- Myself - My journey to Health.
- My diets
- Recovery Resources
- Sponser/product Review/Journalist
- Mando. Mando Meter & Wii-base.
- Helping someone with an Eating disorder
- Books for recovery
- Self harming
- Information about anorexia.
- Cystic Fibrosis
- My Bucketlist
- myths and misconceptions of anorexia.
- For Granted.
- Baking Recipes!
Life without Anorexia
There were few people out so it was just me, Daisy and my music. It was so peaceful... my eyes adjusting as it got brighter . Sometimes i just want to pause life when things seem so perfect. Being out in nature, feeling so peaceful and happy. No worries or thoughts.
I really do wish i had more time to go for walks... though this week i do as i have no school on Wednesday or Thursday!!
In life you have to find what you love doing. Find what makes YOU happy. Dont just copy others.
Some might love exercise whilst you hate it. Others might love strength trainng and running while you prefer Zumba or pilates. Some might love nature whilst others hate it.
But dont just copy others... just because 99 other people go for morning walks, that doesnt mean you have to.
If you love what you are doing and love your life, then waking up isnt a burden. Its a chance to live your dreams, chase after your goals. Each morning (85% of the time ;)) i wake up and am just happy to be alive. Happy that today is a new day, that i get a chance to do things i love. See people i love. Eat food i love.
Having balance and living a life you love is priceless... it gives you happiness and peace. You dont feel depressed or feel like you have to escape.
Create a life you dont need a break from!
^^Just some thoughts from this morning :)
Just after finishing breakfast and now its time to get ready for the day!!
I thought her question was something which im sure others could relate to and also i thought my answer was kind of good, so (with her permission - [email has been edited slightly to not give away anything personl]) ive decided to share her question and answer here as well :)
P.S the girl who sent this email has recently been struggling alot and gone through alot so Share all your lovely messages and motivation so that hopefully she -and others - can read them and feel inspired and motivated to not give up!!!
Today i have walked around with a HUGE bloat, infact when i showed my sister she joked and said i looked like i was pregnant... my mum got angry at her for making that comment. But it didnt bother me at all, i know how i looked, but i know that this isnt how i normall look anyway!! Its quite a contrast, haha!
But i wanted to show you that yes... i bloat as well. Many people panic about it, i get it. Its not a nice feeling... but i just put on comfy clothes, kept eating and drinking like normal and hoping that it will pass in a few days. (Though i am suspecting that i might be intolerant to something that i am eating as this has happened before... i think it might be lactose :(:( Ive said about 101 times that im going to stop eating dairy but i just cant seem to give it up :( So i guess i have to take the consequences if im going to eat it.)
This morning i started my day with a workout before school and it felt good to be back at the gym, thats where im in my zone and can focus on other things and just love being there!! If only my time wasnt so limited... then i would have more time to just spend stretching or just being there... I actually do spend time just sitting in my gym and answering emails or eating my post workout snack or even before my workouts i spend time just drinking my amino acids. I like it, its a comfort being there!!
And after that my day passed by quickly, even my maths test. Which i think went ok.... i also got my work for today sent in. And tomorrow it will be even more work due so need to spend some time on those assignments.
When i came home from school i also had a package waiting for me.... the longed for questbars which i won in a competition a few weeks ago!! Its been a hassle trying to get the pacakge as when it was first delivered nobody was home and so the package got sent somewhere else and then having to contact the post office and get it sent out again... Yup a real hassle. If you arent from the U.S and want to order questbars then i reccommend buying from Iherb (P.s use my code: TTQ949 if you are buying from Iherb for the first time for a 10% dicount) as the package usually arrives within a few days - not a few weeks!!! ;)
Excited to try the new protein chips!!
At the moment i have the worst stomch pain - have had it all day infact, so going to eat a really simple dinner or something to get some food into me. Havent been able to eat so much today - i didnt even want a questbar when i first opened the package - Yup, that says alot about my stomach pain.
So hoping that will go over soon... its an uncomfortable feeling when you are hungry but you cant seem to eat at all and your stomach is causing pain :(
She also shares her story which is very inspiring.
If you struggle with bulimia or binge eating then this workbook might help :) (And of course if you have any questions i can try answering - i purged for c.a 4 years, but only had a few months experience of binge eating due to starvation... but i know the feeling of binge eating and i got out of it.)
When im negative and thinking negatively, then negative and bad things happen. But when i think positively then good things happen....
I like to say, You cant just wish for it, you have to work for it.But the truth is, i believe the 2 go hand in hand.Without wishing and knowing what you want.. how are you supposed to work for it? And actually, if you have a wish, a dream, a goal which you want to achieve so badly then you begin working for it.
I always write down my wishes,wants, goals on a piece of paper and then a few months or even years later when i see the paper again i realise that i have achieved some of those goals.
Such as my goals of Running the colourrun, running the midnight race, visiting Disney Paris, visiting NY, being declared healthy, having a balanced healthy life etc etc
They were all wishes of mine which i had had for a very long time.
I believe that what you think is what you manifest. Have you ever noticed that some people who are always negative seem to always have negative things happening to them, making them even more negative = a viscious cycle. Of course, its hard to be positive when lots of bad things are happening. But maybe instead of complaining, thinking about giving up on life because its too tough, instead you stand up tall, think of how you want your life to actually be and you face your problems. You keep wishing and working towards a better life.
This week we are going to think positively and manifest the things we want - might sound silly. But just think of the things you want. (And sure you can think about negative things and think you want to skip meals and so that is what you manifest, but then its still you who has to take the consequences.)
I believe if we change our mind and our thoughts towards positive ones then we will feel better - and be more likely to reach our goals!
Drinking many cups of coffee and tea. But just feeling tired.... I am longing until this evening... i want to make pancakes, drink tea and watch a good movie :) So far no plans for today are made... just sort of letting time pass by. Feeling restless, i prefer when plans are made.. when people can just decide on something and do it. Instead of everyone just sort of wandering/sitting around the house, trying to make a decision. Hence why i have retreated to my room to write out my irritation :) haha. Blogging is good for something :)
All my stress for next week has sort of disappeared, i think its due to mental tiredness. Like i feel like i dont care anymore... either my essays and tests will go super or they dont, but ive studied what i can anyway. Thats all that counts. Its a refreshing feeling to feel this way, to not have a weight on my shoulders. Goes well with my whole Try not to stress or write about stress this week (Which i wrote on Monday) :) Did anyone else join in on that and decide to not stress so much? :)
Ive also found out that i have 2 days off next week, which is really nice. It will give me time to finish a few school assignments :) Which has taken pressure off from this week.
Its now time for another cup of coffee and to go out and socialize - cant just sit in my room and blog ;) Or i can, but its not such a respectful thing to do! haha
Yeah, thats how my thoughts are at the moment.. everything bundled together. I have so many thoughts at once.... I feel like i hav 100 things i want to do.
So many posts i want to write about but once i try pulling at one thread and idea i get 5 other ones as well and suddenly i am writing 5 posts and 3 essays at the same time, never really finishing any of them.
I think im just going to write out all my ideas on a piece of paper and slowly start writing all the posts... trying to formulate my ideas and thoughts into words and sentences :)
And once again, if you have any topic ideas or questions let me know and i can answer them in a post :)
(And also know that at the moment emailing isnt going so well, so if you have any questions you can just comment them here as i might be more likely to answer them in a comment or post here :)) For now anyway :)
Also...If YOU have any advice or your own story which you want to share then please email me (and in the subject let me know that you have advice/a story you want to share), as im sure it would help and motivate others :)
I used to be one of those people. Death wasnt something scary for me... infact it was almost something i longed for at times. However food and becoming fat, that was such a fear of mine that i tried killing myself because of the fear. It was a terror inside of me. It haunted me, was eating me up inside.... the thought of becoming fat.
But what is fat really? We all have it. Fat is not just on the outside... but fat is in our insides as well. Are cells are made up of lipids i.e fat. And there is also visceral fat which is on the inside. And then there is of course the fat which is on the outside of our body. I.e essential fat. If we were meant to be skin and bones then everyone would look like that. But we're not meant to look like that... we NEED fat on our bodies.
It is a way of keeping us warm, but also it protects our insides. You may complain and hate your stomach.... but its just silly because the fat you have on your stomach is protecting your organs. Stop thinking that you want a super flat stomach.... you can never have a super flat stomach. Your have organs inside of you and your stomach bloats, it wont always be super flat. You can look at loads of pictures of people with abs or flat stomachs, but i can guarantee you that they dont always look like that.
And then stomach rolls.... yes, i get them as well. Even if you are super skinny you will still get rolls when you sit because well.if you dont, then i dont really know whats wrong with you. Your stomach is not just a piece of paper... its not just flat/straigh all the time. When you sit or bend over your stomach also needs to 'bend/roll' as your organs are in there.
Why has the word fat become such a scary thing? Something that seems worse than death.
Fat is an adjective... why has it got such a bad reputation. You could say that you are fat to anyone... because well, we all have fat. However fat doesnt just mean fat anymore, now it means something negative. Its an insult. But telling someone they are skinny is a compliment? How does that work....
We all have skin, we all have fat. Thats how the body looks. But when did these words become something good and something bad.
Our feelings, our worth is NOT dependant on our looks. One person isnt better then the other because they weigh less or are thinner.
You need to realise that you are more than your body. But also, that having fat on your body is essential. Its nothing to be scared of.
There are of course people who have too much fat on their body which isnt a healthy thing either... But if you find balance in your life where you dont binge and you dont starve yourself then i am pretty sure you will have a healthy fat procent.
After you recover from your eating disorder and have a healthy weight you will also have a healthy fat procent - no it WONT be too much or too high. You need to get rid of those types of thoughts and not think that skinny is better. Fat on your body is your bdoies way of protecting you and keeping you warm. So why are you complaining.
Also know that when people go on starvation diets or they ruin/slow their metabolism, then the body holds onto fat as that is its way of protecting you.
One of my favourite parts of the morning has to be sitting on my bed, holding my cup of coffee and just looking out the window! It's grey and rainy outside and I'm sitting in my night gown all cosy :)
I love the peacefulness of being able to just drink my warm coffee and think. Not have to rush anywhere or do anything. In 2 hours i have a group assignment which I need to sit and Skype& work on. So until then I'm going to enjoy my coffee, eat breakfast and then if it's stopped raining take a short walk to get some fresh air (fresh air and a walk is the best for concentration - according to me ;) But of course just fresh air on its own and a coffee works as well :)).
Today has been a really good day, though so different from my daily routines!! And food times has just been small things here and there. For me its always super important to have food with me when im out in town, my family dont get as hungry as me. So when we are out in town for hours i can just pull out a bar or fruit or something when i get hungry and not have to worry about going to a cafe or finding a shop because my blood sugar is low. My family dont find it weird either that i carry around bottles of water and juice and snacks ;);)
After my studying session this morning - didnt get so much done - 2,5 hours just wasnt enough. So more time tomorrow! i ate a small, quick lunch and then my sister and I met our dad at the place he is staying. And then we headed into town where we walked for about 1,5 hours and then we somehow wandered into an Irish pub and there was a Chelsea match on (My dad is a HUGE chelsea fan - hence why my middle name is Chelsea ;)) so we sat down there and my dad said we might as well watch the match and that he would order us dinner if we wanted. It was 4.45pm then and i wasnt super hungry but i figured, he's paying and i might as well eat something. So both my sister and I got a salmon,prawn and avocado salad with a sour cream and chive dressing! Super delicious and also filling!!
When the match was done we stepped out into the cold weather once again and walked for about another hour before we took the train home. And stopped into the shop for some snacks :) Going to watch a movie tonight :)
However as my mind is alert ive just finished writing on one of my essays - i feel the stress creeping up as i have quite alot due and just dont have the time necessary to get everything done as i also want to spend time with my dad. However, i dont want to stress about it. Its not worth it....
But now im going to eat my snacks and watch a movie with my family :)
Have a lovely evening everyone :)
Portion sizes can be hard but i wouldnt measure food, because that can make you obsessed about it. Start obsessing about weighing food and counting calories which isnt healthy. A good way to know whether you have eaten enough or not is to ask yourself if you are still hungry... If you still feel a little hungry after a meal then you know you didnt eat enough.
How much you should eat all depends on what your goal is... but i would say for snacks the pictures above are good representations of a normal snack. Though there are so many snack things out there... but ill put it this way... for an afternoon snack its not enough with just a fruit an a biscuit. But instead go for something like a sandwich (with 2 slices of bread or 2 other types of bread) with filling and maybe a fruit. Or yoghurt/oatmeal with fruit and nuts and something on the side etc
And for morning and night snacks things like fruit, yoghurt, nuts, dried fruit, crisp bread, hot chocolate, biscuits etc... combine a few of those things together.
HERE is a post with snack ideas :)
For lunch and dinner,i would go for 40% carbs, 30% protein and 20% veggies and 10% healthy fats.... so think that almost half the plate should be filled with carbs, a third of the plate with protein and whats left should be veggies and some form of healthy fat or a sauce :)
Think like this... take more than what you want to plate. Plate up what you think looks normal, then add a little bit more of everything. And start from there... Though portion sizes vary so much really, somedays you are more hungry, some days less... but its good to follow some standard guide when in recovery :)
HERE is a post about portion sizes, however know that in recovery the portion sizes vary alot... and arent the normal portion sizes for someone who needs to maintain their weight.
If i were to have the perfect day today, it would be to lie in bed, watch series, eat salted nuts and dried fruit, not do much..... That would be the perfect day today.
Though i woke up with lots of energy and as i have decided to not go to the gym this weekend - to save time. Instead i went for a morning walk, a short one to give me energy and get out of the house for a little while.
My walk was then followed by breakfast which was quark mixed with yoghurt, an apple, raspberries and walnuts & crisp bread with spread and chicken :)
Doing some online things before i soon move to the kitchen table and begin my studying for the day! After lunch my sister and I are going to meet our dad and see what he wants to do and take it from there! Dont have much energy to wander around town so im hoping thats not the case today!!¨
I hope you all have a lovely day today and enjoy your weekend :) Dont stress too much (advice to myself) if you are stuyding/working :)
Only really my family know the meaning behind it... but it has so many meanings to it.
It stands for my Cystic Fibrosis. A part of me, something which i can never get rid of. Its not my identity, but its still part of who i am. It reminds me that even if at times i struggle to breathe, if at times it feels like im drowning, not able to get breathe or breathe deep enough. I know that all i can do is try to keep breathing.
It reminds me to not give up on life.... until i stop breathing i will still be alive. No matter how tough life is... no matter how much stress or anxiety i have. As long as i keep breathing i will be ok.
It reminds me of my past, but not in a negative way. But in a positive way. It reminds me that i fought through depressions, fought through an eating disorder, fought through panic, anxiety and guilt. Ive been through so much, so many hopeless times. So many tear filled nights, thoughts of suicide and giving up on life. But i didnt... i kept breathing and that is what i will keep doing. As long as i breathe i will be ok.
It reminds me that everything will be ok, that sometimes all i can literally doing is to keep breathing. To just calm down, not think, not move.... but just stay focused and breathe.
It reminds me of life, of never giving up.
It also reminds me of exercise, of how much i love exercise. Running, moving my body, breathing.
So much meaning behind it, but many think its just some silly quote i have picked. But to me, its a quote about life and death. A quote about my past, about my future and about my present. Its a reminder to myself.
People have different opinions on tattoos and thats ok, i respect everyones opinions. But i dont respect someone who tries to bring me down for my choice of having tattoos (which nobody - apart from my mum - thankfully has done). To me, my two tattoos mean so much to me. And sure maybe i will regret it when im 50, but i like to think.... live with no regrets. I did what i wanted at that time and its a choice i havent regretted since. Its a part of who i am, a part of my history and also a part of future.