Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, May 26, 2011

She was impressed :D

Today has been a quite ok day!! :)

It's weird that it's Thursday - it feels like a Friday!! :)
This morning, after our snack we went to the library. I was rolled there in my rolls Royce. - no, the shittiest little wheelchair there is. But sure... Sooner or later I won't need it.
And I borrowed a few Swedish books :) I can actually read again :) - weird? but I lost my concentration. Couldn't focus. And anyway, I wouldnt sit and read.... So now I can focus and concentrate and remember what I read. And at the same time I'm training my Swedish :)
It's nice :) im a real bookworm!!!

And then of course it was the normal lunch and rest. And some outside sun time :) I want to get real brown this year. I'm so pale I look like a vampire!!!

And then I went to this angst and phobias forum. It was ok.... It doesn't affect me so much, so it wasn't that important... But still.
And then there was cinnamon buns and coffee. I thought I was just gonna take my normal snack, but my case manager said that as we didn't have time to go to a cafe to 'fika' (coffee and cake) I'd take a cinnamon bun now :)
Wasn't worried or nervous. No panic :)

I took a cinnamon bun, a cafe latte and then extra a pepperkaka (ginger snap!!) my case manager was impressed that I took the biscuit extra. But it was what I wanted. Not Ana. I wanted to dip the biscuit in my late, so I did.... And absaloutly no guilt/angst or panic!! :) I just smiled :) I felt good and happy - and I'm progressing :)
It was annoying though to sit there and watch as the girl besude me sat there crumbling her bun, picking bits off, refusing to eat it, while I had just gotten on with it. :/ that was the worst bit.


And hopefully my case manager notices that I'm sitting more :) hahaha :)
I'm relaxing. No muscles tensed. The first few minutes is the hardest. Trying to keep myself still and relaxed, but after five minutes of a battle in my head, I'm relaxed. And then I only get up if I need to. Which sometimes is too often.

Infact, me and this other girl are going to like join teams (or whatever you say) we both have bait of a problem for getting up and walking. So were both gonna try our damnedest to sit... Or I will anyway. She doesn't have as much of a problem as me:)
We're gonna give each other evil eyes when the other gets up :)

Haha... We'll see if it works or not....

But things are going well for me... Or I think they are... :)


  1. Great princess! You are so brave! I see things are going forward, keep it that way! :D And maybe we could go out together sometime and take a fika. What do you say? :)
    Love, A <3

  2. Förstår du hur långt du har kommit?!!
    Jag bara ler varje gång jag klickar in på din blogg nu :D Åh, vad glad jag blir för din skull! Hoppas att du är lika glad! (du verkar vara det :) )

    Kraam <3

  3. I would love to go fika... :) a proper fika :) hahah
    Or go for some soft ice cream or something ?

    Hahah.. i feel so different... frmo were i wouldnt even eat a pepperkaka... to now taking one extra? hahah

    and im definitely feeling happier... even though it sucks to be in HDV. :/

  4. But soon you're out! Right? And you will be happy and not an inpatient! Even better! Loading for summer! :D You are a different person from who you were last year, and not even so long ago, but just a few weeks ago. You have your life in front of you now and you can do whatever positive you want with it! You should be proud of you, this huuuge step has taken tou to another dimension!
    Kram! <3

  5. That's so great, I'm happy for you :) You're so much better than you were even just a few weeks ago, just getting better and better every day! And you'll probably get to leave Mando too, just more good stuff :D haha.

    Today.. not so good. I was totally exhausted, had no energy the entire day- from having barely anything to eat yesterday and getting very little sleep combined. Almost fell asleep in history class.. ;) I was super super stressed today too, I have a huge biology project due tomorrow plus a test to study for and a packet of assignments and a bunch of writing for English class... aaaahhhh. I'm almost done with my project though, its 1 AM here right now. Decided to take a quick break to write this comment :)

    So today I didn't think my parents would get here till late like 8 PM, that's when they were supposed to come home, but my mum came home from work early.. like 4:30! She never comes home that early, not even on normal days. And guess what she brings with her.. an extra large pizza (because it was on sale for lower price than the normal large) for the family plus two cookies for me. Total panic... I ended up eating it and everything, but it was terrible. The worst anxiety afterward. Absolutely horrible. And now I just feel so disgusting and huge. I wish I had a friend I could talk with about this stuff. But I can't trust anyone, my ability to trust people has disappeared after the whole thing with my friend. :/ Oh well. I'll just deal with it I guess, keep going, maybe things will get better eventually. Right now I really just need to be focusing on my work and my flute playing though.

    Have a great friday :) I definitely will.. well, it'll be good after second class when my test is finished :) Then it'll just be turning in projects and not worrying about homework because there's a three day weekend, then orchestra rehearsal at night and then i'm going to bed EARLY :) Happy to hear things are going well! Good night to me now I guess, and good morning to you :)