Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Compliments should make you happy, not bring tears to your eyes.

If one more person tells me I look good, healthy.

Ill scream.

Im actually serious. Nobody tells me, im pretty, im beautiful, or IM THIN.

No just - You look healthy. Yeah - i dont want to hear it.

Yesterday i wrote about how much it made me smile, today however. it brings tears to my eyes. it makes me cross.
   its brought all these bad thoughts back.

How much i want to be thin, not to eat.

I dont want to eat cake/ice cream/food... i dont want to do it. :(
    I dont want to be normal. i dont want to be healthy. Why am i going through this?

I mean, i dont even need to be an inpatient.... im not thin..... :( That makes me sad.

I cant get the image of myself in the mirror out of my head. all i can see is this short, fat girl. Yet people are telling me i look better? How can i look better. i look so much worse now. :(
And then of course its my wieght. - It would ahev been best to just know my weight. it hasnt helped at all.
    I want to stop gaining weight.... how could i have gained os much in such a short time?
 Something like 8-10kg in 10 weeks. :( 

I dont know whats happend? Im just taking the compliments the wrong way. :(

Urrrgghhh i dont know how i'll make it tomorrow. ive had enough of feeling this way - FAT. 
    its like none of the other patients go up in wieght. you dont notice any differnce in them... like no wieght gain. But me - you can definitely see the difference.

I cant stop thinking about it. it just keeps spinning in my head. all these thoughts.

And the next person who tells me i look healthy, i'll slap them. :D
   I wish someone would tell me i look thin - But that would be a lie.


  1. I never lie so I can say that you are THIN!! And you are beutifull you are pretty and you are soo strong. I'am fat, Im like 3 of you, I may dont like it everday, but I have learned to live with it, its not like Iam fatfatfat, but I have much more fat on me then you have on you! A lot of happy hugs<3

  2. You shouldn't beat yourself up for taking compliments the wrong way! Maybe violence isn't the answer ;-), but I think if someone does say that to you, you should think about explaining to them that it doesn't make you feel good about yourself at all. People might try and stay away from telling you that you're thin because they may think that they're going to make you worse in terms of recovery.

  3. I Thought thesame exact same thing today...but i was considered recovered completly and was happy...(well not fully with my weight) but alot happier in life... all week people have been complimenting how i look so healthy...and my face looks like a celebritys who got there makeup professionally done even though i wear none (cause i actually have been putting creams and taking care of my face) but no one knows i relapsed a few weeks ago...and losing weight. I mean im still "healthy" weight range....but does that mean i did not look good before...should i lose more weight...i wanna stop but i dont... :/ I just hate the word healthy so much (i actually talked about this with my therapist last week) i have a feeling if i dont pull myself out of this now with help from people around me...that i will end up back in inpatient...ughhh :(

  4. To rebecca.. my advice (even though really, you shouldnt rely on it :) ) is that, if you are still in the normal weight range (BMI 18 and up ) then try to hold the weight you're at now. Dont lose weight. That will result in bad things, like you said in patients. And thats the worst thing possible. And its kinda contradictory for me to say this, but try to take the compliments as a good thing.
    Think WOW, i llook good, and people notice it. Just dont lose more weight.. :)