Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

Translate

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Tired of eating.

And Sunday si nearly over.... meaning its soon Monday. New week. new chances.


No idea what the plan is for next week, have to wait and see. i imagine its lots of sitting. eating. not going anywhere.
   maybe tears? Most probably

Today has been completly ok.
    Got one of my favourite meals for lunch, chicken, rice and tomatoe sauce.


And then later, my mum came... but as always, she was late. it really sucks. shes never on time.
   it always annoys me. i wish she could be on time. cus in the end i only got like an hour with her.:(

The weather was pretty shit, but we still got out for a little bit.
   And then of course i was back for my 3 snack. and today, instead of taking cereal, i took muslie and instead of a fruit, i took a banana..... Hmmm? :)

And thats been my day.

But right now, im feeling tired of eating. i cant belive i still have to eat one more meal.
   im so tired of it. i dont want to open my mouth. i dont want to let another morsel f food into me.

No mroe bread. no more juice. no more potatoes. no more no more no more.

I hate all my alternatives.  i hate all the food here. i dont want to eat any more.

It would be so much easier, to just not eat.


And i never want to sit again.
  all i want to do is exercise. and not eat. its stupid.

But i dont want to go through this any longer, wouldnt it be better to jsut sink into anorexia again. it was a comfort. i dont want to fight against it.
   i want to not eat. to not haev the comfort of food. to not have the comfort of sitting adn relaxing.  iwant to move. to exercise. to make my body ache from exercise.

I dont know where all these thoughts came from... but they;re overwhelming.


its hard to not listen to them. to not do what they say.

And all im being told is im fat. im fat. im fat etc etc etc


it never stops. im trying to avoid it. trying to not listen to it. but its all i can hear.

   its all i see when i look at myself.


2 comments:

  1. Hun you are far from fat. And deep down i bet you already know this. You have to have an very high BMI to be fat!

    Keep up the POSITIVE thoughts. I know ED is a safety net, just the other day at college I was arguing with myself in my head during class about why i should and shouldn't go back to my old ways. Not going back won. You know why? Because anorexia is a good for nothing piece of crap that actes so friendly but actually is the worst enemy a person could ever dream of having. It's a nightmare turned into reality. It's not worth it!

    Get out of there and get back to life, and no matter how hard ED yells don't give in to it because it will ruin your life all over again. There's more to life than hospital, weight, food etc... I believe in you to find the strength to keep going chick. You've already proved that you have it in you. Remember that ice cream! :D Love you *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for believing in me:)

    Haha... Yes. I've GOT to have some Ben and Jerrys before I decide to not eat again.
    But that's never going to happen. I'm never going to go back to how I was. I just have to get through this. Until finally I'm free from these thoughts and food and weight is no longer an issue, same with activity.

    ReplyDelete