Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, May 7, 2011

From bulimi to anorexia to over activity.

I dont know how to explain it, but it feels like... i dont have anorexia any longer. Its like, ive accepted its OK to eat, and im allowing myself to eat again. and i dont mind weight gain, it deosn scare me anymore.
   im not spending my days counting calories obsessing over food.

But the thing is... i wont let myself sit down and relax. No no no.
   i always have to tense muscles, sit straight, fidget, move my legs..... i cant be still.

I dont actually know how to describe it, how to explain it.






But its like... i know i can eat chocolate. eat a 99 ice cream. Ben and jerrys. Pizza.
  I know on a saturday night, i could eat a pizza. maybe not a whole. but a half. i know i could and in all honesty, i dont know why im thinking like this.
   i dont know what happened.

And i dont even have any bad thoughts about thinking like this.

Before,if i ever thought food tasted  good. id have to like punish myself.

I know i can go out and eat a chocolate muffin.

But i know... i cant sit still for more than 10 minutes


And the thing is over activity is just as much an illness as not eating.


I dont see how this could ahev happend. i started with bullimi. i started purging my food before i started reducing it. or i had started reducig, but it wasnt as obvious, and then i stoppd eating. started exercising more.
   and then when i started at Mando. my activity startedd more. to like compensate for eating.

So its fucking Manda that has made me incapable of sitting.

Urrrggghhh and this is the worst treatment. imm watched 24/7 cant go up to go to my bag. cant do anything. all my small movements are being stopped. urrrghhh.... this is the worst ever. its hard to believe that this is for the best.

BUt im just going to take things head on.
 
at the end of all of this. ill be able to eat again, cus i can do that now. an ill be able to sit.

So i just have to accept the tears, the anger, the pain, the hurt.
 
ill get through this.


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