Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Starting the weekend in the best way

Good Morning :)
  I am going to mention right away that If you are triggered by food posts/pictures, then skip this post as there are food pictures :)


Yesterday evening i had invited A over for dinnner so that we could spend some time togehter as well as it being nice to eat with others. Food is a social thing, and it's nice to cook food for others and enjoy a nice meal together with others. Most weekdays i eat dinner alone as the whole family have different schedules so then it's nice to eat dinner together with someone during the weekend anyway!

I decided to go for a simple, but delicious meal of sweet potatoe fries, fries, baked chicken, salad and 2 sauces (one cottage cheese with seasoning and one creme fraiche with sundried tomatoes - which was SOOO good. I had never tried it before, but i think its my new favourite). I also realised how... i really cant cook small, its like i do a whole weeks cooking (joke, the food will only last until tomorrow!) at once. But better to have too much food than too little, or thats what i think anyway :)







Then the evning was spent just talking and such before going to bed very late and waking up way too early.
  However its Saturday today so i am happy and what better way to start my day than with a delicious breakfast of greek yoghurt, raspberries, cashew nuts & 2 crisp bread with 1 whole avocado and some BCAA!  Now it's time for a morning workout before the rest of the day will be spent with my head in my books - not excited at all.



Not feeling super creative or inspired to write today - so i am sorry for the boring post, but it felt like i had to try to drag the words out of my mind, but i will try answer the questions today :)

Quality time with my mum

Its finally the weekend  - Yayy! Anyone else love Friday evenings? I am guessing if you work during the weekends it might not be the same feeling, but for now i am going to thoroughly enjoy my Friday evenings :)

Its only 5pm here in Sweden - so i have the rest of the evening to look forward to, but so far it has been an awesome day :)
   First a super duper awesome workout, it was a short one as it was before school meaning that i dont have so much time, but it's my favourite way to start my day and to give me lots of energy. I also got some nice compliments while working out which added to my increase in happy and energetic feelings! Then class followed by rushing home, drinking coffee, straightening my hair, repacking my bag and then we drove to the hospital where i did allergy tests and like suspected i was negative to all of the ones tested which is nice to know i guess. Then we sat and ate lunch in a hospital cafe - a place where i have sat many times either as an escape from Mando (as Mando is by the main hospital) or during all my stays and visits in the hospital during summer holidays in Sweden (yup.. couldnt escape the hospital even on summer holidays, due to my CF) . Then we headed to the police station where i took my passport photo (which looked awful.... how do people even look good in passport photos? When i saw the photo i burst into laughter and thought... do i really have to have this picture for the next 10 years or so?) Then while i was there i decided i might as well make an ID card as well, so then another picture was taken where, once again it looked like a mug shot and it didnt look like me at all. However i now got a phone call saying that something went wrong so i have to go back there to take a new photo.... Rejoicing because my ID photo looked so awful!!! Hopefully the new one will look better!






There was then some time left over before i had to go back to school so we drove to a cosy little cafe i have been to several times and we ordered a carrot cake and apple pie to share between us, and all i can say is Delicious. Carrot cake has to be one of my favourite cakes.... you would think i love chocolate cake, but actually i dont. Carrot cake is in my top 3 favourite cakes :)











Then back to school for my final lesson before home time and now im waiting for A to finish work so he will come here and i am going to make dinner for us..... :) A perfect way to end a really nice day!

It felt nice to spend some time with my mum as now a days i dont see her so often or spend any time with her. She works evenings and i come home so late most days as well as being away during the weekends so i rarely see or speak to her, or that's what it feels like anyway. So we both agreed it was nice to eat lunch together and take some coffee and cake as well as lots of time to talk in the car :) You cant forget to show love and appreciation to those around you. To take time to spend with friends and family!!! Not all parents or friends are supportive or loving, but those who are - show them your love and appreciation, let them know that you are thankful and care about them!!

So send a message or text or call someone who means something to you and let them know :)

Friday Finds

Cuteness:


Motivation:




Wanting:

This morning’s black and white essentials
IG sam_ontherun

^^Want this water bottle!!


Thinking:




Craving:

Spring feelings - my number one summer necessity

When it comes to spring and summer one of the necessities i always have with me is sunglasses. Throughout the years i have always managed to break or lose my sunglasses, however i have one pair which have lasted but i felt that it was time for an upgrade.

I bought a pair of sunglasses from GlassesShop.com who make cheap glasses  and eye glasses. Buying sunglasses online  is not always an easy task considering i have had aviators for most of my life, but i decided to try a new pair which i am pretty satisfied with!
Kama Wayfarer - Black Sunglasses

Kama Wayfarer - Black Sunglasses

A pair of Kama Wayfarer polarized sunglasses



P.s you can get 20% off glasses with the code IsabelleX20 if you order at GlassesShop.com
(They are already cheap glasses, so why not buy them for even cheaper :) )

They turn the world a little extra shade of blue which is actually really pretty to see, the blue sky looks a lot bluer and prettier! As the sunglasses are so black you dont see my eyes, which i love because then i can look anywhere or at anyone and they won't know ;) hahaha

Do you have any number one summer necessities?


*In co operation with GlassesShop.com*

Busy Friday

Good Morning Friday!

It is one of those rainy days where you would like to spend the day curled up in a ball, drinking tea and listening to the rain falling outside. But instead, i have got many other plans for this day! First off it's a morning workout, which will hopefully go awesome, i have lots of energy and ready to go, then it's my first lesson - maths before i then either head home where my mum will drive me to the hospital, or i go directly there (It takes roughly 50 minutes with public transport :( ). Today i am going to do allergy tests, not sure which allergies they are going to test for, but i get the feeling that i am going to be negative on most of them.... i mean i would have noticed if i was allergic or not? But who knows, maybe i do have some weird allergy which it will be good to find out :) Then it will hopefully be lunch time before i go get my passport done - hopefully. This time i have my mum with me who can verify that I am me :) Hahah, it felt pretty awful when i went there last time and was told that i couldnt take a new passport photo because there was no way of verifying that it was me...  So better luck this time i am hoping anyway :)
Then it is back to school for my last lesson as i need to be there for that (it feels so strange to just be there for my first and last lesson, but i have told my friends why so that they dont get super confused!).

Then it will finally be home again where i need to clean my room among other things. And i am going to see if i meet A today or if he comes over for dinner, as i havent seen him all week due to studying... and this weekend i need to do lots of studying as well so not sure where i will be, but i think i am going to spend the whole Saturday studying so that on Sunday i can have my day free!!

There you have a look into my days schedule and plans - alot of travelling back and forth and having to be at lots of different places!! That's life though, i like when i have lots of things to do... as long as its not a stressful amount of things i have to do in one day, but when everything sort of fits perfectly into your time table, then it's nice to have things to do :)

I hope you all have a lovely and positive Friday!






Positive and energy filled day

Despite today being a very long day and being away from the house for 12 hours, today has been a positive and energy filled day! For some reason i have been filled with energy all day and it has felt so good, to not even feel tired after my test. Definitely a nice feeling :)

Despite having thoughts of I want to go home, i dont want to write this essay, can i just skip the essay? i went into the exam room and thought... all i can do is my best. I wasnt feeling confident or prepared but i sat and wrote something anyway, and that is better than nothing. I tried my best at that very moment in time and that is what matters. Now the test is over and it's just to move on with my life, which is exactly what i am doing :)

A strange thing happened today in school.... There was an experiment going on in one area of the lunch room where the creators of the Mando Meter and some staff from Mando (who i recognized and even my dietician) where there and they were filming some students while they ate on a Mando meter. All my friends were wondering what it was, what was going on... and secretly i knew what they were doing, sort of anyway. I dont know the full research, but i know what the Mando Meter is, i know how its used and i am pretty sure i know why they were testing it and filming the students. It lead to some weird feelings as well as i saw my dietician people i knew from Mando. I wanted to go up to her, because even though i hated my dietician while i was at Mando she is a really nice person and i did get to like her, but i didnt know what i would say and i didnt want my friends to wonder why i talked to her. But like i mentioned, the whole thing... seeing the Mando Meters, thinking about Mando.... it left me with some weird feelings which i cant quite put words to. But i think its good that they are doing more research anyway, whatever the research might be :)
     It did get me thinking about Mando though, i am going back there in autumn and it will be my 3 year check up and after that i only have 2 more visits - once in 2016 and once in 2017 and then i will be off there list of patients :) As they have a 5 year check up plan after being declared healthy to make sure that the patient doesnt relapse :)

Anyway, some random thoughts. This evening it felt so good to lie in bed and watch some series which is how i am going to continue my evening as tomorrow will be a super hectic/busy day - but more about that tomorrow :)

I hope you have all had a lovely day!!! SOon the weekend!



Ask me questions!

Time for another.... Ask me questions post! Not sure if i will even get any asks as i know many people are busy with school or work, or it's just easier to not comment... i mean we all do it. We read a blog post and then move on with our lives - Simple! And maybe you just dont have any questions.... i am a pretty open book on here. Personal, love, family, future, past.... its pretty much all on here. Or that's what you think anyway :) There is alot of personal, my thoughts, family, friends, love thoughts which arent on here....

If you do have any questions its just to comment, or if you have any topic suggestions or maybe even some constructive critisizm which i can use to better my blog, my writing and my posts. (P.s i am aware that i use alot of smileys as well as improper grammar at times.... and spelling mistakes. I'm only human) But also, i know alot of people wanted posts about exercise, so if you have any certain suggestions about posts within that category let me know. (No, i wont write out my workouts or share exercise's/workouts to do at home.)

Or... just choose some random questions from here, or just comment random numbers :)

Zero - Who was your last text from?
One - What/who is your icon?
Two- Your relationship status?
Three - Have you ever lost a close friend?
Four - What is your current mood?
Five - What’s your brother(s)/sister(s)names?
Six - Where do you wish you were right now?
Seven - Have a crazy side?
Eight - Ever had a near death experience?
Nine- Something you do a lot?
Ten - Angry at anyone?
Eleven - What’s stopping you from going for the person you like ?
Twelve - When was the last time you cried?
Thirteen- What are you really good at ?
Fourteen - What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
Fifteen- What were you doing yesterday at 10pm?
Sixteen - Do you prefer light or dark hair on the opposite sex ?
Seventeen - Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Eighteen - What is/are your favorite band(s)? .
Nineteen - What are you doing right now?
Twenty - Who do you trust 100% right now?
Twenty one - Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Twenty two - Heavy metal music?
Twenty three- Who Was the last person you hugged.
Twenty four- Is there anything you’re hiding from someone?
Twenty five - Who are you thinking of right now?
Twenty six - What should you be doing right now?
Twenty seven - What are you listening to?
Twenty eight - You need new jeans. Quick where do you go?
Twenty nine - Who was the last person who yelled at you?
Thirty - Do you act differently around the person you like?
Thirty one - What is your eye colour?
Thirty two - Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Thirty three - Who was the last person to make you angry?
Thirty four - Hello Kitty or dora?
Thirty five - Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
Thirty six - Hug anyone of opposite sex in past 24 hours?
Thirty seven - One thing you want right now?
Thirty eight - Will you fall in love in the next few months?
Thirty nine - What does the 5th text in your inbox say?
Forty - Are you worried about the future?
Forty one - Are you happy with life right now?
Forty two - Are you currently jealous?
Forty three – Who's your best guy friend?
Forty four -Do you forgive or forget?
Forty five - What do you miss the most about elementary school?
Forty six - Favorite Disney Channel show ?
Forty seven – Who’s 3 of your best girl friends?
Forty Eight - What are you looking forward to?
Forty nine - Does anyone like you right now?
Fifty- Lyrics to the song you’re listening to?

When will things get better

I get alot questions asking me when things will get better? When you will feel more normal? Healthy? When the thoughts will go away?

And the fact is, I can't tell you that. It's not that you gain weight, reach a healthy weight and suddenly you are normal and healthy. Of course being a healthier weight helps you easier fight your mental thoughts as when you are undernourished and underweight it's harder to think properly.
BUT all your thoughts, your fears, anxieties and behaviours they will still be there until YOU change them. Don't sit and wait for a miracle or hope that someone else will get rid of the thoughts for you. Don't think I will change tomorrow or ill do this behaviour or compensate just once because that's not how it works.

10 years from now,  if YOU don't change anything you will still live with your control issues, with your fears and anxieties.  Still have your behaviours and habits which restrict you from living a truly healthy life.
Is that how you want it? To be in the exact same position because you ate too scared to make a change? It is scary

.. but you know what is more scary? To live a life of regret? Where you know that you CAN change and make things better, you just haven't dared. That is pretty damn depressing. You need to learn to step outside of your comfort zone. But also fight the actual problem behind your eating disorder.  Because you are not doing all of this just to lose weight and be skinny. ... its more than that. And until you begin facing the actual problem and making a change in life then expect yourself to live in the same bubble 5-10 years from now.... or until you dare to make a change.

Resting due to injury

Izzy - i have injured my back running. I am normally very active like you - workout 6 days a week, lots of activity and outdoors activity. I have to rest, im finding it so hard and feeling so guilty about eating. Any advice?

When you are very active it is more common to injur yourself for numerous reasons such as over exertion, not enough rest or recovery time etc Exercise stresses the body so it's important with enough rest time inbetween workouts. 
  I dont know why/how you injured your back but it is super important that you rest now that you have a back injury because if you dont, or you begin exercising too early then you can cause more pain and injury and have to spend even more time resting. So its better to just rest a few weeks, and the time that your body needs to heal properly. Instead do some light stretching so that you don't get stiff. But i would follow your doctors instructions if you have gone there - which could be helpful.

Pain is your bodies way of saying that something is wrong and that it needs rest and recovery, that now you need to rest that muscle and whenever you feel pain because you move or touch a certain area... that is your body telling you to not do that. So listen to your body.


You should not feel guilty for resting or not exercising. This is a period in your life where you are injured and need rest. There are athletes who need to take several weeks or months off because they injure themselves after training so much.

Now is also a good time for you to face your fears and overcome these guilty and anxious thoughts. Because obviously you don't have a very healthy relationship with exercise and food if you are getting anxiety as soon as you dont/arent allowed to exercise. Now you need to remind yourself that you are doing what is GOOD AND HEALTHY for your body right now. Exercise isnt always the thing that makes you healthiest, but rest is also important.
  You aren't fat or lazy and you won't suddenly gain lots of weight - unless you are eating extreme amounts. But also if you do need to gain weight, now is the time to focus on that... because it is very hard and not optimal for your body to try to be gaining weight as well as exercising 6 times a week.

You also need to remember that your body needs food no matter what you do... whether you sleep all day or are busy all day. Exercise is NOT a compensation or reason why you can eat... You should eat so that you have energy to exercise, not exercise so that you can eat.

It is tough to face an exercise addiction and not be able to do something you enjoy, but i think this is good for you. To be forced to rest - DONT exercise and injure yourself even more. Instead be strong  and face your fears and anxieties because you will become sick in life or might injure yourself again. Or might travel somewhere and you cant exercise, and that is ok. You cant panic, freak out and decide to not eat just because of it.
   
I suggest to everyone who exercises regularly to take rest weeks from time to time and to sit down and ask yourself why do you exercise? It is common to maybe feel restless if you are a regular exerciser and then take a few days or even weeks off. But you should never feel the need to not eat (i.e massively restrict to compensate) or to feel guilty for not working out. Exercise should be something that gives you joy and is part of your life, not your whole life.

I know this can feel tough and terrible at the moment, but find other things to do with your day. Distract yourself, enjoy the rest because soon you will be back to your normal self and have lots of energy. This wont ruin progress or make you fat or gain weight. This is rest time so your body can recover from it's energy and you can go back to feeling better again.

Dont let that voice in your head control you, instead fight back and know that you are being strong and doing the right thing at the moment!

I have some posts which talk about anxiety and resting which might help you as well:

It's a new day with new opportunities

Thursday morning and a new day is calling!!! 

Or something like that anyway :) I am just happy it's a new day and that soon it's the weekend! But i am not going to think that way, instead think of the positives of today - its a good way to start the morning!

Today i have a Swedish test which i have been aware about for 2 weeks or so and i am just ready to have it over with. Going to do lots of preparation today as the 'test' is an analytical essay which we have 2 hours to write which really isn't alot of time to write an essay. When i do my national Swedish test in a few weeks time i will have 4-5 hours to write the essay! If you have ever tried writing a proper essay in 2 hours you will realise just how hard it is... for me i usually need a few days so that i can write the essay, then edit it, leave it a day or so, go back and fix and change and edit again. But of course, as you have so little time to write there are more exceptions and allowances about grammar and structure as well as maybe having a few loose threads, but really it should all be well thought out and nuanced! Just some school babbling!
  But once this test is over, its just to begin studying for my next tests - french and maths and not to mention my other essay deadlines and presentations. As you can tell next week is going to be a hellish week! But the thing is, i dont feel so stressed about it? I feel like i have things under control, mostly.... and it's a nice feeling. It's mostly this test today i am worried about, so i feel once it's over... i will feel less stressed and more in control!!

Anyway, to start off this long day where i will be in school from 8-5pm i made something so simple, yet delicious (which i havent eaten in forever) - 1,5portion egg white oatmeal & chocolate casein. Topped with almonds and milk (afterwards) and 1 boiled egg (was too full to eat the other).
   My taste buds are rejoicing.... i had forgotten how delicious oatmeal is, but now i just want to eat it all the time. How could i have gone this long - several weeks without eating oatmeal? It's funny how i get attached to something because it's so delicious and eat it all the time and then suddenly i eat one of my old favourites and its like an explosion of taste and yumminess in my mouth!!! From now on its going to be oatmeal several times a day because its so delicious and i cant get enough (& topped with casein which i havent eaten since autumn last year!!!)

Do you have any breakfast favourites at the moment? :)



Truself Organics

When life is busy and stressful and you feel like you have so many things to do, it can be easy to forget about taking care of yourself. About taking a moment to breathe and relax and to also take care of your skin and hair. Healthy isn't just about exercise and a certain diet, its about sleep, mental health as well as skin, hair and nails (and lets not forget water intake!).

Recently as i have been so stressed lately i have gotten more spots as well as dry skin and such as well as my hair and nails being negatively affected. So this evening, when i was finally done studying at 8pm i decided to make myself some oatmeal and green tea and put on a face mask from TruSelf Organics . Its a detoxifying mask which is supposed to draw out toxins and blackheads from the skin and leave it feeling fresh. And after leaving the mask on for 20 minutes my skin now feels super clear and smooth!!! Such a lovely feeling!

I got a little package which contained a detoxifying mask (powder) and a detox solution which i then mixed together and put on my face. Simple to do and very effective, i also love the packaging and the motto of love yourself. Its also all natural which is a bonus - you want to know what you are putting on your face as well as in your body :)






(My face looks brown because i have the mask on, haha)


You can read more and order the detoxifying kit HERE


*This post is in cooperation with TruSelf Organics, however the opinions and review is all subjective and based on my own opinion.

National waffle day

If you did not already know this, i am going to inform you now. It is Waffle day today (25th March), here in Sweden anyway... if its not an international thing, just pretend you are Swedish for the day and make yourself/buy yourself some waffles!

I absaloutly love waffles, more than pancakes... and that shows just how much i love waffles! And like they say... You are what you eat and waffles are pancakes with abs!  hahaha

After a super long day in school i came home and thought... i am going to make myself waffles. But i didnt want to spend forever trying to find a recipe and then having to measure everything out etc so i just used 2 scoops of my pancake mix and added 1 egg & water and then fried with coconut oil in the waffle maker... and 20 minutes later = super delicious waffles!!!
  I topped mine with quark, grated chocolate, walnuts and strawberries! And all i can say is DELICIOUS. In total making and prepping took 30 minutes and less than 10 minutes to eat it all i was so hungry!!! Now that i know i can use my pancake mix i am going to make waffles alot more often, so much more delicious than pancakes & adding that egg into the mixture made it even more fluffy!!

Now however its study time before i finally get to watch the latest Pretty Little Liars episode... apparently you find out who A is, so i am super excited. But that will be my reward for after my work :)

Have you seen the PLL episode? What did you think?

Are you going to eat waffles today? :) (I highly recommend it!)