly wont matter and it wont be a battle with myself.

It sounds so pathetic that i find it hard to sit and relax? But slowly, i'll kick that bit out of me.
   Or i hope i willl... i have no other choice, no other option.

My dya has been pretty lousy today, no need to get into it. and i dont expect anything better this week, worse in fact... plenty more tears?
 
But thats my burden, thats my story.....



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