Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, May 30, 2011

Just keep fighting



Things aren't much better.
Still upset. Just want to cry. Hate it here. Want to give up.
Don't want to gain anymore weight
never want to eat again.

But it's not worth it.

What have I been doing at HDV for the past nearly 5 weeks, fighting, getting better, if I'm just about to give up and throw it all away?
I mean, that's the easy option. but this isn't an easy path.

I mean. I seriously don't want to do this anymore. I've had enough.

But these thoughts will fade, and if they dont. I just have to keep fighting anyway. What else can I do?

My lunch and my 3 snack were easier to eat. Not so much of a problem.

Right now, it's mainly the staff which really are bugging me. The way they look at me, doubt me, mistrust me.
I want to scream at them - I CAN BE TRUSTED!.

Also thoday when I spoke to mum, there was some type of change in her. Like she was like - do you realize your sick? Maybe your too young to realize that? Maybe it's best you stay at mando and focus on eating.


Ive never claimed im healthy. i know im not. i know im sick. but eating is going well. Yes, im having a down day today. but sooner or later it'll pass?
   And i mean... why are you suddenly doubting me too? why do you not want me home now? What have i done for wrong?

So that really sucks, it just left me even more upset after talking to her.


But tonight i just have to focus on eating and sitting, even though thats the last thign i wan to do but i guess its good that im here at Mando,, i have no other choice.
   and i have to try to fight these thoughts, not let them take control.

And i suppose i have tomorrow to kind of look forward to.
  I mean... i get to come out, for a bit... but only cus im going to the meeting with the other clinic.

No idea what to expect, dont know what will happen.... but i suppose.... you'll find out all about it :)

2 comments:

  1. Snälla ta och bli frisk!! Det var alldeles för längesedan du hade en rolig, härlig varm och fin sommar, utan några jobbiga tankar och ångest. Friska det skall vi bli och vi skall inte vänta, vi är tonåringar vi skall ragga killar och åka moppe!
    Massor av kramar från Frida!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lyssna på Frida. Hon verkar ha koll!

    ReplyDelete