Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

Translate

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Worst day EVER!

Got up, started arguing with my mum. Went to school, meet my mum. Argued with her. Went to get my hair cut (as a hair model for Well, they were trying a new cutting style) didnt get a say in how  wanted my hair cut, hated it. Meet my mum, was pissed off about my hair (just hte cherry on top of the HUGE mountain of problems i already hvae.!) and was pissed off about my arguement wit my mum already. (She thinks im doing soemthign wrong, not following my meal plan or seomthing. So shes keeping a real close eye on me and beign a  complete bitch. I hate it that the one person who trusted that i was doing everything right, now doesnt.)i walked away from her, couldnt stand her, She followed me, we went home. She bought this horrible fish and mashed potatoes already cooked meal. I refuesed to eat it, but she forced me. Urrggghhh god i felt sick afterwards. After that i had liek the worst attack ever. I was int he shower and jsut crying, i ahted my life. I wanted to die. First, yes i know stupid, but i resorted to cutting myself, but ti wasnt enough, i wanted to end my life, so badly that iwas planning to overdose (I dont know what came over me. Itcame so suddenly) i check around for pain killers, because that is exactly what i wanted, somethign to kill the pain that i was in. But i only had six, and that wasnt enough to overdose. There was no point just takin six. :/ So i cried and cried and cried soem more. Ignoring everyone.
  Everything was going so slowly, but it might have been the fact that everythign got delayed, ihad lunch at three, my 3 snack at 5.30 and now my dinner at 7.30, so everythigns kinda late.
  Im feelinga bit better, still ntot alking to anyone and refuse tot talk. I dont want to. I want to keep ervythign to myself. Its too ahrd ot speak and no one understands me. Understadns that paint hat im in and how diffucult everythign is for me. But in all honesty, everything is going downhill. My thoughts are taking over. Like at this point, i may eat, but my mind has COMPLETE control. I actually want to throw up, cut myself, kill myself.
  I stil lcry each time i see my hair, i hate it. Tomorrow im gonna go back to Wella, and have it bleached. Im really scared what if that ruins my hair even more? Then im not leaving hte house, or wearing a hat permanently. I dont think that there'll be many pics of me frmo now on.

X

Life sucks permanently.

No comments:

Post a Comment