Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, May 8, 2011

I'm in trouble:/

:) hello hello :)

Wgat a sunny day it is today:) - Nice:)
Wish I got more time out:) but we were lucky enough to get to sit out in the sun for a half hour before lunch:)
Hoping to get some sort of colour :)

I've been good, so I was allowed a visitor today :) yay!! Mummy's gonna come :D

So after lunch mum and my aunt came:)
Thank god. I got to go out.

Really I was only allowed to sit outside, if I were to be outside. No more.
So we sat outside and then we went to the car, as my dog sat there. Thst was really nice:) bring in the sun with my puppy :) she has this really nice puppy in the sun smell :)

But then my aunt wanted to buy dome magazines for me. So we went to the like newsagents, up in the main hospital. Takes 3 mins MAX to walk to.

That's when trouble hit.

There was a Mando staff there. She saw me.
F**k - she gave me the evils.

I was so nervous. What would happen now? Like really it's my own fault. Mum didn't know I wasn't allowed to wall there. I did.
But I didn't think anything of it.

Uggghhh when I came back. I had all the staff on me.

You know you weren't allowed to walk there. You have to use a wheelchair. I was about to burst into tears.
They also spoke to mum.

Poor mum. Having a daughter like me. She didn't know I wasn't allowed there, I've always been.
But she gets in trouble for it.

But I get in more trouble.

I won't be allowed visitors now, I know it.

I'm dreading tomorrow, and the next week.
I don't want to face my case manager tomorrow.

I just want to come home.

Things were going so well.... I actually thought I could make it. I thought I could last HDV, get through Mando.
But I really can't.

I really really really want something new.

So I'm hoping to get a place at SCA (Stockholms centre for anorexia/ätstorningar) anyone know anything about it?

I just want to get out of Mando.

Tonight will be long and boring.... Torture.
Don't want next week to begin :/

I'm about to burst into tears, but decided to do a list of good things about this week -

I've gotten to meet my puppy a few times.
Actually got to leave Mando on Friday (to go to the meeting)
Was allowed mum to visit today
Felt positive all week apart from today
Gotten over my fear of butter today (double challenged myself today and had it twice today - hmmm mm -

That's about it. Everything else has been bad. Bad. Bad.

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