Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, June 30, 2016

A post including lots of vegan food and products & My day (I.e if you dont care about food or veganism skip this post!)


It's Thursday and what feels like my first free day in a while, even if i was free last Thursday and Friday due to midsummer, it was still sort of stressful days and these past few days have been long. So mentally and physically i needed a day of no plans and to "just be", and that is exactly what i have done today!

A morning with no alarm and a long time for myself with my coffee and breakfast (I got a comment asking about why i dont post any breakfast pictures anymore and that is because i actually eat left over dinner for breakfast XD hahahahha. Nothing special there. Or i eat breakfast at work or after my workout... all depending on how i feel. ) and social media browsing. Then i headed to the gym and did a bit of what i felt like doing before i headed off to a sports store where i bought chocolate flavoured soy protein. Is protein powder necessary? NO. Can you get enough protein on a vegan diet? YES. So why did i buy protein powder? Because it is a good way for me to get in calories i.e mix protein powder with milk = morning snack. Also good to have with me to work, and also easy to drink a shake after a workout as well as eat a banana and some rice cakes. There you have my reasons for buying the powder. And as my chemistry teacher said in university - people are free to spend money on whatever they like even if the products arent necessary (in his case he meant vitamins and minerals which people buy but dont actually need. But the same is with protein powder, some people use it even though they dont need to. But if you like it and you find it helpful in some form then why not, people are free to spend their money as they like).

Then i headed to Goodstore a completely (or almost completely) vegan store, where i was shocked at the amount of products there. However i wasnt tempted to buy any of it - apart from the chocolate, but all the fake meats such as fake duck, fake sandwich topping that tastes like chicken or salami, fake prawns? Whyyy.... I dont want a vegan-chicken-tasting-sandwich topping. I want to move away from the meat and not buy products that look the same and almost taste the same? Of course for some they might like that, but for me i prefer my soy products and tofu products that dont resemble meat!!! hahah.

I had to leave the store with something though, so i bought pastry dough that was half price and some chocolate to reach the minimum card payment XD

And then i continued my store browsing and ended up in a food store and bought oreos and bread as i had some lunch ideas!!

Came home, made myself lunch: Started off with a scoop of chocolate soy protein mixed with oatmilk and topped with mini vegan marshmallows, and then two oreos with chocolate peanut butter - this while i was waiting to make my actual lunch:

Burgers with pulled vego meat and carrot and parsnip strips.

And then i did some baking: Just a little sneak peak:

And then FINALLY it was time for a little spa treatment. First off a shower and washing my hair using Maria Nila products (Got these for christmas from my mum, and was happy to find out that they were not animal tested!). Then i used facial oil, scrub and body oil which my mum has made. They are sooo good, and not to mention vegan friendly i.e no ingredients tested on animals. Apart from one of the products where there is a form of animal oil :(

But otherwise i love the products and feels much better using products where i know what is in them. If you want to know more or order you can email: (hahahah. Feels like i am doing a promo, in a sense i am, but it is also something i use myself and find the products very beneficial!)

And lastly... i am now sitting with plastic bags filled with gel on my feet to get rid of dead skin cells. XD I got sent the package with "Baby foot" a few months ago, but it has taken me this long to actually try it. As i have written before, i dislike feet and so dont really take care of my feet... but i thought, now its time to take care of my feet so trying this product and hopefully they make my feet smooth and smell fresh, hahahah. But i guess i will update in 10-14 days when my feet should be fresh and smooth like baby feet XD XD You can read more about Baby foot HERE if you want to!

So for now i am sitting and feeling all fresh and relaxed! This has been a long post and so many products in this post - i am sorry, the only sponsored product is the baby foot. But otherwise all products i recommend arent sponsored and things i have bought myself and use myself i.e when it comes to food and such as well, its all bought myself, but i leave the brand name in so that others can find the brand if they want to try it :)

And also sorry for all the food in this post XD But i did warn you in the title ;)

Learning self love - my self love journey

Self love wont happen just because you lose weight.

Self love won't happen by comparing yourself or your body to others.

Body love and acceptance wont happen just because you have a six pack or a thigh gap or a flat stomach.

Body confidence won't come just because you weigh a certain number.

Body confidence and self love won't happen by following a restrictive diet or doing hours fo exercise you don't like.

Self love wont come from constantly trying to change your body.

Self love and body acceptance/love comes from the inside and not from constantly trying to change your body. Self love happens when you begin to love yourself - all of you and not just focus on the outside and your appearance. Because you are so much more than that. You are not just your legs or your arms or your stomach or your face, you are YOU. You are your personality, hobbies, interests, your laugh, your smile, the things you enjoy, the things you dislike. And self love comes from embracing all of those and also embracing the less positive sides of yourself - because we all have them in some form or another. And by accepting the "flaws" whether its ones that are physical or ones that are behavioural, you need to accept them.

Such as if you are an introvert but wish you were an extrovert, instead accept who you are instead of wishing to be someone else and instead just try to challenge yourself to be more of an extrovert and do things outside of your comfort zone, but all the time embracing and loving who you are. People are different, both in looks and behaviours and personalities and that is what makes us unique.

You will never look like someone else, doesnt matter if you try to eat the same as them or workout the same as them or live the same way as them, you wont ever look or be the same person as them. Instead you need to find all the positives about yourself and embrace them!!

Whenever i write posts about self love or accepting your body i get comments telling me that, "It's easy for me to love myself when i have the body i have, and when i am tall and blonde or look the way i look.".... that it is easy for me to love myself because i have a certain trend body (??).

But i actually find that a little degrading to say, and i know it sounds silly. But for me self love isnt natural - the natural and easy thing for me is to see all my flaws, for me to bring myself down about my appearance and to dislike what i see. So for me to have come so far in my self love journey that i like WHO I AM 98% of the time is awesome, and also to not care about bloating or weight or any of that. Of course i have had this mindset for several years now, so it isnt something new or revolutionary for me. But just the fact that i have spent the majority of my life hating myself and hating my body and wishing to be someone else, but now reached a stage of loving myself and who i am, including my body at all weights and sizes - and then someone comes and says It's so easy for you to love yourself when you look the way you do. It's like they take away all my hardwork and my self love journey?

If that makes sense.

Reaching my stage of self love has little to do with my body, weight or exercise/food and almost everything to do with my mindset. Changing the way i see myself and think about myself. Learning that it is ok to make mistakes, learning to accept those things in my behaviour or personality which i dont like so much and either trying to change them (i.e actually answer phone calls and not isolate myself - 2 behaviours i dont like about myself and dont want to accept, instead need to work on changing), or accept them. But then also i cant deny that strength training has given me a form of confidence and physical strength which matches my mental strength as well as making me feel like i am good at something as well as it being a huge enjoyment which ADDS to self love - when you feel good at something and do things you love!

Each day think positive things about yourself and your body.

Write down small positive things about yourself on notes and keep them where you can see them.

When you look in the mirror or have negative thoughts, change them... for each negative thought you counteract it with 3 positive ones! 

Stop following accounts that trigger you or make you feel bad about yourself and just follow inspirational accounts.

Do things you enjoy and things you feel good at - which are positive ones!!!

Dont spend so much time infront of the mirror and NO body checking, measuring or weighing.

Stop looking at magazines or shows that trigger you or make you feel like you arent good enough.

Surround yourself with positive people.

Allow yourself to have bad days and know that we all have flaws in some form or another, and that is ok. But dont let those bad days define you.

Accept bloating - it happens to everyone.

No body checking photos.

And finally:

Do things you love and spend little time thinking about your body. The more time you spend living the less time you have for your body and for body checking or comparison!!!

^^ This was one of the most important and helpful things in my self love journey. To actually live life. If i just sat at home eating and resting all day then its like my thoughts automatically went to my body, but when i began school again, began to live life and make friends and find hobbies then my focus was less on my body and more on my goals, dreams and to do list - and of course all the school work i had which took up 90% of my brain capacity!!!

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Learning to say no - and wanting to cry from tiredness

Hello from an extremely tried girl who is ready to just lie in bed and sleep.

Today has been a very long day where time has passed slowly and I've had far too many moments when I have just wanted to cry for no other reason than tiredness. I just wanted to curl into a ball even if I do enjoy my work I know I needed a break yesterday which I didn't take and now I'm paying the price. Feeling dizzy from the tiredness and was close to almost making someone pay for 23675 kiwis today ^-^ hahahha.

Soon i finish work and then it's just home to sleep and I think I'm free tomorrow, though I could have booked work in anyway, I am not so sure, hahah.

But all I can say is "learn to say no" because that is a lesson I definitely need to learn. Pushing last tiredness isn't worth it. I can listen to my body when it comes to exercise and food and sleep but when it comes to school work and work I can't seem to listen to my body .

However with the reminder/comment from Liz I am going to try to drill into my mind that I need to learn to say no -in all areas of my life and not just force myself to do things because I've been asked.

This evening I've both been asked to go out dancing with friends and to go to my boyfriends place and I want to say yes to both, but I know that all I need is to go home and sleep. Not a very exciting life but that's how it is sometimes.

And below is Liz ' comment which was a much needed reminder!

Just a word of advice from someone a bit older and who has done the whole "can't say no to work" thing. Learn how to say no!! Seriously. You WILL burn out, get overwhelmed, and/or resentful if you don't. If you always say yes, they will always ask. It is up to us to manage what we can handle. I used to be so afraid to say no to work, and i'd end up doing way more than i wanted or was comfortable doing. For their part, work will always take advantage if you allow them to. I'm now able to say no, even coming right out and saying "thank you, but I've actually got as much on my plate as I can handle this week". It is very liberating and empowering to learn to stand up for your own needs. It's not being a jerk or a bad employee - it's simply being selfish in a way that allows you to continue working at top form and maintain some sanity. I know it's hard, especially when you're new, but trust me it is so worth it. You won't be fired or thought poorly of. In fact, they will respect you for being honest and assertive, even if they are disappointed or whatever. Always saying yes is NOT sustainable and WILL affect your mental health negatively. The world goes on and work will figure it out, even if you say no :)  "

We grow and change over time (My past posts arent who I am now)

As we grow we also change.

Sometimes i feel like this is accurate, in some sense... hahah. In a year i change alot, i grow and progress. Realise and experience and thoughts and opinions can change.

One thing which i love but also dislike about my blog is all my old posts. I love them because 1) I can look back on them, see what i did a year or few years ago and just remember that time of my life. But also i can look back on those posts and think, wow i have changed from that mindset or those thoughts or that opinion. Or wow, i am so much more educated now and know that what i was doing back then was a mistake - which of course i couldnt have known then, i was doing the best i could out of my knowledge back then. But for me, i like seeing the progress. But it is a double edged knife in a sense, because some people look back on my old posts and think that that is still me now.... that the posts i made from 2012, 2013 or 2014 are still the me now and judge me based on those? I.e i got a comment on a post from 2013 saying "wow you are still so sick and body obsessed", or something in that style. And i was like, you know what... that post isnt exactly the best post and those pictures arent the pictures i am most proud of or would post now, but that was me 3 years ago.  ALOT changes in a year, nonetheless 3 years... so dont judge me based on who i was such a long time ago.

I can look back on those posts and realise how far i have come, while others look back on them and think that that is still who i am.

I am the first to admit that not all posts are ones i am proud of now, not all pictures are ones i am proud that i have posted but in the past it was ok. I was ok with those posts and pictures hence why they were posted, but some pictures i just feel like "Damn, can you try any harder to flex or look skinny? hahahhah." (The answer is no, because i was trying so hard.)

I dont mind people reading my old posts, they are still there for a reason (also because i dont feel like looking through all my 9230 posts i have on my blog and deleting the ones i feel are wrong or just unnecessary as well as pictures). But remember to maybe check the date of the post and remember that when i wrote personal posts that was who i was back then and the posts i make now is who i am now.

Of course in a few years time i will look back on my 2016 posts and see how much i have changed and grown and how different i may feel mentally. I'll most likely be more knowledgable in different areas of my life and realise that things i am doing now werent as great as i thought, but all i can do and know is from my knowledge right now!!!

This post is a bit of a mess but i was looking through some old posts and began thinking about this and smiled because i have grown. .Think how tragic it would be if we stayed in the same mental state, same routines, same thoughts and same everything our whole life?
  Life is about change, growing, experiencing... it is OK to admit you had wrong or did wrong in the past. I am the first to admit i have made a BUNCH of silly mistakes which i wouldnt make now, but back then they didnt seem like mistakes. I have had times i have admited that i was wrong in the past, or said things that was wrong. And also my opinion on veganism has changed, in the past i thought it was restrictive and not something i wanted to do... but look at me now, feeling great with this lifestyle (and that is what i want it to be, a lifestyle not just eating plant based. But of course i dont want to label myself either, i dont like labels.) So my opinion has changed over time and that is ok as well!!! Allow yourself to grow and change and allow yourself to admit you had wrong or to change opinions etc We are not set in stone and our thoughts and opinions arent set in stone, instead we are allowed to change how we think and what we believe in!!!

Anybody can feel good when they have their health, they bills are paid, they have happy relationships.The real challenge of growth, mentally, emotionally and spiritually Comes when you get knocked down - Motivational speech

Anybody can feel good when they have their health, they bills are paid, they have happy relationships
Anybody can be positive then,
Anybody can have a large of vision then
Anybody can have a lot of faith under those kind of circumstances
The real challenge of growth, mentally, emotionally and spiritually
Comes when you get knocked down
It takes courage to act
Part of being hungry when you’ve been defeated
It takes courage….
To start over again
Don’t allow your emotion to control you
We are emotional but we wanna begin to discipline your emotion
If you don’t discipline and contain your emotion, they will use you
You standing up for your dream
You standing up for piece of mind
You standing up for health
Take full responsibility for your life
Accepts where you are and the responsibility that you’re going to take yourself where you want to go
You can decide that I am going to live each day as if it were my last
Live your life with passion
With some drive
Decide that you are going to push yourself
The last chapter to your life has not been written yet
And it doesn’t matter about what happened yesterday
It doesn’t matter about what happened to you, what matter is
What are you going to do about it?

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Positives of the day

Tuesday evening, and a day that hasnt gone according to plan at all.

I longed for a free day with series watching, but my lack of ability to say no lead to work anyway, so my day of much needed rest didnt go as planned. And then also i realised that i dont get my first paycheck until the end of next month i think... which is not so fun as i had been looking forward to getting my paycheck today (hahah) and having money for the month of July XD

But i am going to look past those things and see the positives of the day anyway!!

Getting to eat lunch at home anyway and eat my favourite roast potatoes!

Getting to cuddle Daisy, and finding her lying in the bag of newly washed clothes!

Sunshine even if only for a few moments.

The best gym workout in a while... or well, i say that each time i have a good workout even if i had a great workout the day before hahahah.

Yesterdays dinner of all my favourite foods (after being away from home 12 hours.) - ok this was a positive from yesterday, but anyway!

I now know most of the  common PLU codes (i.e codes for fruits and vegetables and other "loose" items)

Friendly customers :) 

Coming home before 8.30pm XD 

Finally getting to watch my series now at 8pm - and also just realised now that season 7 of PLL was released last week... hahah, completely missed that. Though not sure if i even feel like watching it as i got so irritated over the fact that the show didnt end at season 6... Why drag out on the show so long? XD

And finally... all the vegan chocolate available!! Eating a whole 100g bar for myself now this evening ;););)

(Todays lunch)

(Yesterdays dinner/night snack)

How it actually looks when i take photos of my food XD

If you have any positves of the day, share them in the comments so we can inspire others to think positives and see the positives in each day :)