Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Sunday, May 22, 2011

Slowly creeping in

I haven't felt like this in ages.

Tge angst and guilt.

It started off with the fact that I didn't know which of my alternatives I wanted for my night snack. They all seemed so blah and boring. I didn't want any of them.
I want to be able to choose myself, what I eat and how much.

It didn't help that my stomach was sore.

Finally I just picked an alternative, but all the while I sat eating I was wishing I had taken another alternative.
This one was too high in fat and too many calories. slowly the angst of eating and the guilt started to creep in.

I felt and still feel awful. Wishing I could erase what I ate. Take it back. Get it out of me.
All I see is fat. I'm horrible. I'm HUGE now.

Don't want to eat again. Ever the guilt is still in me. :/

Found it hard to sit and relax, which made me decide I never want to sit again.

It's been ages since I've gotten this sort of guilt. It's horrible. I Jyst want it to go. I dobt want to feel like this.

No idea how tomorrow will go... I hope I dont get any more angst thoughtsm/feelings

Night X

2 comments:

  1. It goes away eventually. Sometimes when you have been doing great and felt good about it, the guilt and angst come stronger than ever. As if ana tries to punish you for neglecting her. But in the end it goes away. Suck kind of guilt doesn't last so long.
    I had pancakes for night snack. Three pancakes, two with marmalade and cream and one with chocolate and coconut. And I'm sure that I would have felt guilty if it wasn't for the good company and the fact that I've gotten high of the sugar. Hahah! It doesn't feel as bad as I thought.
    It's only in your head princess, in the end it goes away. Like an annoying fly in the summer. It can't destroy your whole day, just smash it!
    Goodnight! <3

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  2. Can definitely understand that.... But the good thing is... That I'm feeling much stronger, so that it's easier to push aside Ana!!
    And the angst was gone by the morning.
    It's such a relief that I don't get thoose feelings so often!!! :)

    Ohhhh.... Pancakes sounds good :) I'm actually waiting until there's pancakes here someday... I would like some. Ok not really. As the Mando pancakes are Blah. But I'd like to go for waffles someday anyway :) I like waffles :)

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