Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My worst enemy.

Today has been a strange day....
   its gone by quickly... Thank God :)


This evening however, my mum and sister came to visit :)
   First me and my sister had a really good time, laughing, talkiing... it was really nice.

But then, my case manager wanted to speak to us, my mum had come then.
   basically planning what we'd do. how i would do if went to the cinema, and so on.

So it went a bit like this... you can go to the cinema, friday evening, take your night snack out if you want... but then you have to use a wheelchair, And Oh yeah - you cant sleep at home. you'd have to come back here.

Oh, thanx alot. you get me happy, excited for a moment. and then it all comes crashing down.
 
Id ont care what anybody thinks, im not using a wheelchair out. its my worst enemy.
  not just cus i haev to sit, thats the anorexia talking but because its embarrassing. i can walk. i dont need the wheelchair.
   I have legs, they work

And also, the wheelchair is too small and its embarrssing ot be seen in the wheelchair. so i refuse to go to the cinema. no way.
   Great.

Then also, i can have time out on Sunday.... but no activity. ok, what does that leave me?
   Like i can go and take my snack out, but id basically have to use a wheelchair.

Why are they doing this to me?


we're going to make more of a plan tomorrow, talk more. but basically, im not in a  wheelchair cus im too thin. but because they're worried, if i walk, ill trigger my activity. What? how does that work?

It jsut triggers me more, to not walk. cus then i feel i ahev to get up. if i know, ive taken a small walk to the main hospital, to the library for example. then my mind is at ease, and i can tell myself its ok to sit.
   like if  i end up standing for like half hour or something, if i have visitors. i end up sitting easier afterwards.

Ugghhh no idea what my plan is. but my life seriously sucks at the moment.

Will i ever get out? it feels like ill die here. jsut seeing these same four walls.... never leaving this building.

Oh yeah... my 3 weeks HDV anniversary . Nice.

Pretty upset at the moment, i was happy for a moment, thinking things would go well. but aslong as i have to use a wheel chair. im not gonna do anything.

so i get no chance to prove that i can manage out.... ill never leave HDV. ill be here forever.... days no longer matter.... it'll be months.

1 comment:

  1. De vill Inge att du rör på dig till bio för att det skulle innebära en vinst för anorexin. Du säger ju själv att det är lättare att sitta om du fått röra på dig, men det är bara för att du kompromissat med sjukdomen och det kan man inte göra om man ska bli frisk. Det är som att säga att det är bra att hoppa en måltid för att det gör det lättare att äta nästa gång. Det fungerar ju inte. Istället måste man stå ut och gå emot sjukdomen hela tiden. I början är det jobbigt, men sen när du klarat att äta utan fusk i flera veckor och samtidigt inte rört en massa på dig så blir det lättare och anorexin blir svagare :)

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