Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, September 16, 2010

First to start, last to finish!

Thats how i am wheni finish, imight be one of the first people to sit down with my tray but lmost alwys last... its kind of embarassing,like even the new girl (I think she caem staright into day patient) eats faster than me. But me.. itake such small bites an i've tried changing it, but im not comfortable with it. I like taking smallbites... jsut because everyone els ejust gobbles down their food.
  But yeah... it gets kind fo annoying as your the last one sitting there.

This morning even the staff who sat with usf or breakfast she ended up leaving and i was the only one stting there, and  i still had scandishake to drink, and there was a tap in the room... it took everything i had to notgo and pour out the drink.
   But theni felt even worse after i drank it realising that i had the chance to not drink it and i didnt use it. I guess i jsut have to pile on the pounds. :(
  Like for lunch, i was down int he hotel, cooking. Chicken Pasta. But it took so much to jsut wlak otu the door and not go to the unlocked bathroom and puke. Like yes, im partly ovr throwing up, but it doesnt meean that it doesnt come creeping up wheni have the chance to puke... which seems veyr often. And it takes so much mentally out of me to ignore that, sometimes i adit i cant and i do go and throw up, its really not easy to ignore it, but i really am trying and thats what counts.

So went to the Cf clinic, things went fine.But they want me to do  my nebuliser two times a day and my supervisor was liek cus i dont have time int he morning, she was like bring it in here and you can do it here. I basically wanted to shout at ehr to Fuck Off!! Like she also talks to me as if she knows god damn eveyrthing about cf, when all she knows is what she got off hte internet which mostly is bullshit. Like they only talk about the people with really bad CF, and my cf, is undercontrol. Its good. So i think im fine with jsut doing my nebuliser once a day. My chest is clear. Like fine add te scandishake and make me take things i dont and all that, but dont come butting into my Cf, because you aev no frigging idea.
   They then took blood, hmmm.... didnt expect that, but it didnt exactly hurt. So thats good.

Thats about eveyrthing up to date right now... oh, i did go and "fika" after the cf clinic with mum. Took a cookie... i do admit it was most probably smaller that i was allowed,but hey! So what? :)


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