Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Work study snacks

I was asked to write about some work or study snacks you can have with you for energy!
Energy bars/balls - home made ones made from nuts and dried fruit and chocolate for extra luxury! There are lots of good recipes!
Granola bars or flapjacks.
Chia pudding with granola - but a little carry pot and if your school or work has a fridge you can put it in!
Nuts and seeds - If allowed.
Fruit and/or dried  fruit.
Rice cakes with jam/butter/hummus/avocado/PB If allowed
Mini rice cakes/rice cakes with chocolate coating
Dates filled with peanut butter (and can cover them in chocolate if you like!)
Oatmeal muffins - lots of different flavours. Carrot, berry, chocolate etc
Banana pancakes
Home made cereal bars
Home made granola/granola clusters
Small yoghurt pots
And don't forget that things such as egg (if not vegan), tofu, potatoes etc can be eaten as snacks as well. Somedays for work I just eat a second smaller lunch as my snack depending on how long I have to eat.
But usually fruit, dried fruit, bread and rice cakes are my standard work snacks and somedays nuts such as almonds and walnuts which are ok in school.
If you have any more suggestions comment below!

Monday, May 22, 2017

21 but feeling 80

Hello and good afternoon:)

Wishing I could feel more positive and energetic but at the moment I am in alot of pain due to my hip. If you've followed my blog for a while you will know that I have hip pain from time to time and it's both genetic (my mum is now considering getting a hip operation as her pain has gotten so bad) and due to my years of over exercising.  Last year in January I ended up getting a hip inflammation which was so bad that I couldn't walk, put on clothes or sit in my lectures. I felt completely incapable of doing anything... lying, sitting, standing.... it all hurt so bad. However with a few days of rest, doing some movement and short walks i.e being completely still makes it worse, and lots of anti inflammatory pain killers the pain went away and I'm hoping it will do the same thing this time.

This morning I was at the gym and after warming up and doing my first exercise I felt this "pang " in my hip and I knew exactly what it was.... the tears were about to roll down and I could barely bend over to pick up my shoes and trying to change clothes felt like an impossible mission. And the 2 minute walk to school which took 5 minutes left me almost shaking from the pain. And then it was just to sit through my 2 hour lecture before I could go home again.

I'm in so much pain and it sucks.... trying to find a comfy position to lie down or sit down is impossible. And all I've done since I got home is eat, take pain killers and sleep basically 6 hours as there isn't much I can do.

I'm so glad I haven't been called into work as I am pretty sure I will have to cancel work this week if the pain continues. However I hope that with rest, trying to do some movement and rehab exercise as well as anti inflammatory medication the pain and inflammation will pass. And if it doesn't I'll have to go to a doctor and also I really need to invest in insoles for my shoes. When I was younger I had ones specifically made for my feet but then my feet grew and I never got ones personally made for my feet instead just bought standard ones found in the stores. But now I think it's time to make that investment again because I need the extra support for my feet, knees and hips and without the extra support it adds alot of pressure and stress  which then causes pain like this to flare up.

Hopefully the pain will pass soon, I really hope so because at the moment I feel pretty incapable of doing anything.  I need to go to the store to buy food but that's not going to happen and work will have to be cancelled until I can actually stand without pain :( all I can say is.... don't take your body or health for granted!!!! Take care of your body. I've  neglected the fact that I need extra support for my feet and I know that's one of the contributing factors but also I know it's something genetic which I don't have control over :( oh welll.... no more negativity. Trying to think positive!!!

Eating enough food when working

When it comes to working and studying it is so so important to remember to eat enough. Even if you are just sitting at a desk studying all day that still requires alot of thinking and alot of energy and you need to fuel yourself for that. I know its easy to think i am just sitting all day i dont need to eat alot but that is not the case. Of course, you may not require the same amount of energy as someone who has a very active job and is constantly moving (and if you have one of those active jobs its even more important to eat lots to fuel yourself for that activity!!), but you still need to eat enough. And with the right food choices you will have the energy for your work.

In my own work i notice that after 2-3 hours my energy goes down completely, its hard to smile and be energetic towards the customers. Or stacking the items in the aisles begins to feel tiring and alot more work than it actually is. But usually after 2-3 hours you get a short break, and then i make sure to fuel myself lots and then i get back to work and feel so much better. Have energy again and working feels easy and painfree once again, all because i ate and gave myself more energy. And the same goes for studying..... when studying begins to feel tiring and the words dont sink in or i just stare at the screen and cant really concentrate, all it takes (usually, not always) is some food and then i feel more energetic and ready to concentrate again.

Food is so important. Food is fuel and it is not enough to just drink some coffee and think "ill eat later" or "i ate 2 hours again, i shouldnt eat again". If your energy levels drop you should eat something. I get so many messages about people who work or study and say they feel tired or dont want to eat alot because they just sit all day or just drink coffee on their breaks and it makes me so sad to hear. Your body needs fuel... how do you expect yourself to have energy and work energetically and efficiently if your body and brain dont have the fuel they need?

My own thoughts are that i would rather eat something than nothing at all when working or studying. For example if i have a 15 minute break and dont have time to buy something and i dont have anything with me, ill eat some fruit and white bread that is often available in the kitchen. I dont usually have white bread at home - not that there is anything wrong with it, but when i buy bread i buy whole grain - but times when i need energy then i much rather eat white bread than nothing. I know many dont feel the same way, they'd rather skip meals than have to eat something they deem as unhealthy.

If you are someone who doesnt eat alot when studying or working, and often feels tired or eats lots when they come home... try eating more during your study/work hours. TRY IT and see.... give it 3-4 weeks and see how you feel. To all of those who I have given this advice to, they all end up writing to me and saying that they feel so much better since they have overcome their fear and began to eat more during their studies or during their workshift.

I've been there before... not eating enough, feeling tired and drinking so much caffeine. But once you begin to eat more and begin to get real energy you notice a difference and suddenly you wonder why you didnt eat enough or thought that just caffeine would work when that clearly wasnt the case.

Food is fuel, never forget that!!! Of course its all about the balance, choose the right food. I.e if you just rely on chocolate bars and chocolate muffins to give you energy then maybe that wont have the best effect but if you choose wholesome foods they will fill you up and give you long term energy!

What is heath/healthy?

What is health/healthy?

It is so much more than a body size, weight or fat percent. Of course those are a part of being healthy, that an extreme overweight or underweight is medically not seen as healthy even if the person can subjectively feel healthy. Health can be seen from an objective and medical view or a personal and subjective view where health is more about a feeling rather than a medical status with symptoms and tests.

For me, health is both....  i have an illness which will always make me "sick" from a certain point of view, but in my own personal standard I am as healthy as i can be. Health can vary and is not the same for everyone.... for example if you have an illness your health can be the best its ever been according to you, but "health wise" still a lot worse than someone else without the illness - if this makes sense.
Image result for what is healthy

Health is about a feeling to me. Its hard to explain what healthy feels like.... you need to have experienced the opposite to know what it feels like. But for me its about having energy, being alive, feeling happy, being capable. Not feeling sluggish or heavy or weighed down... instead just an energetic feeling and also a pain free feeling in the body. Sure there are days where i am slow and sluggish but for the majority of the time i have plenty of energy and feel positive and good!

Usually symptoms like relying heavily on caffeine, being extra tired, lots of aches, headaches, stomach pain and/or cramps, muscle cramps, brain fog etc are all symptoms that something isnt right. Those for me are signs that something in my daily life needs to change. For me personally, the more caffeine i drink the more tired i get and that is not healthy in my opinion and know that needs to change.

When it comes to exercise and food the healthy amount is different for everyone as well. There are recommendations and guidelines, but what actually works can differ from person to person and even differ from year to year for that individual. I.e how i ate and how i worked out 1, 2, 3 years ago differs from now, but that doesnt mean i was less healthy or more healthy back then.... it was just a different time in my life with different routines and what i did back then worked for me.But like i said, it varies and life changes and the healthy amount of food and exercise can change.

Health is about a feeling as well as medical symptoms, it is about your lifestyle, your thoughts, your behaviours, what you eat and how you exercise. Health is so much more than whether you weigh X or Y kilo or whether you have X or Y body fat percent.

Sometimes you might not even realise you are unhealthy or have unhealthy habits until you have changed them. For example that constant tiredness you feel and you think "thats just how i am... im just not a morning person"... its not until you finally have energy and feel energetic because you changed something in your diet or lifestyle, that you realise that the tiredness wasnt healthy or normal. So sometimes you dont even realise that the constant headache or stomach cramps arent normal until they are gone!

This summer, dont focus so much on your body or having a body shape, but focus on being healthy overall. On being happy and healthy and being capable of living life. Change habits or routines if necessary, analyze your own behaviour or see if something needs to change and focus on the feeling of health and not so much appearance!!! When you feel healthy you will look healthy and so much better regardless!

Friday, May 19, 2017

How to stay motivated when you are depressed

hey izzy, this is a great post, and i'm afraid i'm in need of some help.
lately my depression has been progressively getting worse, and i have no energy (cant even brush my hair in the morning from tiredness) or motivation to do things. life just seems to be pointless and i'm tired of it all. is there any tips youd recommend to make myself get more motivation?

When you are depressed its easy for life to feel to overwhelming, you have no motivation to get up in the morning. All you want to do is sleep, stay in bed all day. And maybe for a day or two that is exactly what you need, but in the end you cant sleep away your life and hiding under the duvet wont make your problems go away. Especially  not when they are in your head.

  The most important thing is that everyday you GET up and leave bed and preferably do something... not just go lie on the coach.

 But instead decide that every morning you are going to wake up preferably between 8-10am (depending on if you are at work or school). And you are going to drink a glass of water... you are also going to try take a shower if you have time. Focus on those 2 things and also getting some breakfast into you. Those 3 things can be your main focus everyday for a week. Just getting out of bed and getting dressed. The next week focus on getting some sunshine.Getting out of the house or calling a friend/family. Drink plenty of water as well. Focus on those things as well as the others. Then slowly add in other things like going to the shop, meeting a friend, starting a new hobby, getting 7-9 hours sleep each night. Making a delicious meal for yourself.

When you are depressed PLEASE talk to somebody, Dont suffer in silence and alone, reach out for help. Try not to be alone too much either and staying in bed and isolating yourself wont help either.

Eat NUTRITIOUS food, when you are depressed it can be easy to reach for the chocolate and crisps, and in moderation thats fine. Or it can be easy to forget to eat or not want to eat but that wont help you at all, you will have less energy and may even end up lacking certain vitamins or minerals if that continues for a long time. When you suffer from something like depression eating food like oatmeal, dark cacao/chocolate, walnuts, avocado, salmon, nuts are all good to eat. (Foods with serotonin are important as there is usually less serotonin in the brain/body when you are depressed. And also make sure to get enough vitamins and minerals. I would highly suggest getting your blood checked to see if maybe you need extra supplements of something)
Image result for foods with serotonin

Also drinking lots of water.

When you feel you have energy for it, also try to make a vision board or a mindmap of what you want to do with your life. Things you enjoy doing, things you want to do, things that make you feel happy.

Also try exercising, this can REALLY help. I know from experience and also getting D vitamin. So if you are able to go for a 20 minute walk when the sun is out, (or if its in winter - go when its daylight), then you get both D vitamin and exercise which should help. Find good music  you can listen to and find podcasts. Listening to podcasts or radios can make you feel less lonely and can lighten your mood.

Also try do something you enjoy... maybe bake/write/dance/sing/workout/go for coffee/do yoga etc etc do old hobbies which you liked before. Dont just say no and that it wont make you feel better, instead give it a try.

Try to find your happiness, because happiness wont just come like a miracle, its something you have to find and create for yourself!

Also if you can try to eliminate stress in your life... take a break from school or work. This can have the opposite effect though as it makes you feel more lonely and de motivatedc and you never leave your bed. But if the stress is making you feel bad and you feel bad because you cant study or get your work done, that wont help you either. So make a decision that will help YOU.

Either print/get someone to make them for you/or make thems yourself - small sticky notes/notes which you can place on doors, on mirrors and around the house to help make you feel and think more positive.

Meditation and yoga are also very helpful!!

Make a list of 3 things you are going to achieve each day, even if its just to brush your hair, make yourself a cup of tea and to draw  a picture of a flower or a sun. Those 3 things are big things and achievements when you are depressed. And later on your goals can be to leave the house, go for coffee/tea and to make sure to smile 3 times in a day. etc

But most important ASK FOR HELP. Talking to someone, having someone show that they care and listen to you is helpful!!!

First barbeque/grill of the season - vegan style

Thursday.... a day that felt maximized of all hours and felt very much in the present and enjoying present life.

Thursday morning i ended up oversleeping and missing my lecture which was rather disappointing as it was about eating disorders and even if i dont need to learn about eating disorders, i wanted to hear how the teacher spoke about. I wanted to know what information she would say and how she would teach about eating disorders. We only doing an overview of that topic, as the subject of eating disorders could take years to study and i think later on in the course we might go through nutrition for people with eating disorders but we are studying about nutrition for people who are underweight/hard to eat or people with cancer, overweight, diabetes, highbloodpressure, high cholesterol etc

As i missed my lecture i decided to first head to the gym and then sit and study on my own in school. I wasnt sure whether i wanted to sit outside in the sun or inside in the library, or just go home and sit on the balcony to study, but i knew i needed to get my work done and if i were to sit in the sun i would get distracted and tired. So instead i sat inside, in the cold and got through all my work before i could finally leave the building and enjoy the sun.

Later when my roomie came home from school we began talking about how its the perfect weather to have a barbeque.... and thats exactly what we did! Went to the store for the ingredients, prepared the food in marinade, cooked potatoes, made sauce etc and then we made our way up to a hill/mountain and began to put the small "one time" grill on fire and once that was done it was just to grill the food! By the time we got to the mountain it had begun to get cold and the wind was blowing like crazy, but it was nice nonetheless.... however by the time we actuall ate, 90 minutes after getting to the mountain it was getting alot colder so it was just to eat quick and leave, haha. But it was a really nice time and super cosy anyway, not to mention nice to spend time with my room mates and of course a fully vegan barbeque!!

It was nice to just have a free day and to get my work done not to mention get time to spend in the sun and be social as well! A much needed free day before its full focus on school work and work again :)

Have you had a barbeque for the summer season (if its summer in your country) yet? :)