So the girl who came and talked to us, i could really relate to her. That doesnt mean that anything she said sinked in, but still. It was nice ot see someone who had been exactly what i am and come through the other side. But this, well it's really mean and i feel bad for even thinking it, but now, she's not exactly thin. and that scares me, 'cus i dont want to be big, but of course i will be.
But she talked about her time here at Mando and she kind of said at first, she was just trying to get better for everybody else, not for herself, and thats exactly how it was for me in Ireland, i was trying for my mum, for my dad, for my sister, but not for me. but now, now im just so tired of fighting everybody and not listening so now i am like fighting for myself, because i want a life. I dont want to be stuck in hospital any more than necessary.
She also said how she didnt belivee that she had anorexia, i still dont think i have it. But whatever...
Then... let me see... its only been like 45 minutes since she spoke to us, and i cant even remember what she said. :o
She talked about how at first hse cheated, but that never worked because they could tell when she cheated, and she knew herself. I havent cheated since i've been here at Mando, but i did in the hospital in ireland. and i told my mum, that i was fine, that i wasnt puking anymore. even though i did. while i was here in sweden, i got three weeks before i went ot hospital, and i had started puking again. My mum inquired but i told her that i adnt puked since before i went ot hospital in ireland, which is tecnechly incorrect, because i did also puke in the hospital i ireland. :( (Here comet he confessions.)
Here at Mando, they are alot for really gettting us out, and getting us back to normal and back to living our lives. so they do take big steps, as how i get to sleep home on friday, thats a really big step. but they also have this thing where you get this plan for hte week, jsut like, following the eating plan 100%, taking bigger bites, eating within a time limit, (15 minutes for breakfast and snack, 20 -25 minutes for lunch and dinner) and then you tick the box if you have completed those for hte day, and then in a weeks time if you've followed the plan, you get liek a little prize and that can be going out tot he cinema, gettting more time out. Just simple things which when you haev a normal life take for granted, but for us, who are in hospital they are big things, and things that we really work for. So she talked about that nad said how that really worked for her, and i find the same thing that the plan really works, that if you know you have something to work for, soemthing to look forward to, you really do work for it!! So thats somethign that works alot better than in the hospital in Ireland. because in ireland, i didnt even know if i'd get time out during the weekend, but here, even though i ahd lost a slight bit of weight, i ahd eaten everything (which is shocking) hey still let me go out, because they knew that ti wasnt exactly my fault that i lost the weight. I ate everything adn i haven't exactly moved that much, so they let me go out!! So overall it works veyr well here!!
Im planning that once im well, im going to come back and talk to the girls in the same poisition as i had been in. Because it might not sink in for them, they might not even care, but sometime, sometime something i say to them they'll remember and be like, yes, now i knwo what that girl was on about, and it might jsut give those girls a bit of hope to see someone who ahs been in the same place as them and come through the ther side and jsut living their life!! Exactly as this girl did for me!!
I know she wont see this, but i'd liek to thank her for coming and speaking to us.
U-G-L-Y?
Haha!!1 Chin heads!!