Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Im back.... for now!!

Ok, so its been what, nearly two months since i last wrote. I didnt bother reading over what my last post said, i was too eager to start writing again!! :) But basically, i've been in hospital. A rehab/ mental institute, whatveer you want to call it. I dont think it makes much difference.
 Ok, so im gonna try to do a brief summary of what has happened, since i alst wrote.
   So, my first week, well... i cant remember it that well.... it was soo long ago. Apparently i had been doing very well, putting the effort in. Even though it was a big shock!! I went from eating maybe a cereal bar and something small later in hte day, to having to have 3 main meals and 3 snacks. I cant remember what the snacks were, fortisip, i think. Very horrible. But that weekend i got to go out, for my sisters 16th. I had fun at that.
  Then the second week, i suppose went the same, i had time out. Which was very early, or so people told me, but i suppose they were right. But from there.... well it started going downhill, the next few weeks, i lost weight - which i seriously dont get how, a i was eating like 3 times as much as i would have at home and doing far less exercise, and also i was on supplements to get my weight up, but still nada.
  Then they started talking about an NG, which is nastral gastric - something like that - feeding, with the tube down your nose. I told them "no." but that week apparently i went down again, and i was at a "critical state" which i dont believe, i'm perfectly fine, like if they let me i would be out and about, doing my daily stuff, but as im in hospital, i cant. And then they're talking about me as if i cant do that stuff, which i can.
  But let me get back to where i was, the NG feeding, in the end i didnt have a choice in it. I just got shipped down to paediatrics and had a tube shoved down my nose. At that point i was like, i dont give a fuck anyway. I want to die. I wanted pain, and the thing is, i think im immune to pain. Like it felt weird, but not painful and hte needle which they needed to stick into my hand, well...it didnt hurt. I was almost disappointed. I wanted pain. :(
  Ok, let me see... they're also talking about anti-depressants. Sure, im down and feel like shit, and really do feel like killling myself, but what do they expect? They shove food at me from every angle, i have no time to myself, i cant see my friends, my parents cant always make it in, i cant go out to town. Of course i feel like shit. But whatever, my parents are saying no, and it's not like i want more pills and meds. i'm on enough so basically im saying no aswell. But the doctors want me to go on them.

Ok....
  Yah, in my next posts im gonna go over some specifics, try to remember each week, maybe some other details, but not in a long boring thing, or hopefully not a long boring thing!!

X

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