Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, May 8, 2011

Trying to take more control.

Oh my gosh!!!!!!!

I can feel it. In my head. Anorexia is trying to take more control.

My perfect picture of eating right. Eating chocolate/crisps/ pizza (haha!!! ?????) is fading.

I want to cheat.
Take the least amount possible
It feels like I could never eat junk food.
I dont feel pepped at all.

Now I just feel worried. Doubting myself

Could I really manage at home? Could I really eat?

Without this picture in my head. It seems like I can't

It seems black, like I'll go home and fall back again

I can't explain it. But I can feel Ana, trying to take more control. Steering my thoughts.

It's so hard to stay strong.
I feel I want to give in and start doing wrong.

But I know I can't. I've come so far. I was on the right track. Thinking so positively.

I do want to give in. Like let Ana have control. It's hard to say no.

I'm doubting myself. Doubting I can do right. Not believing in myself.

But I have to keep going.

Try to stay strong.

But I have no idea how things will go.

I'm scared, angry (Thst anas trying to destroy things again) upset, anxious, nervous...

I don't know what to do.... I want to go out and just prove I can do it, before this fades.

Were always told - when you get that feeling. The feeling when you just know you can eat a pizza. Then do it. Don't wait. Grab that opportunity and the thing is. I'm being told to wait. Told to hold onto this feeling, but Thst I can't actually use this
Positiveness. I have to keep it until another time.
But it's fading. I'm trying yo hold onto it for too long. I'm not getting a chance to use it, so it's going.

Does anyone even understand what I'm writing about? What I'm going through?
Or is it just a jumbled mess

It's me basically, riting my mind out. exactly whatnot thinking/feeling/going through....

It's so hard to understand

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean. I've been through this endless of times. But in the end, it doesn't fade. It's still there and you can do all these things you want to. You'll have the opportunity again. If it fades today, it will come back soon. Because if you've felt it once, it means that you have found the right path. Sometimes you get lost but you find your way again. Maybe it's just fading now only to come back stronger tomorrow. It tends to be like this and you'll grab the opportunity to take more steps forwards. Don't let her take control, don't give in. Everything will turn out well in the end! :D <3