Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, May 28, 2011

Yummi in my tummy :P

Today has been an OK day. :/

Well the morning started off good. ate my breakfast and my snack and I was relaxed when resting and sitting. It's getting easier :)
And then it was lunch and my rest.

And then it was visiting hours - my mum said she'd come at 1pm.... The click slowly ticked by to 13.30. I called. She hadn't even left the house yet, and it takes a half hour to drive. :/
I cried and cried. :( was upset and dissappointed.
my happy good mood faded. I wasn't liking forward to going out. Now I just wanted to. Stay at Mando. I didn't want to go anywhere with mum.
And the worst thing was, as I sat there crying. No one cared. the staff sat there, painting their nails, reading, talking... Ignoring me. Sure that's what I wanted. Its not like I wanted to talk to them. Not like I would have, but some recognition would have been nice. :/

Suffice to say, when mum funaly came I was so cross and angry I could barely klook at her. I couldn't sit down I was so angry.
I didn't want to go fika, I was suddenly dreading it.

And my hatred for sitting came back. All I wanted to do was run.

Mum finally convinced me to come out, and we drive to a small cafe. First I was bit flustered over what to choose. My first instinct was to go for the mini biscuit. But instead I choose a strawberry and rhubarb pie with vanilla sauce.
We sat down outside with blankets wrapped around us and ate :) the pie was yummi!!
Really enjoyed eating it :)
It was kind of hard to sit still, I wanted to get up and walk around. But I managed to keep myself occupied by taking photos, getting up now and again :)

And then it was back to mando fir dinner. Where there were only 2 other patients.

The other two patients sat in a lab, so I sat in the main eating area with 2 staff - awkward and not nice. But I was in a good mood, so it went fine :)

It's so silent here, I don't like it :/

I'm so glad I get to come home tomorrow because, apparently everyone else will have time out too. Imagine if I was the only one left sitting here? I'd definitely return to self harm :/

I know it's weird, but I'm jealous of the other patients. There are so small. They eat less then me, and dont need a wheelchair. But
Me - I'm huge. I'm in a wheelchair. I have energy drinks and a high mealplan :( it sucks.
But also, some patients who came after me are getting time out, more then me. And I've been here longer then them :(
I know it's stupid, but I can't help being jealous. It's unfair.

But I'm glad about today - I think things went well, don't know what mum thought... Maybe my activity was a bit high?

Pose :)

My mum :)

Our tray

Yes - im actually eating :)

My pie :) yummi yummi

An ant decided to join us :)

Enjpoying the few moments of sun :)


  1. I like your jacket! And you look really good in it :D

  2. That's nice :) glad to hear things went well. And I absolutely love that picture of the ant :D Sounds like a nice time.

    I just got in, its 11:30 PM. Went to the cinema, we saw Midnight in Paris. It was sooooo good, I think it's my new favorite film :D I would definitely recommend it if you wanted to go out to another movie. The rest of my day wasn't so good, we drove over to another town this morning and there was an accident on the highway so it was an hour and a half in the car rather than the twenty minutes it would have been. And then we had to be back to go to a ballet, and the accident made us run a little late so I had to eat in the car.. and it was fish and chips, so really greasy. Not fun. Plus there was a cookie. And then I had to sit more for the two hour ballet, after all that food. :/ It was a really good show though. Then we picked up my dad from our house and all went out to dinner at this italian place.. :o So I just got a salad, barely ate half of it, I was still so full from the lunch. Then I went home and had to practice flute before our film, and in the middle of my practice I just had a total breakdown. It was really weird.. like I had all this pent up emotion from a long time just building up, and then it finally all just burst. So I stood there crying for about half an hour, and then got tired and sat down and cried some more, finally my mom came out of her room and saw me after about 40 minutes like this had passed. So I didn't have to finish my practice, I just couldn't. Like whenever I've been trying to play lately, I can't, often I just start crying whenever I try. I don't know what's wrong with me :/ so I'm really worried for my lesson tomorrow. Then we went out to the cinema, of course we went to a bakery before the film and had another cookie... But then the film was SO good, it made me feel a little better.

    So that was my day... hopefully tomorrow turns out okay? :) And hope things continue to be better for you! And by the way, your dog is completely adorable :)

  3. I think im actually gonna check out that film :) It looked really good. thanx for the suggestion. :)
    Not easy having to eat that type of food, especailly when you hate eating in general. But be a little proud that you managed to eat a bit.?
    Not easy though.
    I know what you mean when everything jsut get sto much and it all jsut comes out... but once you've finished crying, things feel a bit easier? or almost lighter.... or thats how it is for me.
    Think, you're finding it hard to do normal eveyrday things. things you used to be able to ddo no problem. thats a bad sign. :(

    I really hope things get better for you... think. i used t be so bad off. im not so sure how long you've been reading the blog for, but i can telll you... i was bad off.
    and even fmro my most recent ones, before i was admitted again.
    i did everything wrong. and the easter weekend. i didnt eat anything, or barely.
    And look where i am now... wanting to eat again. (Yes, somedays are hard. hate the weight gain. hate the way my bodys changing) but im eating cake, and im not cheating with my meals, im even able to sit now. its a complete 360 degree change. i cant believe ive even managed to change so much in such a little time actually.
    but i mean, If i can do it.... im sure anyone can. You need soemthing.... something to make you realise that its not worth living with Anorexia (My blog name change.)
    you want your life.

    I really hope that when you go to Austria (is that it?) things go well. :)
    tell me all about it... if thats not weird? i mean.... im just some person whos blog you read :)

    Today went really well :) but you might read about it above :)

    Thank you.... :)

    wishing you the best... hope thigns get better