Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

Translate

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Update - video (unedited)

Hello,

I apologize so much for my unexplained absence, lack of time and motivation has been the main reason why. But also far too many thoughts, anxities, worries and thinking has left my not knowing what to write.

I decided to instead make a video where it is easier to talk about my thoughts and let that explain things, even if there is alot left unsaid i am still trying to get my thoughts together!

You can find me on www.itsahealthylifestyleorg.wordpress.com however it has nothing to do with eating disorders there. I might still blog on here, i don't know what i want to do.... so just keep an eye out as i haven't decided anything, still very unsure and confused about different things in my life right now!


Thursday, June 22, 2017

Midsummer throughout the years & vegan pancake recipe

Hello and good afternoon :)

Its Thursday afternoon when writing this post, however i have spent the whole day thinking it is Friday, and i have completely lost track of the days and date at the moment.

Tomorrow it is Midsummer and i'll be spending it with my friends and having a Midsummer dinner which will be 90% vegan! I had planned to just make my own food and bring it with me and maybe a vegan dessert for everyone to share, but it turns out that one of my friends who is the host for the evening decided to make 90% of the food vegan and then there will be egg and herring which are 2 typical foods eaten at Midsummer. I still dont know what food will be served, but i am looking forward to it :)

I start off my Friday and Midsummer with a 6 hour workshift from 6am until 12pm and then ill head home, get ready and then into town to meet with a few of my friends before we then travel to our friend who is hosting us for the evening and we'll see where the evening takes us! As tomorrow will be such a long day i am mostly resting up today so that i have energy for tomorrow :)However i did clean the whole apartment just incase we end up being at my place if the weather is bad!

This morning when i was at the gym all i could think about was pancakes, so after my gym session i went to the store and bought the ingredients to make pancakes and they turned out amazing!
-> 3dl flour, 6dl oat milk, 0,5dl aquafaba, 1tsp baking powder, 2tbs melted vegan margarine and sweetner/sugar to taste :) And then fry on medium heat!




I was a little disappointed that i had forgotten to buy vegan whipped cream as that would have gone perfectly with the pancakes :(

The rest of the evening its just rest as im feeling rather tired today!

Are you celebrating Midsummer? (its mostly a nordic tradition!).

Throwback to previous Midsummer pictures!






2010

2010

2011

2011



2012 - the first time i ever got drunk, blacked out and had a hang over the next day


2013

201420152016 - my first vegan midsummer

General questions - answers

Hello,
Could you write about series/movies that you like.

I dont watch series as much as i used to so it feels like i have forgotten most of the series i used to watch/like. But the ones i can remember are Orange is the New black,  Pretty Little Liars (However i havent even watched the newest season as i'm waiting for all the episodes to be released and then watch them all at once), SKAM (the norwegian series),  stranger things, how to get away with murder,  New Girl, The Carrie diaries ... (had to look at what i have saved on Netflix to remember these hahaah).

And i dont watch films unless im with others and forced to watch. Its strange as i can watch 3 series episodes in a row but i cant watch a 90 minute movie, i get far too uninterested and restless. So i cant really remember any films or movies i like or have watched recently. I personally like mental thriller movies which usually isnt appreciated when watching movies with others hahah.


If you could "step into" the pages/story of a book, (or a film if you don`t read books) which one would you choose? Have you ever enjoyed a book/watched a film so much that you didn't want it to end? Which book/film has had the biggest impact on you?


It's been years since i read a book so i dont think i can answer this question so well. I have been planning on reading this summer and ive even gotten a library card so i can loan books, hahah. But ive started listening to alot of podcasts so prefer that at the moment but also when i went to loan a book i had no idea which book to loan so ended up just leaving empty handed. So if anyone has any recommendations on thriller or fantasty or real life (but not biography!) books it's just to comment below! I definitely need to read more for the sake of my grammar and spelling!

I loved the Twilight series and i think i read all of the books 7 times each (don judge!) and i loved The Host which i read about 4 times. However i disliked all of the movie versions.

When i was a child i used to read all the time, i spent alot of time at home sick so reading was perfect and i could finish a 600-700page book in 48 hours. And would read 2-3 books per week. It got to the stage where my family didnt even know which books to buy me as i had already read so many books... and i had a Kindle so i could just buy books online. Otherwise i love Jodi Picoult books and i have read all of her books up until 2011/2012, and i havent gotten around to reading her books after that, so maybe i will loan one of those books!

I cant remember that a film or book has had a huge impact on me so i will skip that question :) And i know i have had a few books which i havent wanted to end, but i cant remember which they were at the moment as it was so many years ago since i read them and read so many books back then.


How often do you dye/colour your hair and how do you stop it from becoming brittle/drying out?

I havent dyed my hair since September/october2016 i think, and before that it had gone several months since dying my hair.  I stopped dying my hair mostly because i couldnt do it myself, didnt want to pay for a proffessional to do it and three, the hair dye i used wasnt vegan or cruelty free and i didnt feel like experimenting trying to find a new vegan hair colour so just stopped colouring/bleaching my hair. I am so happy i made that decision, it was mostly an unconscious one from just not caring and not wanting to use non vegan hair colour. My hair is in so much better condition now, its not as dry and doesnt fall out or tangle as much as well as it feeling more thick and fuller :) 


Also i used the brand Maria Nila for my hair and i find that it works wonders for my hair and keeps it silky and smooth :)

I would not recommend using strong bleach or hair colours, it dries out your hair, makes it brittle and is just a pain. However toning your hair doesnt damage it as much, so if you still want to colour it, go for toning instead :)



How my hair looked when i had coloured it


How my hair looks now....
I couldnt find any selfies without filters on them hahahha



The colour i wish my hair was i.e silver/grey, but that would require going to a proffessional every 4-6 weeks.

Do you belong to any sports clubs like running or workout classes? Is this something that you would like to do to be social or do you prefer to exercise/workout on your own?
No i dont belong to any sports clubs. Ive never been one to workout with others, i prefer working out on my own. When i lived in Stockholm i went to the gym with my sister sometimes however we always did our own thing, it was just that we had company on the walk to the gym and in the changing room and such.
I would like to do crossfit again which is a sort of "club" and you workout together with others and can be social. But i do like just having the gym time as time for myself and not be social. However when im out walking i often call my family as then i like to just walk and talk with them!

I would like to join a club just so that i can meet others with the same interest as me and who knows, maybe a potential partner who also likes working out. As i would like my future partner to atleast have some form of interest in working out and maybe even go to the gym together, and its not so socially accepted to just go up to someone at the gym and try to flirt. Of course if i had the confidence i could go up and just ask if they wanted to workout together sometime or something similar as we have the same interest if we're both at the gym haha.

But working out is my "me time" so i prefer to be on my own, also if i had to talk a bunch during my workout it wouldnt be as effective and would take more time. I prefer to be in and out of the gym within 60 minutes XD


Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Summer days - 2017

Each summer i am always baffeled by how happy the sun and warm weather makes me. Each year i notice just how much my mood and even energy levels are affected by the weather, and its not always so controllable. If it rains and is bad weather i'll feel more tired, sluggish, unmotivated and just less energetic but once its good weather i am the exact opposite and it is like my energy never stops!

My top 5 things about summer are:

Walking outside in shorts and a tank top, or being able to walk to and from the gym in my shorts and gym gear!!!

Watermelon and fresh strawberries!!! Nothing beats these two fruits/berries!!

Lying out in the sun - i love it! In the past i used to hate sunbathing as i was far too restless - and still am in some sense. But also i felt uncomfortable lying somewhere if it was sort of public as well as didnt like lying out in the sun on my own. This year however i am not as restless and have found a grass section which isnt so public where i can lie and sunbathe when i have the time for it!

The bright and warm evenings and being able to sit outside in the evening with friends and not get cold!!

The freedom of summer. Sure there is work and other responsibilities but the days are longer and brighter and feels like i have time for more things when i just work. I love studying but it can definitely feel like more than 100% and more like 2 jobs at times haha.


And there are so many more positive things about summer that the list would never end!! But for now i am just enjoying it as much as i can!

How am i spending my days?

Working when there is work available..... this month there isnt so much work which is a little worrying but not so much i can do about it.

Sunbathing when the sun is out!

Listening to ALOT of podcasts.... i think one day i listened to 6 podcasts which is more than 6 hours. hahah. But its different documentaries so i am learning alot about different events and happenings in the world which i never knew details or the backstory of.

Cooking and baking when i have the time for it. Of course when its warm weather its not as appetizing to eat warm food, but i still love my lentil soup and cooked potatoes. However ive now started to cook my food and let it cool down completely so when i eat it it is cold!

Working out when i feel like it. Somedays the gym, somedays walking. But like i mentioned in my previous post, trying to focus on all round fitness and not just do the same thing over and over!






At the moment i am not spending alot of time infront of the computer or even at home which you may have noticed. Trying to make time for blogging but somedays i leave the house at 9am or earlier and dont get home until 8pm or much later like 10 or 11pm. But trying to make one post a day at least :) And still getting around to trying to answer the questions, i havent forgotten them :)



How are you spending your summer? What are your favourite things about summer? And if its winter in your country, how are you spending your winter/autumn? :)

Some recent eats:








You can't live a full life on an empty stomach

Yesterday evening i began thinking about how thankful i am that i am recovered and how different my life would be if i was still sick.

I know that if i was still struggling with an eating disorder my life would look very different, i dont know whether i would be studying or whether i would have been allowed to move away from home or even if i was allowed to work.

Sometimes i find it so strange to think back to my behaviour and thoughts when i was sick... how extremely scared i was of food and weight gain. I had so many restrictions and fears that held me back in life.... hated myself, hated life and hated everything, i was so negative back then. But thinking back to how i was when i was alone when i was sick vs how i am alone now, i am a whole different person. It doesnt even feel like it was me who was sick for those 5 years and did all the things i did and was so scared of eating.
I remember i would stand and watch my mum cook and panic when she began to add oil or butter to her food, and now i use oil and margarine without even thinking about it... it enhances taste when cooking and thats delicious!
But also all the different ways i had to minimize the amount of food i actually put inside of me, the different tricks and cheats and all the lies i would tell just to get away with not eating. It's crazy, one of our most basic needs - food - and it was one of my biggest fears.

From my own personal experience what i can say is that you can't live a full life on an empty stomach. I know some people feel more energetic when they don't eat and some are "functional sufferers" and think that they are healthy and fine. But once you fully recover and begin eating properly you wil, notice  a huge difference in energy, mindset and just motivation for life.

If you arent fueling yourself properly how do you expect to have the energy to live life? How do you expect to have the energy to take care of yourself, to do the basic daily routines, to go to work or school or to meet friends or do your hobbies?

Even now, on the days i dont eat enough i will feel exhausted and being social is the last thing i want to do and working or working out is far from my mind. But 98% of the time when i eat properly and enough calories i have energy for all the things i want to do in my life....  Of course resting and having alone time is also important but with the right fuel it means you have the energy to do all the things you want.

I often get asked how i have the energy to do all the things i do in my life and my answer is food. I eat enough. If i dont eat enough i dont do as much as i dont have the energy for it.

Dont be scared to eat. Dont be scared of food. It gives you the energy you need so that you can live the life you want and have the energy to reach your goals and to the things you want :)

Food is fuel!

Image result for you cant expect to live a full life on an empty stomach

Monday, June 19, 2017

You are more than your body - it is easier to love yourself when you take care of yourself

Loving your body, it is easier said than done. Its a process that takes time and some days it is easier, some days it is harder, but in the end it is worth it.

To be able to accept your body, feel ok in your body, feel confident in your body, but most of all not hate your body or yourself. Somedays you might not feel confident, somedays you might not feel amazing, but you atleast accept yourself and know you are ok. You dont want to harm or hurt yourself and you dont tear yourself apart just because you might not feel amazing, instead you just acccept those bad days. You accept your "flaws" and know that they arent flaws, they are just a part of you.

Scars, cellulite, stretch marks, birth marks... they are nothing you need to hide or be ashamed about.  You might see photos of people online and think they have no sort of marks or stomach rolls or stretch marks or cellulite, but aot can be done with photoshop or just good lighting and angles.

My best advice when it comes to loving yourself is to 1) make it a habit that everyday you say something nice about yourself, say positive things about yourself and your body.

2) you challenge and change the negative thoughts. If you begin to compare yourself or begin to bring yourself down, then change those thoughts... instead of thinking i hate my legs, be thankful that you even have legs and can walk and move. If you begin to hate your stomach then be thankful that your organs are safe and protected inside of your abdomen and the fat keeps them protected. If you begin to hate the fat on your body, be thankful that it keeps you warm and protected. If you begin to hate your scars or stretch marks or cellulite remember that they are just part of a human body, scars are a sign that you have lived or been through tough times and still survived, stretch marks are just a sign that you have grown but your skin hasnt grown as fast and cellulite is just the way the body stores fat, its normal!!

And third, maybe the most important is to take care of your body. From personal experience, it is much easier to love a body that you take care of. If you always think negative thoughts and dont take care of your body i.e eat the wrong foods, dont take the medication you may need, dont drink enough water, dont move your body... you begin to feel slugish, slow, unmotivated, tired, heavy and just dont feel well in your body. Taking care of your body means moving your body, but also giving it the rest it needs, eating the right food for YOUR body, drinking enough water, getting the right vitamins and minerals. Maybe using creams and lotions and products so that your hair, skin, nails all feel healthy (though diet is key for that!). All of those things can help to love your body.

When you take care of your body you feel better and are more motivated to keep yourself healthy and easier to love yourself. And even if it doesnt make you love yourself 100% it sure doesnt hurt or harm to do the things mentioned above!!

So..... think positive thoughts, be kind to yourself, DONT compare yourself, take care of your body.

You dont need visible abs or a low body fat percent, you dont need a thigh gap or visible bones, you dont need to look a certain way to love yourself.... its all about changing your thoughts and mindset and being kind to yourself! Self love comes from the inside, and no amount of changing your body will make you love yourself if the problem is inside your head!!!