Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

Translate

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

SCÄ

Today was my meeting with SCÄ.

I had no idea what to expect, and i dont think i could have imagined it.
  The building reminded me very much of the irish hospital i had been in. It was like an institution. veyr much like a hospital. one of thoose old hospital, like you see in thoose 60's movies. Thoose mental hospitals.

When i got there, my good mood faded. i started feeling panicked. stressed. all these bad thoughts coming.

You just ate an ice cream. you're not fucking sick. and i started hating my body. realsing how fat i am. horrible. horrible. horrible.
   and i thought i was free from these thoughts? (Ok, i know im not... but when i dont have the thoughts. it feels like im free.)

All i wanted to do was run away frmo the building, i didnt want to sit there. i couldnt sit.

I also relaised. i dont want to change treatment centre. I really dont want to.

Its too much.  going from one place to another. isnt it best to just  stay here at Mando?

Me and mum talked to a doctor and the chief there, talked through the treatment.

It looks a bit like this -

Me and mum would both stay at the centre. id be there for atleast 2 weeks. and up till 6 weeks or so.

  We eat 6 meals a day. and mum would be with me for every meal.

We get lunch and dinner served there, and then me and mum have to manage on our own for the snacks and breakfast.

 There are 4 different alternatives for the snacks and breakfast which you can choose from (DONT LIKE THAT) and then you take that from the kitchen.
  But i dont like that. i want a meal plan which is designed for me. so its calculated for me. and i like using measuring cups. i dont want to just pour the yoghurt....?

It seems like they most focus on, being able to eat my meals with the family. But i dont need that help anymore.
  that works well now.

Like they hardly spoke about weight, meal plans, dietiatian, resting.... it was just... being able to eat my meals with the family.


But is that such a problem? No, not really.
   I  mean, yes.... i do still haev issues with food. but in time, with more training. it'll pass.
  But training as in eating the food,

Its mainly my activity. but thats slowly being kicked out of me....

I dont know.... i know im not healthy. but i dont know what help i need.
  What more can Mando do for me? What can SCÄ do for me?

I just dont know. they were talking about me being admitted right away.
   But instead.... next week we decided. we get a few days to decide what we want to do.

But ive decided - i dont want to go there. it cant help me.

My activity will increase, as its just focus on food. but thats not what i need. i need the focus to be taken away from food, and for me to focus on something else. for them to help me in some other way. not jsut being able to eat.....

And spending 24/7 with my mum that'll just cause arguements. and as i dont want to go there, i wont be so willing to follow the plan.

And i dont know how it would go with my meals... maybe thigns would go worse. because im not comfortable eating without knowing i haev the right measurements. and i would eat food which someone else has decided. its not alternatives which have been calculated for me, not a meal plan ive decided i want to eat.
   and mum would plate up my lunch and dinner. and i dont even know what type of food i would get there? would it be like, cocktail sausages/chips/burgers/battered fish/pasta and cheese.... like you know hospital food?

I just dont know. I know thoose are just anorexia worries. but what happens if i go there, and suddenly my eating habits become worse?

I jsut have to wait here in HDV now, and see what happens.

I dont even know if im still allowed here at Mando, i mean its been decided that i move. but i jsut dont think its worth it. i dont think it will help and i think it will jsut cause arguements with my mum.....
   and i dont want that.

So im gonna try to make my point heard... but i dont think it will do much.

Thats what i thought about SCÄ anyway.... anyone have any questions... feel free to comment :)

Ice cream is nice :)

When you choose to eat ice cream over your regular snack, then I think you can say your on your way to healthy!!!

So today I was full packed with meetings :) (I didn't mind that. Getting some away rime from Mando :) )
First the CF clinic ( Cystic Fibrosis. For you who don't know. It's a chronic illness which I also have. Was born with and can't get rid of. So I have two illnesses.
CF affects my lungs and also my stomach. I go to like a control/meeting about once a month to make sure everything is going well. You can read more (if you want) here. But it's not so important.)
  And everything is going well there. So that's a HUGE relief.
And also - No one was around. So I hopped onto the weighing scale. With shoes and clothes on.
The number didn't bother me.
I know I've been heavier before. And the thing is - I don't feel small. But I Dont feel huge either. and I'm just thinking - well, it just means I'm getting closer to my goalweight, which means I can stop gaining weight.

And then we had an hour to pass until we had to go for the meeting with SCÄ and a half hour till my snack.

I had packed with me a snack which I had beentold I had to eat, but I decided no. I don't want my snack. I want an ice cream. it's sunny weather and it's more normal to eat an ice cream then a risifrutti (and more)
So we went to a little cafe and sat in the sun.

First I wasn't so sure what to choose, and whether I should take scoop ice cream or just a regular?
But I decided to take a hazel nut Cornetto Enigma. I took the raspberry one the last time.




It wasn't as nice :) but still yummy!!
I've still got to try the chocolate Enigma :)


And once again, I had no afterthought about eating it :)

:) getting better? yes. I think so

Monday, May 30, 2011

Yippee!


No more wheelchair :)

I can walk... i can use my legs when im out :)
-For now anyway... if i start losing weight then i hav to use a wheelchair again :)

And i get some time out.
On friday, saturday and on Monday... :)
So its something. 

Havent planned what ill do yet... not sure what im allowed.

but atleast im allowed :)

oHHH.... and the bad thoughts are pretty much gone ;)
Things are looking up again 

Just keep fighting



Things aren't much better.
Still upset. Just want to cry. Hate it here. Want to give up.
Don't want to gain anymore weight
never want to eat again.

But it's not worth it.

What have I been doing at HDV for the past nearly 5 weeks, fighting, getting better, if I'm just about to give up and throw it all away?
I mean, that's the easy option. but this isn't an easy path.

I mean. I seriously don't want to do this anymore. I've had enough.

But these thoughts will fade, and if they dont. I just have to keep fighting anyway. What else can I do?

My lunch and my 3 snack were easier to eat. Not so much of a problem.

Right now, it's mainly the staff which really are bugging me. The way they look at me, doubt me, mistrust me.
I want to scream at them - I CAN BE TRUSTED!.

Also thoday when I spoke to mum, there was some type of change in her. Like she was like - do you realize your sick? Maybe your too young to realize that? Maybe it's best you stay at mando and focus on eating.


Ive never claimed im healthy. i know im not. i know im sick. but eating is going well. Yes, im having a down day today. but sooner or later it'll pass?
   And i mean... why are you suddenly doubting me too? why do you not want me home now? What have i done for wrong?

So that really sucks, it just left me even more upset after talking to her.


But tonight i just have to focus on eating and sitting, even though thats the last thign i wan to do but i guess its good that im here at Mando,, i have no other choice.
   and i have to try to fight these thoughts, not let them take control.

And i suppose i have tomorrow to kind of look forward to.
  I mean... i get to come out, for a bit... but only cus im going to the meeting with the other clinic.

No idea what to expect, dont know what will happen.... but i suppose.... you'll find out all about it :)

Ive hit a wall.



Ive hit a wall.
   a huge, brick, stone wall. its all i can see. it caries on up, up, up. and all the way infront of my path.
  I cant see past it.

Ive been strong to long, i cant carry on. this wall is stopping me. i cant go by it, all i can do is turn back.
   All my good work, gone. all my hard work.

I just want to stand in a corner and cry.

I cant do this anymore. its all too much.

I want to turn back.


I dont want to gain any more wieght. i dont want to sit here and eat. i dont want to live my life anymore.
   I cant get past this. things are too hard.

Ive done this for too long,ive been fighting too long. all my strength is gone. and suddely, in a split second. I give up.





Sunday, May 29, 2011

change what i see.

When i got back to mando for dinner. things went a bit wrong.
   I got fish, but i didnt want fish. i had had fsh for lunch aready... and my stupid case manager ouldn let me change. :(
  Then when i measured up my juice it was slightly off. when i took the vegetables i ended up taking the water with it, and then i got told off for rushing about. (But thats cus i was stressed. i didnt want the fish and i was angry and annoyed about being given out to.)
 
When i lay the rest room all i could hear in my head was I cant do this. i cant do this. i want to get away from here. i was nearly in tears. I wanted to jump up and scream.
   And it was jsut cus I had been given out to. and the thing was... what will they think now? I can be trusted. i did everything right at home, so why do i have to come back and things go wrong?
   What will my case manager think? im so worried.... and im getting stressed and angry at myself. jsut sitting and waiting, not knowing what she'll say. :/
   But i'll have to wait till tomorrow, until shes seenm y activity reuslts.... Uh oh?


I seriously dont want to eat my night snack tonight... first off, i dont want any of my alternatives... they're all so blah.


But also -

I HATE MY BODY.

I feel so aaaahhhhh.... i have 'rolls' on my belly. i can feel the fat there. i can see the fat there.

no more wieght gain? no more eating. no more sitting.


I dont want to see my body. i dont want ot deal with it. i want to turn my mind off.
   Things are hard right now...... just these few moments.

Suddenly everythings hitting me, like a train.

How much weight have i gained? how much do i wiegh? too many calories. too much sitting. i want to burn calories.
   i dont want ot be at Mando. i dont want to eat....

can these thoughts/these moments please pass?



Home for the day

I cant believe its already 3 o clock - snack time...
  the day has passed by so quickly. i dont have a problem with that though :)

I ate breakfast and my ten snack at Mando this morning. Actually, one of the staff mentioned while i was eating, you look so happy!! I jsut looked at her weird? Did I?
   I was sitting there eating my bread with butter, juice and an energy drink? and i looked happy? Weird.
I jsut smiled and told her i was going home. i was Happy.
   But at the same time nervous and kinda worried. not so sure how things would go.

When igot home things were kinda hard at first, i really didnt want to sit. everything felt weird. actually all i wanted to do was to run back to Mando. i didnt want to be home.
   i wanted to get away.
Instead, after a few annoying moments of jsut walking around not wantitng to sit. i got out my book and sat in the chair and read.
   And then the time paassed by and it was lunch.

Mum had cooked cod with a pepper cremefraich sauce, potatoes and veggies :)
   Everything looked good and tasted good too :)
 I gave mum her homme made presents... not that special, but it was something :)

And then i rested a while and me mum and my sister sat talking... it was nice. being able to eat lunch with no fighting or arguements, weighing up right.
   And then not haveing to run away and do the dish or run away adn stand. just lie in teh sofa.






Later i spent time on myself... hehe... washing my hair, doing my facial stuff, all that jazz :) I jsut got to say. Never take that for granted :)

And now it was my snack :)

For my snack at first there was a bit of a stir. mum had bought this strawberry yoghurt... but its not the same calories, as the yoghurt at Mando. i refused to eat it at first adn demanded mum to go to the shop. she said she would.
  but when it came to my snack, i was like No. dont go to the shop. if im going to be home, im going to have to be able to eat the food thats here, not have special food. yoghurt is yoghurt.
    so i took the strawberry yoghurt. And then, instead of a fruit i took some strawberries :) Yummi and all bran.
  As i was pouring up the juice though, mum and my sister had already gone to sit down. i was like, ok, ill take 2dl juice instead. But then i realised. NO. thats anorexia. if i cheat now, or let anorexia control me now, then im giving in.
   i poured the 3dl and went and sat down. :)





Hell yeah... i BEAT anorexia. (well today.) i didnt give in. i measured correctly, even though no one was with me.... mum says its up to me. But ive given her my meal plan and tell her she can watch me if she wants to, but she wants to trust me.
   this time her trust is in hte right place :)

Now im just gonna lazy about round the house, and in about an hours time we have to leave so i'm back for dinner. :(
  Ughhh.... why does the day jsut centre around food?


   Things haev gone well, i mean, its not all easy. and in a way, im kind of glad that they no one listened to me and was like - Ok, you say you can go home. so go home. it wouldnt have worked. i wouldnt have sat. i know i wouldnt have done right.

Tomorrows Monday, and a new week... :)


Happy mothers day

To my beautiful mother who won't see this -

I love you

Shes so strong. Being here with me. Even though some days she doesn't have the strength to deal with me. She puts me first, thinks of others.
She's the most amazing mum, no
Matter how much we argue, no matter how much I scream at her and tell her I hate her, she's amazing and means the world to me.

Anf I know, one day I'll be free from anorexia. And I can look at her and tell her, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for never giving up. Thank you for never losing hope. Thank you for helping me.







^^^ She used to be a model :) hehe....
All the photos above, taken by me :)

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Yummi in my tummy :P

Today has been an OK day. :/

Well the morning started off good. ate my breakfast and my snack and I was relaxed when resting and sitting. It's getting easier :)
And then it was lunch and my rest.

And then it was visiting hours - my mum said she'd come at 1pm.... The click slowly ticked by to 13.30. I called. She hadn't even left the house yet, and it takes a half hour to drive. :/
I cried and cried. :( was upset and dissappointed.
my happy good mood faded. I wasn't liking forward to going out. Now I just wanted to. Stay at Mando. I didn't want to go anywhere with mum.
And the worst thing was, as I sat there crying. No one cared. the staff sat there, painting their nails, reading, talking... Ignoring me. Sure that's what I wanted. Its not like I wanted to talk to them. Not like I would have, but some recognition would have been nice. :/

Suffice to say, when mum funaly came I was so cross and angry I could barely klook at her. I couldn't sit down I was so angry.
I didn't want to go fika, I was suddenly dreading it.

And my hatred for sitting came back. All I wanted to do was run.

Mum finally convinced me to come out, and we drive to a small cafe. First I was bit flustered over what to choose. My first instinct was to go for the mini biscuit. But instead I choose a strawberry and rhubarb pie with vanilla sauce.
We sat down outside with blankets wrapped around us and ate :) the pie was yummi!!
Really enjoyed eating it :)
It was kind of hard to sit still, I wanted to get up and walk around. But I managed to keep myself occupied by taking photos, getting up now and again :)

And then it was back to mando fir dinner. Where there were only 2 other patients.

The other two patients sat in a lab, so I sat in the main eating area with 2 staff - awkward and not nice. But I was in a good mood, so it went fine :)

It's so silent here, I don't like it :/

I'm so glad I get to come home tomorrow because, apparently everyone else will have time out too. Imagine if I was the only one left sitting here? I'd definitely return to self harm :/

I know it's weird, but I'm jealous of the other patients. There are so small. They eat less then me, and dont need a wheelchair. But
Me - I'm huge. I'm in a wheelchair. I have energy drinks and a high mealplan :( it sucks.
But also, some patients who came after me are getting time out, more then me. And I've been here longer then them :(
I know it's stupid, but I can't help being jealous. It's unfair.

But I'm glad about today - I think things went well, don't know what mum thought... Maybe my activity was a bit high?

Pose :)

My mum :)

Our tray

Yes - im actually eating :)

My pie :) yummi yummi

An ant decided to join us :)

Enjpoying the few moments of sun :)
nervous... but things will go well :)



Friday, May 27, 2011

someone who understands

Its so nice to have someone who understands... anyone who has or has had an ED. you'll know how hard it s to talk to anyone... no one understands. you feel alone.
   but in reality... we're not. we're not doing this alone. we're not alone in thinking these thoughts, even though it feels like it.
   So when i can finally talk to someone, who knows what im thinking and doesnt think im stupid for it, or doesnt understand me. because they're going through the same thing... its a relief... knowing im not some weirdo.
    Having soemone understand.

My plans for the weekend, they're good :)
   I get some time out which is good, and i think i much deserve it :)

My mum or sister can come at visiting hours on Saturday and then for my 3 snack we can go out and take a cake or ice cream :) That'll be good. i do admit..... theres a bit of me which is nervous and really doesnt want to. but im trying to remind myself... eating a piece o f pie, or an ice cream... its the same as eating my 3 snack. so why not take something a bit nicer?
   even though i feel slightly nervous, i now thigns will go well.... im usually nervous before i try something new :) (Its new, as this time im actually gonna eat something..... the past times i went fika with mum i ddnt exactly eat the proper thing....)

And then on Sunday, i get to go home after my 3 snack and take both lucnh and my 3 snack... nervous about lunch? what will be cooked? bt i mean.. it has to be better than the usual beef and roast potatoes with like bernaise sauce...
   and i'lll just get on with eating it...i hope? but heres another challenge i haev to overcome.
 And as its mothers day on Sunday, we might do seomthing nice... no, i doubt it. im still not allowed any activity.

Im glad this week is over, it seems like its never ending....  and its sucked... the whole week.
 
Tonight it sucks though... just upset. today has been quite an annoying day. hated eating.
  and its sucked... cus ive sat relaxed.... practically all day. but now im getting nervous. now i feel my legs tensing. i dont want to sit anymore.
   but also...no ones noticed. no one has seen that ive been relaxed... and i hate it. nothing i do is good enough.
 
I jsut want to get out of this hell hole, with the awful staff....

I never want to see these four walls again.
 
I feel so free. Light. But at the same time trapped.

Like eating is going well.... And sitting is going so much better... So I'm feeling light and free. Happy! but still... Sometimes I get a thought like - you're fat. Horrible. A pig who eats too much. Who'll ever love you or want you?

Like I have so much more control then Ana. But somedays that voice comes back. Tearing me down. Trying to break me. Trying to gain control.

And I feel so trapped in these mando walls. I could be doing something more beneficial... Of course I know, Mando is helping me. I wouldn't be where I am now... If I hadn't come here. But still... Now I feel trapped here. Now I want my chance to fly.. To get away from here.
Mando has given me the push, Tge start I need.

But maybe I'll be out of here soon, a new chance... A new beginning.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

out of here soon.

Meeting on tuesday with SCA!

I might be out of here soon :)

She was impressed :D

Today has been a quite ok day!! :)

It's weird that it's Thursday - it feels like a Friday!! :)
This morning, after our snack we went to the library. I was rolled there in my rolls Royce. - no, the shittiest little wheelchair there is. But sure... Sooner or later I won't need it.
And I borrowed a few Swedish books :) I can actually read again :) - weird? but I lost my concentration. Couldn't focus. And anyway, I wouldnt sit and read.... So now I can focus and concentrate and remember what I read. And at the same time I'm training my Swedish :)
It's nice :) im a real bookworm!!!

And then of course it was the normal lunch and rest. And some outside sun time :) I want to get real brown this year. I'm so pale I look like a vampire!!!

And then I went to this angst and phobias forum. It was ok.... It doesn't affect me so much, so it wasn't that important... But still.
And then there was cinnamon buns and coffee. I thought I was just gonna take my normal snack, but my case manager said that as we didn't have time to go to a cafe to 'fika' (coffee and cake) I'd take a cinnamon bun now :)
Wasn't worried or nervous. No panic :)



I took a cinnamon bun, a cafe latte and then extra a pepperkaka (ginger snap!!) my case manager was impressed that I took the biscuit extra. But it was what I wanted. Not Ana. I wanted to dip the biscuit in my late, so I did.... And absaloutly no guilt/angst or panic!! :) I just smiled :) I felt good and happy - and I'm progressing :)
It was annoying though to sit there and watch as the girl besude me sat there crumbling her bun, picking bits off, refusing to eat it, while I had just gotten on with it. :/ that was the worst bit.


^^extra^^



And hopefully my case manager notices that I'm sitting more :) hahaha :)
I'm relaxing. No muscles tensed. The first few minutes is the hardest. Trying to keep myself still and relaxed, but after five minutes of a battle in my head, I'm relaxed. And then I only get up if I need to. Which sometimes is too often.

Infact, me and this other girl are going to like join teams (or whatever you say) we both have bait of a problem for getting up and walking. So were both gonna try our damnedest to sit... Or I will anyway. She doesn't have as much of a problem as me:)
We're gonna give each other evil eyes when the other gets up :)

Haha... We'll see if it works or not....


But things are going well for me... Or I think they are... :)

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

6 weeks assessment.

I've written about this before, and the people from Mando will know what I'm on about.

Today I did this six weeks assessment. I got these papers to fill in. One is to assess my
Mental health and one is where I fill in what I've eaten for the past 24 hours. That's basically just writing in my meal plan.

And then tonight for dinner I'll eat wii base - (you can find out what wii base is here.)
Not sure how that will go. I did really well eating wii base before - but not so sure now.

Until further notice - I have the wheelchair out. :(
And nobody seems to have noticed that ive decreased my activity - it's still not good enough. :/
And then.., the sun is gone. :( it's just horrible rain.

^^^ my little facts/updates - not important, but whatever! - hey. It's my blog :) you don't have to read it :)

On the upside :)

Lunch was nice :) pasta with this seafood chowder sauce (never had that here before) but I love sea food - so it was yummi!!
Ive finished my Swedish assignment. Sent it away. So don't need to stress over that :)

So that's that. I'll be celebrating my yet another 4 week inpatient anniversary, sitting by the computer.

Any good film/music tips? (I know I've asked.) or any good sites? :) or any good blogs, actually!!

Much appreciated :D

Thanx everyone for reading and commenting :)
Hope you've all had a good day

X

Just keeping you updated

Cann you believe - 4 weeks of HDV?

I've calculated -

I've been part if mando for 45 weeks< 26 weeks spent as an inpatient. That's - 1080 hours
64800 minutes
3888000 seconds


Of course I know. While I've been an inpatient, I have had time out and at home. And I have been day patient, and I did go to Ireland for 3 weeks. But still....

And my story doesn't even start with Mando.... And it doesn't finish with it either. :(

So much of my life wasted.
I know, it's stupid to count days-hours, minutes - but each
Moment wasted here, wasting on Ana. letting Ana control my life. That's a moment taken from me. ^^^ stupid calculations - but atleast I'm using my brain for something.



Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I like breakfast!



It's my favourite meal :)

I like it alot.

It's also when my belly has been empty for the longest :)

I love my porridge:) the kitchen tok on my advice and instead if the porridge being a gloopy horrible grool, it's now sticky and salty... Yummy!
I do kinda wish I could have alpro soya milk instead of regular milk



(I've never been a fan of cows milk. But I've never been a fan of meat either. And now at Mando I have to eat meat and drink cows milk :/)

:) I look forward to breakfast (well most days... Not always)

Can't wait to be able to go home though and make the porridge myself, and be able to toast bread... And eat caviar... And drink vanilla tea :) little pleasures :)


^^Caviar^^ - for the non - swedes :)



My 'To Buy' list.

At the moment, I'm not eating too much chocolate. None infact.

But I will. soon.

But there's all these special chocolate editions out. which I really want yo try.

But I'm not planning to stuff myself with chocolate.
I'm going to eat a bar when I feel ready for it, when I know I can manage it. Soon, I know
I'll puck sometime when I'm feeling good and positive, so that. I won't get angst.
Cus chocolate will be a real challenge

But what I'm gonna do is, buy some of these special editions, the ones I want to try and I'll freeze them. Save them. So that when I can, I'll try eating them.

Yes, this sounds wrong and I'm sure, fucked up. But I want to try the chocolate, just not right now. And I'm not gonna stuff myself with it just cus I want to try some. That would being major angst.

My to buy list -

Marabou cookies and cream
Kex blueberry
Kex raspberry
Marabou strawberry cheesecake
Marabou blueberry dream (think it's called that?)
Marabou vintner vit (is that still out?)
White toblerone
Marabou Mango





Anyone tried them? What about any recommendations for me?

Is it wrong what I'm gonna do?

*

I wish i could go back to the past, change my future... make all of this disappear. 



But i thought i was sitting?





My activity's too high.


Whats new?


No, but my case manager saw the results of my activity monitor and they were not good. i havent seen the results myself... but they were apparently sky high. as usual... I think i know what the results looked like.

But i really am trying to sit. and i have been.


ive been sitting for 45 minutes intervals :) hahah... no, but thats progress.


so tomorrow till sunday ill have an activity monitor on me.... damn.damn.damn.


well, im just going to keep doing what i do.... and whatever.


things will go as they go.... now im just hoping SCA ring mum and i get the hell out of here.

I cant stand anymore of Mando. i mean, im not even supposed to be here. cant i just be home then? why do i have to sit here, depressed.... (ok, no im not. im actually quite happy...)
 
Im hoping tomorrow for my 3 snack i go out and fika (cake and coffee/juice)... my case manager doesnt believe i can go for cake, she wants to see me do it atleast once, before she lets me go and eat cake with like mum.
   In all honesty... its been ages since ive gone for a fika.... and the last times i have... ive taken a little like 100cal biscuit or like a littlecherry tart.. not a proper fika.
   and now i want to. i want to take a carrot cake/buleberry pie... maybe even a muffin?

Im just looking forward to it... so its either tomorow or on Thursday.... or next week?

Otherwise my days been quiet, theres been a 'sofachat' here... when the staff and us patiants bring up different things.. like fi we want to bring up any changes and so forth. it wasnt anything special.... just the normal.
   we have to sit, no running about.... things like that.

This week is just gonna be spent here aat Mando.. nothing exciting happening. :( Hopin for time at home, on Sundays its mothers day... so i want to sleep at home, spend atleast some of the day wth mum...