Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


My day

The days all seem to go into one at the moment, the previous days resememble the next day... not really having any idea about what date or day it is, just sort of.... doing things.

Today has been like any day really, though a few differences. The past while ive been looking for a cap to wear for my morning walks or when i sit in the sun. But the places ive looked they have all been over my price range but today i drove out with my mum to a shopping centre and i found a Nike cap (the one i wanted) for a bargain price :) hahah Have to save money where i can!
I also got a delivery from MyProtein today, containing protein cookies and L-Glutamine which i have been asked to try ;) So i ate a protein cookie as part of my snack :) Do you want a review, or? :)

Otherwise... i havent done much. Ive felt very tired this evening so i guess getting a good nights sleep will be important this evening though its so warm in the house i feel like im walking around and just melting... i want to go stand in the fridge for a while! I didnt think i would ever say this, But im looking forward to colder days. Cant there just be a good mix of 10 degrees somedays and 30 degrees other days all year round because then you get a chance to just cool off, to wear that big jumper you want to wear and the next day wear that new bikini? ;) hahah
I feel like im taking c.a 3 cold showers per day though once i step out of the shower i just want to step in again!!!

Food and nuts has been consumed in large amounts today as well... as usual i guess? No more or less than normal. However my stomach is sticking out like im 6 months pregnant.... And so the food baby returns, it was good while it was gone ;);)
And also some negative body thoughts have crossed my mind recently... having problems with my face.... hahaha Sounds weird, but yes.
have you ever seen your face from another angle and just sort of paniced? Yup, thats how im feeling.
Hope these feelings pass soon, i mean i cant really get rid or swap my face ;);)

Calorie counters and why they are wrong

I got asked via email what it hought about online calorie counters and i stumbled upon the answer below which i thought was great.
   What do i think of them? Well i think they are very wrong... its so hard to actually know, an online counter how much energy you need. Sure, you can fill in your height, weight, age and activity level. But what exactly is moderate training? What is heavy training? Does walking to and from job count as part of exercise, etc etc.... So all of those things make a difference. I mean for me, i think my TDEE is something like 2400-2600 (on different counters) but that doesnt actually count in the fact that i have CF which automatically craves more energy frmo my body. And im pretty sure thats why i eat around 2500+ each day (on the rare occasions i have counted how much i eat i eat a very large amount).
   Apps such as MFP are just stupid as well when i used it once before i got told that i needed 1800 to maintain my weight.... -_-' That would serisouly have lead to me undereating.
  I dont think counting calories is necessary or healthy, it can just turn into a bad addiction and obsession. It turns food into numbers which isnt healthy. Its better to try to listen to your body, which can take anything frmo weeks to months to years to actually learn to do. To fully trust yourself and your signals. Its a learning progress. But just counting calories, worrying if you ate 200 more than yesterday or sitting and trying to force in 500 calories because you didnt eat enough in a day... that doesnt matter to a healthy body. While in recovery it can be good to follow a meal plan with the proper amoutn of energy for YOU, but counting calories isnt good and shouldnt be done otherwise. Try to avoid calorie counters they arent healthy and not a good thing to use.

HERE is the answer i found:

Why do the calories recommend so little calories for YOU?
The calorie calculator suggests that the thinner you are, the less you need to maintain, gain or loose. In recovery, this is completely wrong. Did you get me? COMPLETELY WRONG. In recovery, a person with bmi 15 (or more!) may need 3 times as much as the calorie calculator suggests, just to gain 1-2 lbs weekly. If a person with a low body weight tries this calculator, the amount of calories needed will be lower than if a person with a healthy bmi try it. These calculators are NOT for people in recovery who have done severe damage for thousands and thousands of calories.

But how many calories do I need then?
In recovery you need 2500-3000+. Read why here. On the other hand, a person not in recovery also needs waaay more than what these calorie calculators suggests. The amount of calories suggested by the calorie calculators are WRONG. The wholw 2000-thing is a lie. Quoting Ƙygunn
”The 2000 calorie need is self-reported in surveys. Which means 2000 calories was what these people BELIEVED they ate during the typical day. When they were later monitored in laboratory settings, they ate around 2500 calories. (They forgot to count nuts, latte, dressings, etc - or did not know the caloric content.)”
Still dont believe us? Ask FDA.

”The FDA wanted consumers to be able to compare the amounts of saturated fat and sodium to the maximum amounts recommended for a day’s intake—the Daily Values.  Because the allowable limits would vary according to the number of calories consumed, the FDA needed benchmarks for average calorie consumption, even though calorie requirements vary according to body size and other individual characteristics.
From USDA food consumption surveys of that era, the FDA knew that women typically reported consuming 1,600 to 2,200 calories a day, men 2,000 to 3,000, and children 1,800 to 2,500. But stating ranges on food labels would take up too much space and did not seem particularly helpful. The FDA proposed using a single standard of daily calorie intake—2,350 calories per day, based on USDA survey data. The agency requested public comments on this proposal and on alternative figures: 2,000, 2,300, and 2,400 calories per day.”
Ok. So the 2000-thing and the calorie calculators are wrong. But WHY do they recommend too little!?

”Despite the observable fact that 2,350 calories per day is below the average requirements for either men or women obtained from doubly labeled water experiments, most of the people who responded to the comments judged the proposed benchmark too high. Nutrition educators worried that it would encourage overconsumption, be irrelevant to women who consume fewer calories, and permit overstatement of acceptable levels of “eat less” nutrients such as saturated fat and sodium. Instead, they proposed 2,000 calories as:
  • consistent with widely used food plans
  • close to the calorie requirements for postmenopausal women, the population group most prone to weight gain
  • a reasonably rounded-down value from 2,350 calories
  • easier to use than 2,350 and, therefore, a better tool for nutrition education
Whether a rounding down of nearly 20 percent is reasonable or not, the FDA ultimately viewed these arguments as persuasive. It agreed that 2,000 calories per day would be more likely to make it clear that people needed to tailor dietary recommendations to their own diets. The FDA wanted people to understand that they must adjust calorie intake according to age, sex, activity, and life stage. It addressed the adjustment problem by requiring the percent Daily Value footnote on food labels for diets of 2,000 and 2,500 calories per day, the range of average values reported in dietary intake surveys.”
HERE and HERE are sources. 

There you have it. If a person gets told to eat 1500 on a diet, that person will most likely eat 2000-ish because most people underestimate their calorie intake. The person will loose weight, and think he or she did because he/she ate 1500. If the calorie calculator was correct and said that the person needed 2000 to loose, the person would have eaten 2500 and maintained. Fuck, thats a crappy calorie calculator! A person with an eating disorder on the other hand… This person often overestimate their intakes to the extreme. 3000 calories is suddenly 2500, and 1200 is suddenly 800. The calorie calculators are not for people in recovery, healthy people, or just… people. No. Just no. Stay away and stop trying to find ”reasons” why you dont need to eat 2500-3000+ in recovery. 

Source X

Swedish food for hiking

I got asked in an email if i could make a post of some swedish food which would be good as she is going hiking (shes not from Sweden but shes going to hike here in Sweden). Food that is good to bring as snacks or to bring with you that is high density.
   As many want to know more about Swedish culture etc i thought it would also be a good oppertunity to make a post about it. But also foods that are more calorie dense and good to eat if you are away or doing alot of activity say on a sports day or going comping/hiking etc :)
  So im sure you can find products simliar to these in your stores :)

Ill begin with snacks!

Trail mix is KEY!! I always have a bag of trail mix with me whether im travelling, long car journey, lots of walking or just out in town (though i try to avoid eating nuts out in public due to allergies ;)). This is high in energy and perfect snacks to bring with you :) Buy bigger packs so they last!

Gainomax/protein drinks. You dont need to drink these just because you workout... they are simliar to Fortimel/supplement drinks so buy a few of these as they are easy to pack, last long and a good energy refiller :)

Protein bars - Just like protein drinks. A good way to get energy and even protein into you!

Questbars/bounch balls/atkins bars/gainomax bars/raw food bars - All good sources of energy and protein and simple to pack - however, these are all quite expensive. So pair them with some fruit, nuts and protein drinks!

Chocolate covered nuts  (So called Naturgodis) For when you get chocolate cravings or want something sweet! (otherwise pick and Mix or chocolate bars is good to pack with you :))

Flapjacks/sesame seed snaps - Good energy source :)

Bags of dried fruit - quick, easy to eat and simple to pack

Dried banana chips!

Bananas and fruit - quick to eat and its good to also get some 'fresh food' when you might need to eat alot of packaged foods.

Small packs of juice are also good ot bring with you :) unless of course you want soda or just water :)

Wasa sandwich (swedish thing) Its crisp bread with filling inbetween - good snack for on the go!

Risifrutti (i.e rispudding with jam) good for the first few day(s) as a snack

digestive biscuits - Or other biscuits :)

Cheesedoodles/crisps.... Because Yum?! Or root fruit chips which they have now begun selling here in Sweden!


Granola - i sometimes just eat a handful of this as a 'pre snack snack?!' at home. Alot better to eat granola if you are out and about and doing lots during the days :) Delicious as well (can pair with soy milk or soy yoghurt (which lasts longer than normal yoghurt!)

Brown/whole grain bread or crisp bread. Crisp bread is better to bring if you are hiking/away for more than 3 or 4 days. (If you buy the 'sports' ones they are more energy tight, so thats a better choice!)

Soy yoghurt for snacks and breakfast

Almond/soy milk

Cans of tuna or mackerel - perfect to bring with you (put mackerel on crips bread = delicious!)

Quorn products - if you have some type of way to heat them

Oats - if you can boil them... otherwise just as topping on soy yoghurt or with milk

Prepared meals .- if you can heat them? But they often crave microwaves.... Which im guessing you dont have when you're hiking?! :)

If you buy wraps or bagels they are good as lunch/dinner and maybe some pre sliced turkey/chicken/cheese.

There are lots of things you can bring with... everything from oat cookies to normal cookies, water, sausages, eggs (if you can cook them), oats, cereal, nuts, tinned food, canned beans, crisp bread, rice cakes, buns, beans etc etc :)
  This was what i could think of now and took swedish products!!!

Morning walk

It feels like forever since i was last out on a morning walk, though it wasnt so long ago.... (but im trying to think when i last went out?!) I havent really felt like morning walks recently, and thats ok. However this morning i did feel like it, and so did Daisy!
  It was warm outside and pretty much no one else was out so it was perfect walking time!! I also saw deers, loads of baby frogs and bigger frogs ;) It was like the whole of nature had come out!!!

^(No i dont have a thigh gap ^_^ Its the angle of the picture!)