Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Too much fuss and worrying

How is everyone doing today? :)
Tuesday night, or it is for me anyway :)

Yet another ok day. But I cheered up when mum came to visit? It just feels so nice :)
And even though it's miles off, I just can't wait to go home, follow my meal plan. Eat right. Eat with mum, and not make a fuss.
Right now I won't be able to go home, but I'm in the dark at the moment, not sure what's happening next.

I do have to say though, I'm seriously tired of my meal plan.
Like I have different options, but they're still the same.
I'm pretty limited to food items.

And I'm still sick enough to avoid, cheese, butter,Yoggi dröm yoghurt. (this 150g yoghurt. [it has too much calories and fat though- I know I should let typist thoughts go]) and like biscuits.

So that eliminates a few alternatives on my meal plan.

I'm left to like - yoghurt/milk and cereal, bread and pate, crisp bread, risifrutti, fruit.
It really sucks. I'm eating the same thing over and over each day.
I dobt think I'll ever want to eat these foods again.

I want new. More options. :(

Bored and tired of the same food :/

Anyway... The staff are all worried and fussing over my scars. And everyone keeps asking what happened to my hands and arms.
They're just sores I mumble, then they drop the subject, understanding that I self harm.

For the staff however, I have to explain - that's where I burnt myself but its more than 3 weeks ago now.

But now the scars have opened up again, and started bleeding. It's nothing to worry about, or I don't think it is. I'm nervous and strrsssed, I'm not self harming, just scratching/itching.
So I think they're over reacting and making too much of a fuss over nothing.

I still think that they think (did you understand that?) that the cut on my leg (where I fell, about aa week back) was self harm :/


Sure, whatever...

Now it's time to hop into bed - even though I've done nothing all day, and actually slept a little bit, I'm tired.
But I still won't be able to sleep.
Gonna listen to some Music and hopefully fall asleep.
Sleep is so much better than being awake. Even if it means lying still for 8 hours.

Night night :)
Or Good morning, if you're in that time zone :)


  1. Glad you had an okay day :) would you be able to ask them to give you a few more options in your meal plan? like add some more food options, just for a little more variation? I don't know what they're like, but it seems like it would be a reasonable thing to ask. even if you think it's unlikely that they would.. it could be worth a shot? :)

    My day has been really quite strange. Probably since I have gotten only 3 hours of sleep for the past two nights.. way too many huge projects this week. So my day was okay, besides being half asleep the whole time :) walked a new route on my way home from school today, its so much fun doing that. i've gotten so many options now of different streets to go down, recently i've been exploring my town more because I realized i don't really know much besides the main streets i go down every day :) love walking places that i've never been, its sometimes a little scary and i occasionally get lost haha. but its a very small town, if you keep walking you'll pretty much end up back downtown wherever you go :)

    got in a big fight with my mom tonight, she was yelling at me to practice flute more and I was mad because she wouldn't let me come to the pool with her. we ended up yelling at each other for about 10 minutes. and then of course I practiced flute for the next hour and a half and never ended up swimming.. :/ oh well. And now I really should be getting to bed, its midnight right now as i'm typing this sentence ;D but I think i'll just do a little bit more work first.. :) Hope tomorrow goes well for you :)

  2. "Did you understand that"? Heheh! :P
    Glad that your day was OK! See, slowly the good days will come back! Soon the weather will be better (told you it would snow! :P) and you will be out having a normal life and having fun with friends, having picnics by the sea and enjoying summer!! I'm sure you'll make it, I admire your power to keep walking whatever hits you. Be proud of yourself!!!
    Lots of love!! <3 A.

  3. :)
    The thing is that I have 3-4 alternatives for each of my snacks and breakfast.
    But the food that they have at the clinic is pretty limited. Trying yo keep it simple for us. But I'm someone who gets bored very easily.
    So I'm seriously tired of the same thing. Cus my alternatives are pretty much the same :/
    And now when things aren't decided yet, they've said there's no point me meeting the dietitian :/
    Ugh..... same old boring food I guess:)

    How are you getting on with eating? Are things still hard? :(

    I love walking new routes :) I do that with my dog:) but it's not so nice when I actually get lost.
    For a while I just went out walking, when I was angry and took different routes each time... so I knew the area pretty well :)

    Do you reckon your mum has guessed that you're eating less?
    It's good that you keep up the flute practise... I played flute for a while, but gave it up after about 2 years.

    It's weird with the time difference :)
    Hope things go better for you.... You deserve do much more than this shit :/

  4. I pick good timing to become in patient. When it begins to snow :)
    I'll be out when the sun is shining:)

    Thsnk you

    Hope things good with you:) dont see you to often.