Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Friday, May 6, 2011

i was happy for a moment, now its gone.

Gosh Gosh Gosh.

How will i survive this weekend?

Let me see, updates?

Well, i got to go to the meeting today. i was supposed to use a wheelchair, but mum told them that we wouldnt be able to fit the wheelchair in the car.
   they seemed to get cross at me - dont you know what we said? If you're out... you have to use wheelchair.
  its not my fault that the wheelchair wouldnt fit. and it wasnt me, who said i had to go to the meeting.
so dont get cross at me.

while we wer out, i had a look for thigns to keep me going.
   things which i can sit and do. like puzzel books/computer games etc etc.

didnt really get anything. :(

The meeting wasnt the best.  basically they said, right now they cant help me. im too weak. too underweight. not commited enough.
  they could help me once i was out of inpatiants. Maybe.

I got my mum to ring the Mando doctor then. she explained how things were going, how she thought it would be best if i were to come hhome.
   i was really nervous. but he seemed ok with the idea. he said he'd talk to my like case manager and that... i was super happy. thinking, next week. i might get to come home? not change clinic after all.?

i felt quite good coming back, or not good. i felt totally depressed. but i had the thought that i might get to go home in my head.
   but when i got back... all the staff eyes on me. watching. aaarrrrrrgggghhh

i had to have lunch then... at 1pm. an hour later. Ugh. it was oily grated potatoe with burger. not one bit nice.

Then, one hour later. i had to eat my snack. :( couldnt fit everything in.

Im now stuck with a staff all day. they follow me everywhere. ;(
i then got bad news. Apparently, the staff think im messing about with the food. so for dinner and lunch, i have to sit in a lab. FUCK. i cant, i get nervous. panicked.
  and also, because when i have the energy drink, its A FULL, 300ML glass. so i drink that first, so i get it over with. its hard to leave all the drink to the end.
   they dont like  that. why? whats so wrong with that?
i dont know.

im now also not allowed to prepare my snacks.  :( Oh no oh no oh no.
  and also no visitors.

im so fucking screwed.

i also ot the bad news that theres no way ill be allowed to change to day patients.



i cant believe this is happening.

oh god.... i dont know how ill last this weekend?

Im such a depressive. :/

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