Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, May 5, 2011

No more visitors.

:( hello hello.

Well to start off, I'm not even gonna get into today. It's not worth it. I don't even want to think about today. It's just been BAD..
But I'm determined to change that.

To summarize today - I've cried. Cried. Cried. tried to run away. Threatened to kill myself. Screamed. Cried more. Had a hysteria fit.
So definitely not a good day.

I've been warned. If I don't bring my activity to zero I'll have a wheelchair, permanently. Fuck fuck fuck. I don't understand how things could get so wrong.

And also, if my activity doesn't get better. No more visitors.

Mum came today, she was told about my very bad day. Abd that she can't visit anymore.
She can ring on Sunday morning and depending how things have gone, she can come or not.

Fuck how I cried. Can she(my semi Case manager) even do Thst?
Having visitors is what kept me going. what would make me smile. Now.... I don't know.

I have bo idea how many ways I came up with ro kill myself. I'm not gonna write them down or anything.
No one should be worried though, I wont kill myself.

Mums coming tomorrow cus I need to go to BUP for a meeting.
Really she wouldnt have been allowed to come. It's sad. :(

I miss my mum so much. And it's gonna be so hard. But I have to be strong. I'll make it.

This is what I need. Now that ive calmed down.
And even though it's hard to accept, I think it's best if she doesn't visit. I just get hysteric. Just cry and cry.
I need a few days, to get into sitting. To get calmed down.

And when I get to see her, it will be a reward.

Oh my gosh... How will I manage this?

I need all the strength I can. I feel I'm about yo break.

But this isn't the first time I've been through this, but it's gonna be my last time.

No comments:

Post a Comment