Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, May 7, 2011

My little challenge.

God how  i miss home... :( But things are going ok.

hard. hard. hard

im sitting here. anxious. stressing. wishing i wasnt sitting.

but im trying to think - if i behave. then maybe mum can come tomorrow. i mean, i think ive behaved myself.

Even though ive been so upset recently and about to give up, give in.
   ive decided not to. its not worth it.

i want a future.

i want a life. 

and at the end of all of this, things will be good. 

so even though things are hard, im upset, angry, depressed? things are ok.

im going to get through this.

so im going to fucking sit. limit my activity. im not scared of weight gain. that doesnt bother me anymore. it doesnt bother me to eat my meal plan, drink my energy drinks.
   its the sitting and relaxing which is the worst.    

im now sitting in a lab for lunch and dinner, as i wasnt following my Mando meter curve (read about the Mando meter here[if you dont know what it is.] but im as good as following the curve now. which was one thing which i had to do. For mum to be allowed to visit.

And also, ive decided. no small cheats. Ok, yes, the eating is going good, but there has been one or small things. not eveyrthing is that simple.
   but No more. 

I mean today, i could haev gotten away with LOTS of cheating, as on the weekends there isnt as many staff so they dont haev the closest watch.

  But i didnt :) First i felt a bit like Shit. i could have gotten away with not drinking the energy drink, or not eating that fruit. but the i thought, how is that going to benefit me? it wont.  iwant to go up in weight. (well, want and want.... but you know what i mean.)

and things went fine eating...nothin afterwaards.... jsut my legs wanting to run.
But i do have to say... i dont exercise/move/stand to  lose weight. that thoughts isnt there. its cus i feel uncomfortable sitting. relaxing. i dont like it.

My little challenge for today however is - 

I claim i can eat chocolate (its been like... a year or soemthing since ive had.) but i cant actualy eat butter or cheese its been months since ive eaten it.
   so ive decided. if i claim im so well, and can eat now, without angst. then why not show it. No one else, no staff will realise that im challenging myself. but i'll know.
   But i know it will go well :) I used to like cheese :) but it doesnt help that the cheese is the horrible sliced cheese, which i dont like. i like the cheese which you like slice yourself.

so my challegne for today - to eat butter and cheese :O  

   Hahah... no it will go well :) im not worried :) LOL .... im actually, kinda smiling? hehe

and even though im not outside, the sun is shining:) got to spend abut a half hour out inthe sun. sun on my back :)

I just want to get through today.... sit for another 8 hours. eat another 3 meals. 
and then i  get to go to my room. get ready. and jump into bed....

Lets see if i last...

have a good saturday ? :):):)

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