Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, May 21, 2011

it feels like i have to be perfect

Hate the weekend.

Its going by slowly, slowly. And im feeling seriously sick.
   My stomach aches, not sure why, but its horrible trying to press the food into me.

the weekend staff suck. everything i do is wrong. I feel i  have to be perfect. every time im told off, each time someone tells me off, because they think ive done wrong....  i feel so bad. i silently punish myself for doing wrong, i take it so badly.

This morning i got the activity monitor on..... Oh no. :(

Today, no visitors. im only allowed  visitors two days a week. :( its unfair. i feel so lonely.

Tomorrow i am allowed to go home, for like 3 hours or something. i think it'll be good. but i feel such a pressure. if things dont go well, my case manager has made it clear, it'll be a while before i get time out again. its so much pressure. i get it. i go home and sit. nothing more.
   but its still so much pressure. because as i have the monitor on me, everything will show. and i mean, naturally, when your at home... i might move more.
   and this will be the biggest challenge. ive never been able to sit at home. why will i be able to ddo it now?

I want to go home, but im scared of going home and fucking things up and just ruining eveyrthing.

I still have the wheelchair.... cus im so underweight.- STOP TELLING ME. its not true. im not underwieght. i dont even understand why im still going up in weight.... :/

I hate today. i want today to be over.
   I seriously hate life at the momen. i dont want to live through today, not tonight, not even tomorrow and definitely not next week.
  i  cant manager another day of this.....

im tired, upset, angry, nervous, stressed, annoyed. 

No more Mando. no more eating. no more sitting.

no more of this.

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