Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, March 21, 2010

Not such a good day.

I have been doing alright, i do admit that and am really proud. Like i have purged each day, but not after every meal. Maybe just once, but i would be able to stop and walk away with a bit of effort.
  But today i was just stuck in my own mind, which is NOT a good thing, because my mind tells me im fat,ugly,stupid,worthless,i need to purge. All these things that i dont want to hear and are all true. I did just get away, and put on some really loud music to drown it out. It did do the trick, but then today after lunch, (a salad.) something inside of me was just like, you haven't purged, and that did it. I just went to the bathroom and purged. Afterwards i realized how stupid i was. I shouldnt listen to the voice inside of me. It tells me things, leads me the wrong way.
  So not feeling very proud at the moment, but i suppose i have go to move on, i have the rest of the day to go on with and then there's always tomorrow to do better!!


Now because my mum wants to get me to eat, she's been cooking dinner for us. She usually doesnt have time to do it and like i said before it would either be me cooking for myself or it would be something really simple, but healthy. Sometimes we would only have salad for dinner. (lunch was always up to me!)
  But now that mum's cooking,cooking she wants me to help, but its horrible. I'm like addicted to counting calories, i cant stop. And i absaloutly HATE using salt,butter,oil any of that type of stuff, like i rarely eat bread. And now ALOT of that is used in the cooking, and it's driving me insane because all i want to do is just purge it, but of course i cant, and i havent really.
  I've tried talking to mum, just telling her that i want to eat healthily, as in, salads, lentil soups, rice, vegetables, stuff like that. Because as long as i get into the eating and not purging, (i dont purge or not really if it's healthy stuff.) but mum say's its a good thing for her to be cooking again and she enjoys it, but she has stopped making me take the extra calorie drinks, which helps, because if i was still taking them i wouldnt be able to stop purging. For now we're just going to sort out my bulimia and hten get focusing on hte weight i've lost, so that sounds good!!

Ok, if you have actually read this far, which im sure many of you haevnt, im sorry for boring you with my life!! Haha!!


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