Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

How does that make me feel?

Ok, so here at Mando were told, you know... you have to finish eating once you start. dont leave food on the plate. by that they dont mean licking the plate, eating EVERY morsel on the plate, but atleast finishing hte big bites, not leaving anything thats too big. if that makes any sense. and ive stuck to that, no matter how much im like, oh, well that half a pasta piece wont nmaek a difference, and in all honesty its not like ti will, its not like i´ll lose wieght if i dont eta it, but they really drive it into us that you will if you dont - Hah, laugh out loud!"
   But while your in HDV, you do haev to eat every morsel, and no matter how much i hated it, i did.
 But now today, for lunch it was Pitti Panna, which is like pieces of potato and pork chopped into small cubes in a cheese cream sauce,  and egg (but i told them that i couldnt eta the egg..ooops, that jsut meant more pitti panna, but i would haev puked if i had hte egg.) ewww.. pukiable food.
  But everyone who sat arund me, seemed to leave food ont he plate. Like on girl, she didnt even have the Mando Meter screen on the table, in ehr lap, so no one could see,. Like come on, we all have Mando Meters here. The only other time ive sen seomone do that was when they put like 50% vegetables and they didnt want anyone to see. Liek, ocme off it. We´re not stupid.
  and then another girl she had come far enought o not use hte Mando meter and hse didnt take much on her plate, btu she didnt even finish it.
   and then one girl, she dint even haev the full portion 350gram, she hadnt comef ar enough (because when you start they ease you into it, youstart with like 150 gram, then like 220 gram and then 280 or soemthign adn 350.) and you could see she was struggling, but half way throughs he started to taek the food off hte plate and put it onto another plate, and trhen at the end she jsut turned off hte Mando Meter and left food onthe plate.
  Like our supervisors will see if we dotn eat everythign we put ont he plate but still...
 It really affects me when things like that happen. Because then im just liuke, well if they can do it? why cant i? i dont want to sit here and eat. i hate it. it really makes me feel like shit when it happens.
  but i suppose they dont think how it affects others.

Stupid, i do veyr much feel like getting up and walking away from those girls... but sure, if i could i almost feel like i would do the same thing.


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