Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Beautiful nightmare! - Hah!

Last night i was seriously restless, couldnt sleep. For the first part of the night, i kept waking up, thinking, "OMG, 3 snack. WHat should i take? An apple? Follow ym meal plan? SHould i throw up?" It was really annoying, because i swear it felt like evry five minutes i was awake wondering what i should eat for ym 3 o clock snack. I think that was because yesterday i told mum that you know once you've reached your goal weight then you have to keep that weight for four months ebfore you can be dishcharged and within that four months you ahve to keep the weight on yourself, without a meal plan. SO you eat when your hungry and you tke what you want. And i ssai that i wanted to do that, to not follow a meal plan. BUt i know in all honesty, i wouldnt eat then. Or i'd take a furit or a caoffee for a snack... so right now i know it wouldnt work.
  SO i think that was why i dream that bit.
 But then iwoke up and went ot the bathroom, and when i fell asleep again, my dream was even worse.

It was that i was sitting in this room with my supervisor and she had written out a contract and told me thati had to sign it. I read it and it said, I can give you whatever food i like and you have to eat it
                                             You have to drink whatever i give you.
 And there were two more points but i cant remember themnow, i hadnt signed it yet but she put this drink on the table and on the paper(contract) it said that the drink was like frenchsalad dressing adn extra virgin oil and it was like 4,000,000,000 calories. I was jsut like,no, im not signing that. You cant make me. But she was like you need to put on weight, we're going to the cf clinic. And i started crying saying i wouldnt sign the contract or drink that and thenshe went out and showed it to my mum and my ant and they were like, "Oh you shoudl drink that."
  It was absaloutly awful. I hated it!
  So wheniwoke up i was even less inclind to come here to the hospital.

Hmmm... not nice

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