Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Sunday, May 22, 2011

First time home in 3,5 weeks :)

And I can say... It went absaloutlly brilliant!!:) well, that's what I think, but the monitor might read something else?

I'll start off with this morning.
At 9.30 we started preparing our trays for our ten snack. We were gonna go down to the hotel (it's just called a hotel. Basically it's another place where there are separate rooms where people who don't live in swden but are going to Mando stay. There's an area of grass and some benches to sit on out side the 'hotel' so when it's warm we go sit there) and eat.
The sun was boiling warm! we stayed out in the sun for about two hours!!

And for the first time, in forever!! I was completely still. I didn't tense my muscles, fidget, move.
I lay on a blanket and lay there, feeling the sun on my back for a complete of half hour. Of nothing!! Haha - it was completely normal. I'm working hard on being still. :)

Mum then came round 1.30pm and we drove home :)

It was weird at home first. My first time home in 3,5 weeks. I didn't feel I needed to stand. But the dishes needed to be cleaned. I felt so stressed about them. I had to do the dishes. it looked messy. Actually, the house was messy. I got quite stressed over it. I felt I needed to clean, it was always me to clean. But now I wasn't allowed.

Mum got into doing the dishes. Then there was another hard thing. My dog. She wanted to go out. Out for a walk. And no one would take her. I used to take her. 3 long walks a day. And the way she looked at me - you used to take me for long walks. Runs even.

I had to just ignore her:(

The half hour before my snack was kinda weird. No one was with me. And it was hard to sit. I wanted to do something. instead I went and lay on the bed with Daisy - and lay relaxed.

Then I fixed my snack, perfectly - taking a tsp butter and 3dl juice (Never drank juice at home. Even though it was on my meal plan) and of course the rest of my snack. A risifrutti,knackemacke and a fruit. I finally got to have a nectarine!! Yummy!!

Mum ate with me and also took a risifrutti!! Eating went really well :) nothing afterwards.
I then went and sat on the bed, relaxed and took some photos. Mum sat with me, but not in a I'm watching you way. but a sitting and talking kind of way. and I sat for the half hour. Abd I didn't feel the need to get up!!


  It was easy to sit. relaxed even. then after i had rested i spent an hour in the bathroom.

Showering, washing ym hair, shaving, moisturising, doing my skin, face mask.. the whole package. its like ive been living out in the dessert or fores for 3,5 weeks. no mirror. not taking care of myself... it felt god to pamper myself :)
   But the only thing waas... i had the activity monitor of for an hour... which im sure wasnt allowed. but i needed soem time for myself, some pamper time.


and then.. it was time to go. my time was up. :( It went by too quickly.

But now i know.. its easy at home. i can sit. i can eat.
   i have nothing to worry about. i know i can manage at home, just like ive known all along.


I mean, it must have been a  relief for mum, she didnt have to tell me to sit, we didnt argue about food... it jsut went well :) the way things should be :)


tomorrow i find out the reuslts of the activity monitor, which.... wont be good. so not sure how things will go, whether i get time out this week or now...

But im so happy!!

i feel good. and things went well....

More time at home, please? :)



2 comments:

  1. Great! You must have had a really good time! Of course you'll have more time out, you have managed to do everything perfectly! Won all the challenges! Now the only thing that's left is that you have to continue being so good! And remember, the results will be amazing! Summer is here now and you're ready to enjoy it! :D
    So happy for you, A <3

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  2. I'm so so happy for you!! That sounds like a great visit :) I'm so glad everything went well! You're getting so much better, its amazing. :)

    This morning we had family breakfast.. :o never fun. My family doesn't quite get along all that well...haha. Plus I was in a really bad mood because I had to eat chocolate chip pancakes. So not a good morning. But then we walked around a little in the farmer's market, got some good fruits and vegetables :) Helped ease the anxiety a little. So now my day will be lots of homework, and then driving an hour to my flute lesson and an hour back. Not fun :/ At least the flute lesson itself is going to be really good today, hopefully my teacher will be happy with me because I've done really well in some competitions? haha. And then its back home and doing more homework.

    SO happy for you, it sounds like a great day :) Keep up the good work, things are getting better every day!

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