Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Monday, September 27, 2010

VERY important note to self!

So yesterday... i dont know what it was... but i decidd i didnt want to take my calshake. Which i suppose i have felt every night but ihave just dealt with it, drank the calshake down before i could stop myself and then sat in the sitting room or something to stop myself puking, but last night, last night i decided to be clever, pour the drink down the bathroom sink, as mum was in hte kitchen.
  Yah... wehn you get caught it just doesnt seem like  good idea nymore.
My sister was like, what are you doing with a glass int he bathroom and after a while ia dmitted that i poured it out. Ok.... no one trusts me and i wont get t hat back. I thought by doing everything right people would trust me, apparently not.
  It seems that no one notices when yuo do evrything right, which is what i do. i follow my meal plan drink the calshake, no mater how much it hurts inside. But nobody notices, they're waiting for me to fuck up.
  And then they always catch you when you do fuck up, so that just proves there point, you cant trust us.
 But i just poured myself another calshake, sat down and drank it. Feeling even more stupid because all the other nights had gone so well,i think mum was ven starting to trust me, well not really,but somewhere believe that i was doing everything right.... but then i haev to go and fuck it up. Greaaatttt...

My life is jsut getting ebtter and better... my weight is most probably going to be down and then mum will be like its cus she didnt take the calshake and no one wil ltrust me and my supervisor will get anry at my mum most probably, my mum will get angry at me, they'll both watch me like a hawk and everythign will jsut be crap, i'll feel like crap and most probably get suicidal thouhts.
  God, its like i can see into the future.


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