Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Worst day possible.

Today has been shit. shit. shit. in every way possible.


I keep getting told off for moving. They tell me im doing too much activity. But its not. im just doing what has to be done.
   but apparently, its too much.


And today, i had to do a maths test, and i thought i would get to go over to the main hospital to do it. But i wasnt allowed to walk.
   if i went, i would have to be in a wheelchair.




I refused and refused. saying i would go. i would NOT be in a wheelchair.
   But finally i decided, its better to go there, and get away from Mando.
  So i let them drive me over.


I then did hte maths test... which went ok. i got 1 thing wrong. but i dont get the results until a weeks time or something.
 

 i have another test next week aswel... ugh. i dont have the energy to study.

When i got back,  i like burst into tears... i was just so upset. and then i ended up getting a nosebleed. no idea why. i never get nose bleeds. ive had like 2 in my life or soemthing.

No one seemed to care. i stood there, trying to stop the flow and all they d id was complain for me to sit down. which just made me cry more.
  they're so inconsiderate. they really dont care.

Ive now also been told, if i cant show that i can sit down. ill have to have someone with me the whole time.
  :O


i am sitting down. and i mean, if i show that i am... they wont notice anything, they'll just see when i actually have to go up to do something, and then they multiply that time... so it seems like worse.
  so really, im not going to win.

EVERYONE IS WATCHING me.


Making sure i sit. :( Ughhh... its so hard. i hate them all.

i finally got through to mum... crying.

i cant do this any longer. its not the eating. i know that if im home, i;ll eat. but i actually cant. d this Mando thing anymore.
  i cant sit here with everyone watching me.  icant seee the same walls. the same people.

She has to get me out. she has the meeting today. she has to get me outsigned. theres no other way.


This day is jsut bad bad bad and its gonna get worse. i hate it.

things were going so well. i was so positive.


now..... im jsut depressed. if i dont get out of Mando. i'll run away or kill myself. no other way.


im not strong enough to be here at Mando any longer.

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