Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Guess what I ate today? :D

And it's Tuesday already.... Damn do the days go slowly. I want it to be Friday. To be weekend. I might get time out or atleast visitors in the weekend :)

The morning started off slow, I did get caught cheating with the butter for my snack. It was the first time I've cheated in a few days nOw. I don't know why I did. :(
I felt so stupid afterwards. All I wanted to do was apologize, but there wad no point in it. It doesn't matter to them if I cheat.

So I've decided, I'm going to try not to. but that's what I've been doing, it was just the little hick up this morning.
But it kinda sucks, I want to show I'm getting better. Healthy. but cheating doesn't really qualify that.
But it was just once. So time to move on, and not do it again :)

We sat out in the sun for An hour before lunch. Was seriously nice.
It's easier to sit outside, doing puzzles or just sitting there when I don't have a staff watching me.

When I sit out in the day room, I feel so tense, I feel I need to be up and run about. But I can sit outside in the sun, for an hour and just relax. well, never completely relaxed.

After lunch I was supposed to do a maths test, was seriously nervous. Haven't studied one bit. Haven't had the patience/concentration/lust or will to do it. Couldnt even look at a maths book without getting a headache and feeling tired.
But the teacher wasn't in :) Yay!

But I did decide to sit down and study on my own, and surprisingly I sat and studied for an hour and a half :) not sure how much I'll Actually remember and considering I was listening to music.

Then... For our 3 snack the staff thought it'd be a good idea to go out for ice cream.

No hesitation there, I said yes right away.

This is what I want. I want to prove I can do these things. I wanted to eat ice cream:) I know I could do it:)

And I didn't even argue about the wheelchair. Finr, I'll use it now. But I won't have to use it forever.

I was wheeled to the shop with a smile on my face. I just felt good. not one bit nervous :)

When we got to the shop, I choose a cornetto Enigma - raspberry, dark chocolate and vanilla:) yummi!!
It was 230 calories and 11g fat.
Stupid to count, but it stood right there on the outside. But it didn't bother me. I mean, a risifrutti is 230 calories. And when I eat that, I have a glass of juice, a crisp bread with like butter and ham.
So much easier to eat an ice cream- tastier to:)

The ice cream was really nice - I recommend :) and I don't even feel bad about thinking like this:) I just liked eating the ice cream.... God. I can't believe I'm even writing this - it doesn't sound like me:)

And afterwards - Absaloutly nothing :) I just want to do it again. But eat ice cream with my mum/ friends... Go to town and eat ice cream with my sister. I hate being sick, so now I want to show I'm not. And me being sick has really affected my sister, she's found me hard yo be around. And I want to patch things up, and being normal and eating ice cream with her is a start :)
So when I can :)

im such a changed girl.

I remember my first time in HDV, last summer and they were going yo go for ice cream. I cried and cried and cried, refusing. In the end I didn't go.
This time, I went wantingly and willingly.

I'm changed, and I like it:)
Even though I hate it. I admit. I would never have felt like this if I wasn't admitted to inpatiants again:(
It sucks. But it's true. I mean, I'm even sitting longer and it's getting easier.

But I do hope to make fast progress and just get put of here, I know I can manage on my own:)

I'm so glad about today:) this is the kind of stuff I need to do:) to prove to myself that I'm getting better. So I know it's not just my head:)

One step closer to healthy :)


  1. *hugs you a thousand times* I'm so happy for you. Every post i see from you just gets more and more positive and it's great to see happen :) Well done on the ice cream and actually enjoying it! YAY! You'll be home soon at this rate hun i know it. ^_^

  2. Åh, jag åt också en sån glass idag fast med chokladsmak och kolasås i. Den var också supergod! Du borde testa om du gillar chokladglass ;)
    Nästa gång ska jag nog kanske testa den med hallon istället. Den lät god :)

  3. Wow, I'm soo happy for you! You're such a strong and amazing girl!

  4. Thanks :)
    i was thinking about taking the chocolate one, but then i saw the raspberry one. and as raspberry is my favourite... :)

    Im thinking either Diam or ben and jerrys next :)

    Planning to make an ice cream date with my sister when i next get a chance :)

  5. Woohoo!! Proud! I'm very happy for you! See, that's progress! You have done a fantastic job and now it's paying off! Remember, a month ago you wouldn't think like that. This really proves that you are really strong! Keep going girl! :D
    Today I ate a whole pizza with salad and some bread. But it doesn't matter anymore, I ate it so what? The thing is to remember who you are, not who ana is telling you to be. So keep fighting and things will get even easier!
    See you tomorrow!!! <3 A.