Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Unusual Saturday morning

Good morning everyone :)
 its 8.20am here in Sweden and ive already been awake 4 hours or so!! Waking up before 8am on a weekend is not really my ideal thing to do! But anyway, onto yesterday..... after eating a quick snack and getting changed i headed to A's work place where i got to meet all his co-workers and friends. Then we headed back to his place and watched Hobbit 3..... and in all honesty its 2 hours 30 of just war and battling. Not my favourite type of film but now i have seen the Hobbit films anyway. I dont know if i would recommend them or not? Its not really my type of movie but that doesnt mean its bad.

By the time the movie was over we were both so tired so i decided that i would sleep at his place.

If anyone has read my blog for a while they might know that i can get quite anxious when i sleep at other places than my own bed. This is something i developed after spending so many months as an inpatient.
  But i didnt feel any anxiety or worry or want to go home!!

As he is working today he had to get up at 6am so i woke up as well then but tried to get back to sleep as we had only slept roughly 4 hours or something but after 30 minutes of just lying there i decided i might as well get up and get ready to go home.

The first thing was to figure out how to take myself to the nearest station and then once i leave the apartment and look outside i see its a snow storm outside and i had my sort of 'heel boots' on & a skirt and tights and my non winter/snow coat. Then when i got to the nearest station and look at the time table i realise that the train doesnt always stop there... only if you have somehow contacted someone telling them that you are going to get on/off at that station. So i stood there half panicking because the next train would go in 30 minutes and i had no idea where a bus or other train station was.... but luckily the train stopped and i got on and an hour later was home again!!!

So now im just after eating breakfast and about to clean my room and then i'll see what i do. I had planned to go running today but the energy for that just isnt in me as well as it is a snow storm outside. So i think instead it will just be food and study and then i'll see what my plans are this evening :):)

Those bad body image days

Today has been a really good day and i have felt really good and felt a bit like goldilocks with my hair all new washed.
  However when i came home and after eating my snack i was going to change as i started feeling super uncomfortable in what i was wearing, like my clothes were getting tighter and yup... im in another phase of bloating. hahaha. XD Its like as soon as i ate i bloat. Somedays its just like this and sucks... especially when you are trying to look and feel good. So after numeerous changes, running around in my room in search of a top to wear. Looking in the mirror, disliking what i see, walking away only to walk back a few moments later because i need to put on make up etc
     These days and FEELINGs suck. But i know they will pass... i guess its tiredness, it has been along week afterall.

And my best tips when you feel like this... i.e disliking what you see and feeling a certain way.

1) Remember its just a feeling. No... you arent expanding, no you havent gained a kilo fat in half a day. Its just feelings.
2) Drink some water. Write down your thoughts. DONT panic.
3) Put on something cosy or nice or try to just not think of what you are wearing and how you feel.
4) Distract yourself!! Dont just sit around and feel bad, instead do something.

I dont really have an option, i have to leave in 1 minute... (Why am i blogging? By the time this is up ive already left anyway!)

We all have these feelings and thoughts. They suck, they can ruin your day, but DONT LET THEM. Instead disconnect your thoughts from your body, you are NOT your body. You are so much more than your appearance. You are you and your personality and qualities and traits.
  So dont just let your appearance control you. There is so much more to life than that... because yes, people bloat. I cant stop the fact that im bloating right now... uncomfortable, sort of. But im only human!!!

A bit of a rushed post but i just wanted to write out my thoughts a little, show you that im only human and also have fat/bad body image days as well!!! Also SHARE your tips on what you do to help when you have bad body image days or feel fat incase others need them :)

Friday finds:


Homemade raspberry sun tea- my latest favorite thing to drink during the summer!


The one with the treadmill. | 31 GIFs That Will Make You Laugh Every Time

Snack suggestion:


The Calvin Klein underwear set!!!

Clothes i want/need(??)!)

(If you havent noticed... i have a sports bra addiction!)

Longing for:
Summer days!
Nothing like wiggling our toes in the clear sea | Source:
Lie on a hammock by the beach and just relax and breathe in the fresh air!
Summer...wish life could be like that forever!

Waiting for:


“It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked.”-Rob Bell

This is too beautiful to not reblog

Something that made me smile:





I have two hands and three foods.



Peanut butter oreo banana bread recipe

PB Oreo Banana Bread at #recipes #dessert
Peanut Butter Oreo Banana Bread
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup vegetable oil
  • 1/2 cup peanut butter
  • 2 overripe bananas
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 cup buttermilk
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
  • 15 Oreos, crushed (I use a food processor)
  • 6 Oreos, crumbled for topping (I just did this with my hands)
  1. Preheat oven to 350°. Grease two standard sized loaf pans or 4 mini loaf pans.
  2. Mix oil, peanut butter, and sugar in a large bowl with a stand mixer whisk.
  3. Add the bananas, eggs, sour milk, and baking soda to the peanut butter mixture. Beat until combined.
  4. Slowly mix in flour, beating just until combined, don't over mix!
  5. Mix in the crushed Oreos. Divide the batter evenly between the two pans (even if it looks like the batter could all fit comfortably in one pan, don't! I've found that I can't get it to bake all the way through without burning the outside if I only use one pan).
  6. Crumble the 6 Oreos over the batter (3 Oreos for each).
  7. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until toothpick inserted comes out mostly clean (it IS a very moist bread, so you may still have a little bit of bread that sticks to the toothpick, that's ok).
  8. Let cool for at least 10 minutes in the pans before trying to slice.

Friday 30th January & positives of the day!

Friday the 30th of January, and only one more day of the month!!!
Anyhow... Need i say that i have spent far more time blogging than i thought i would so once again im stuck in the i have 10 minutes on me to brush my teeth, brush my hair, finish drinking coffee, pack my bag etc etc etc
But i did this thing called 'Friday Finds' where i just post some pictures and things i have found online recently... and well, it took more time than i had thought!!

I thought i would quickly write about my day which is a workout followed by school followed by quickly coming home and then going to A's place for movie dinner :)Yes we're going to watch lots and lots of movies :) But im not complaining, i love movies! He works 10-12 hours 6 days a week so then its kind of nice to not just run around town. We can do that on his days off :)

That is my plan for the day and im looking forward to it!! So hopefully it will be a good day!!!

And even though it is super early in the morning i already have my positives of the day:

1) Warm coffee!
2) Its Friday!!
3) Cant wait until this evening
4) 'Fredagsmys' in my philosophy class today
5) Seeing my friends
6) Workout soon!
7) I have lots of energy (I LOVE being a morning person... getting up early isnt so hard for me once i have a routine!)

Share your positives of the day if you have any :)

Healthy fats and Omega 3

Quite alot of people fear the word 'fat' and especially when it comes to food... if food has fat in it, they feel the need to avoid it. But why.... healthy fats such as avocados, salmon, nuts, seeds, oils etc are GOOD and NECESSARY for your body. Infact Omega 3 & 6 are essential for your body, and lots of people dont get their recommended amount of Omega 3. There are lots of benefits to it such as:

I personally take 1-3 Omega 3 capsules a day usually with breakfast for best absorption. As most people dont eat enough of Omega 3 it can be very helpful to take capsules.

Omega 3 is an important part of a healthy diet, and can be bought in many different stores

2 (1)
Omega 3

Does It Matter How You Get Your Omega-3s?
"Your supermarket is loaded with foods boasting omega-3 content: The nutrient can be found in flaxseeds, chia seeds, kale, fortified orange juice and bread, fish, and fish oil supplements.
That’s great, because research has found that omega-3s may improve your brain function, decrease your risk of heart disease, and help with overall inflammation. But not all sources are created equal, says Men’s Health nutrition advisor Mike Roussell, Ph.D.
Think of omega-3 fatty acids in two very separate categories, Roussell says: The kinds that come from fish, EPA and DHA; and the kind that comes from plants, ALA.
The omega-3s from fish have stronger evidence backing their heart-health benefits. Research has suggested that these fatty acids may reduce the fat in your blood and decrease inflammation, which is the root of heart disease, Roussell says. They may even improve the electrochemistry of your heart, he says.
It was thought that the plant-derived omega-3s were only good for your heart because your body converted them into smaller amounts of EPA, one of the fish-derived fatty acids. By that theory, you’d need to eat a lot of chia seeds to get the same benefits as you’d get from a chunk of salmon.
But recent science suggests that we might not have given ALA enough credit. In a review, Penn State researchers concluded that ALA may have benefits beyond being converted into EPA. It may help prevent heart disease on its own by reducing inflammation. Still, more research needs to be done to find out if omega-3s from plants are as good for you as those from fish—and how much you would need to consume to reap the rewards, Roussell says.
The takeaway: Don’t swap fish for flax just yet. 
Roussell is standing by his general recommendation to aim for a total of 1,000 milligrams of fish-derived omega-3s daily. “Most people don’t eat fatty fish with enough consistent frequency, so I think everyone should take a supplement,” he says. It’s also a good idea to shoot for 2 to 3 grams of ALA daily in the form of foods like flaxseeds, flaxseed oil, walnuts, canola oil, and chia seeds, he says."
post in cooperation with

Happiness is contageous

Its Thursday evening here in Sweden but I wish it was Friday evening.... :/ One more day of school tomorrow and i am not looking forward to it, but im not going to think about that now, instead im going to think about what a good day i have had today!!!

This morning for school we had to go to a temple for our religion class where we got to see their practise and then do some interviews, film and ask some questions as we have a video assignment to do. So after our afternoon lessons my friends and I sat and worked 2,5 hours on that video though making videos isnt really our skill! But i think it will turn out ok, so going to continue working on that tomorrow :)

Came home and made myself my favourite snack at the moment... and i have actually tried some of your snack suggestions, ive made french bread, oatmeal with different flavours, overnight oats etc though they havent looked so good so i have avoided taking a picture :)
  My snack today was protein pancakes, greek yoghurt with granola, dark chocolate and walnuts. Followed by some more nuts and seeds  :)

After my snack i decided to go to the shop to get the ingredients for THESE cookies. In Sweden we have this thing called Fredagsmys i.e cosy friday? Basically its what alot of Swedish people have Friday evenings. They buy chips and chocolate and drink and watch a film or something with their friends and family.... but in my philosophy class we have decided to have 'fredagsmys' where everyone brings in something...... so i decided i would bake my delicious cookies and cream cookies. They are SOOO good. Half the batch has already disappeared and ALSO. You have to try the combination of Oreos & cookie dough on top.... I ate 2 or 3 ok 4 of them! So good :):):)

After eating lots of cookies and oreos it was then dinner with my family, somehow i still had room for more, though i must admit. Now im feeling the need to just lie down or take a really cold shower because my body is heating up from all the sugar! If you dont know this about me, whenever i eat too much sugar i start sweating like crazy, feel sick and often need to lie down :( Sometimes i just want to eat like 5+ cookies... why must my body act this way?

Onto other topics... today has been a really good day :) Though on the way home from schoool, feeling hungry and tired as i stayed 2,5 hours after school i was just irritated at everyone!! haha.

Now anyway i need to get ready for tomorrow and starting pack my bag etc :) Once again, having too much to do at once!!

My exercise

If anyone finds posts about exercise triggering then you can skip this post, but i thought i would write about my own exercise right now :)

So i exercise most days a week, but it all depends on how my life is at the moemnt... if im sick or tired then i rest. If i dont have motivation then i rest. If i have extra energy then i might do intervals and strength training. If i feel like doing cardio then ill do an hour or 30 or 15 minutes cardio. Strength training is what i love doing, but i also love doing all forms of exercise and im just waiting until spring and when i have more freetime so that i can begin with my long distance running again as well as outside training and boxing. Just to vary things a little.
   Ive never really been one of those people who when they go to the gym they have a workoutplan to follow and they stand and do 8 reps then wait exactly 1 minute or 30 seconds before doing it again.... all in the hopes of wanting to build bigger muscles. Nope... thats not for me. Whether i rest 10 seconds or 2 minutes between sets all depends on how im feeling.

I personally love doing supersets and tri sets and recently have began doing drop sets during my workouts. This is to challenge my body and to keep doing different things. Because even if its tough and you feel your muscles burning, its a good burning, i know that im getting stronger and doing something which i couldnt do before. I also love the 1000rep challenge where you pick 10 exercises and try to do 100 reps in as few sets as possible. Though i usually pick 5 exercises and then try to do 100 reps in as few sets as possible of all 5 exercises and then the same thing again! The only problem with this is that it is easy to hurt yourself as you do so many reps, its especially easy with shoulders!!

My goals within exercise arent physical, if they were i would be doing a very different workout plan and be eating different. But i dont have time or energy to think 'now i need to eat this so that my muscles will grow' or i need to wait 30 minutes until i can eat for 'best results' etc etc all these rules and thoughts just to make your body build muscle or lose fat? Usch no... that is not for me. Following rules when it comes to food and exercise? No thank you, i will take my mistakes, learn from them, grow and do what i like best. And thats working for me, im getting stronger and that is a goal of mine :) Whether my physical changes or not i dont know, but in all honesty i am 110% happy with how i look now so i am in no need of my body changing and in fact i would prefer if it doesnt.

Back to exercise.... when i feel like it i do interval running on the treadmill usually for 10 minutes where i do 20 seconds sprinting at 16-18km/hr and then 10 seconds rest and repeat for 8-12 minutes. Thats usually the most cardio i do during the week, sometimes i walk to or from school if i feel like it. But its been so cold and slushy outside recently so that hasnt been so tempting.
   During the weekends i like to go for a walk if i get the time, its nice to stretch my legs, not get too stiff!!! But like i mentioned already, im waiting for the snow to melt as my goal this year is a half marathon and some other races :)

Now im trying to think what else you want to know :) But i guess its just to comment really :) If you want to read more about exercise then i can try to write 1-2 posts a week though i am very  clear that this blog WONT turn into a training blog. The focus is still on recovery and yes, exercise CAN be a part of recovery i mean it was definitely what helped me recover physically and mentally. Ive made mistakes with exercise ive gone overboard many times, but ive learnt from those mistakes. But i would recommend ONLY to begin exercising when you are 2-3kg from your HEALTHY weight/BMI.
    During recovery your body needs rest and recovery to repair itself. Otherwise you can cause more bad than good. So remember this, a BALANCE of exercise :) For enjoyment, for health not for vanity and to try to lose fat and have like 8% body fat because that is not a happy life.

Readers story

I got a readers story sent to me the previous day which i thought i would share! (Remember that if you want to share any advice, your own story or something you have learned along the way or to write a guest post for me, its just to email me :) - and write in the subject what it is you are emailing about :))

I will start by saying that it was around the beginning of the year, just after Christmas and New Years that I decided that it was time to 'be the best that I can be' and get into a good, slim shape, I decided that I wanted to be the type of girl that other girls were jealous of because of the way I looked, although I had always been happy and healthy weight with little to no thoughts about food, I had nothing to be self conscious about! But I began my long journey by cutting out snacking, thinking it was only right to eat at meal times. Then I decided to allow my self one sweet treat a day, then one sweet treat 3 times a week, then one a week but only if I didn't eat breakfast. This is when I started to calculate every calorie I ate a day, and to do this I became obsessed with numbers and weighing food. I even found myself showing off to my classmates about how strict I was. Having always been sporty and quite good at cross country I began running everyday, feeling on edge if there was a day that I didn't run. I found that my Nintendo Wii fit was cheering me on to be more fit and track my weight, scorning me if I missed a day and rewarding me if I burned calories. This is when I starting seeing change, I was thrilled, my hard work was paying off, I was slimming down and looking older, coming into my features as everyone said.

Things continued downhill when in around april me, my mum and my sister visited my Aunt in Spain. I had always known my sister was greedy and gluttonous and this led to her being overweight, but witnessing first hand her lack of self control around food, devouring everything she saw without regard for health or moderation, I found it revolting. She disgusted me. I think it is what made me want to completely avoid food, after seeing the affects it can have. And I think that when compared to my sister my Mum noticed how little I was actually eating, taking only a handful of bran for breakfast, refusing to drink between meals, she then noticed my hip bones in my bikini. When we returned home she weighed me, and I was 7.11 stone, she told me that this was as light as she wanted me to get. But the fear of losing the control I had coined terrified me, so I grasped on, I began to miss breakfast, then I began to miss lunch until I ate only 300 kcals a day. My weight just fell off.
I was so unhealthy but I tried to lie to myself and say that I was happy, but I wasn't, I kept telling myself, I will eat this but not today, not tomorrow, but some time, meaning that deep down I knew I had a problem and I needed to get out. Thus began GCSEs. I spent all of my time revising, saying I was too busy to eat, my English teacher noticed my sallow, pale skin and asked if I was eating ok, I lied and said yes, though I was embarrassed, I quite enjoyed her concern for me. The lack of nutrition was now showing in my face, in my hands, my body, but most noticeably in my eyes, which had lost their twinkle and become dead like a shark's. My Mum found that the dinner money she was giving me for school lunches wasn't being spent and that I was replacing it in her purse, she was furious, because she was worried, here we started arguing, I felt as though my best friend was turning against me and starting to resent me, though deep deep down I was in there screaming for her help, I knew I needed it, so I began searching for 'recovery inspo' online and fell into your blog Izzy, I remember it, something switched slightly inside me, I was inspired, truly, it made me want to have the motivation to turn my life around, so I became I regular reader. When GCSEs finished my mum took me on a road trip, she had already found that making deals with me about food worked, and encouraged me to eat, though I was still partly reluctant, on this trip we saw my Uncle, who is my idol, my favourite person in the whole world, and even he noticed my lack of weight, his concern for me was motivation to commit to recovery, I hated the idea that he may not like me if I was too skinny since he is so big and muscly.

It was hard when school finished and my Mum was able to monitor what I did or did not eat, this caused many arguments, I could see my relationship, my friendship, with my Mum crumbling. I knew I had to recover, for my mum's sake but I had decided it would be on my terms, i would do it my way, which was wrong, it wasn't real recovery, I continued lying to my mum and myself, I was still hiding food in my pockets at the dinner table, I was still running when I said I was going for a walk. I, by this point had become a liar, I had stooped to levels I never thought I would. The idea of eating too much, or at the wrong time filled me with dread. After asking me to go to the ice cream parlour, and me refusing multiple times, my Dad decided to talk to me where he said ' we all love you, everybody loves you and no-one understands why you're doing this. You need to eat' but instead of taking his words and fully committing to recovery I got angry, I think because I was embarrassed, my mum saw my anger and told me my dad said what he did because 'I was breaking his heart'. that statement cut deep.
I felt guilty too the core, my relationship with my sister has never been the same, and i had never seen my mother cry before now and my Dad had told my mum that he couldn't bare to look at me. Growing up i had always been sullen and very pokerfaced, and my sister was the only one who could make me laugh, and when she did I roared, but one night I told her that she wasn't funny anymore, and my mum asked me why I didn't laugh and I responded 'because nothings funny and I dont have the energy to try' my Mum's face fell, thats when I realised that I was broken, I had broken me, I wasn't the same, I had stripped myself down to the bare minimum, I had no character and I was just a basic human.

After much struggling I was finally realising that in order to be healthy, I needed to gain weight, the number on the scale needed to rise, though i was reluctant I knew that this realisation was a step forward. While sites like tumblr. helped me become the lifeless wraith who thought that any fat whatsoever was bad, sites like yours Izzy helped me become proactive in becoming a healthy teenager. It was your site Izzy that made me proactive, and found that being strong and physically able was so much better than being thin and bony. I expressed this to my mum and she asked her personal trainer Ben, to give some time to give me some advice and perhaps a gym workout program, this was the first time I met him and he was just so cool, just a cool guy, he said it like it was without the sugarcoating, he simply said, 'you look thin, I can see in your chest bones and your legs, your skin and hair are awful' and I agreed. This was the day after prom for which I had bought a stunning blue 'Ghost' dress, it looked lovely when I bought it, but upon trying it on again, it looked horrendous, my hip bones and ribs were visible through it, I couldn't face my peers like this. My Mum told me that the only way she would let me do my gym program from Ben was if I agreed to carb load like an athlete, and drink my protein shakes that Ben had given me, three times a day. And after my first session lifting weights with Ben, I knew I had found a passion, i had fallen in love with weight training, and I was determined to dedicate myself to it, I researched and progressed and got stronger, and now I started to see a difference, and Ben said so too. I was thrilled, my hair had stopped falling out, my cheeks had become rosy and I could walk upstairs without feeling dizzy. When the scales started to go up, my fear started to go down, life was positive. Due to the lcm of fat around my face, I lost hearing in my right ear, eustachian tube dysfunction, but surprisingly it came back when I started to fill out again!

And now from less than 6 stone I now weigh just under 8, I know it doesn't seem much but i am determined to keep it growing, to keep seeing gains! I am stronger than I have ever been before both physically and mentally, I look in the mirror everyday able to remind myself that I am awesome and believe it because I hit rock bottom and crawled my way back up, and every second was worth it, it hasn't been a smooth ride, it was bumpy and everyone's journey is different but every single one leads to a happier fuller life. The fact is, I owe Ben my life, and I will strive to make him proud of what he has helped sculpt and create, and I think that more people need to understand that those who fall into anorexia's trap didn't choose to, yes they made certain decisions, but it is not an attention thing and it is not their fault! I've got my twinkle back!
Thank you Izzy

New things are happening

Hello :)
  Thursday morning and i thought it would be good to log into my Blogger and write a little update :)

Thank you so much for all your comments on my previous posts, i will reply once i get a chance!! I am also suprprised that pretty much 99% of you who commented would like to read more about my exercise, i didnt think people wanted that at all.
  So i might try write an exercise post or two a week... though im not sure what type of exercise post.... advice? My own exercise? tips on exercises (though if im honest, i dont know how comfortable i feel doing that on here, just incase!)..... but let me know :)

Anyway, yesterday was a really good day!!! After school i headed to A's plaace,, though i ended up missing one of the trains as i didnt understand which one to take and the next one came in 20 minutes, but he picked me up instead which was really nice so i didnt hvae to wait out in the cold!!
   We then went to get dinner which was at a thai place.... and i had chicken skewers with peanut sauce and rice. First time having it but it was really delicious :) Chicken and a peanut sauce works well!!!
    And then we drove to his place and watched a movie and just cuddled. Also, some of you may know already but....Yeah, i'm in an official relationship now. I had decided i might ask on the weekend if we could go public on FB with the relationship but it was just so nice yesterday and i just felt.... why not? I want people to know, but i also wanted him to know that i do want to be his girlfriend and not just have this label-less 'what are we' type of thing.

(I thought i would add a little funny thing: I have been quite secretiv to most people that im dating as i havent wanted to say im dating someone and then nothing happens, like last time and get loads of questions, so then when it got posted on FB my dad comments and writes 'call me' hahaha XD And not to mention all the curious 'who/what/when/how's ? im getting!!!)

Though i must admit now these thoughts of....what does this mean? will things change etc are popping into my head. Because yes this is my first official boyfriend who i actually like. Ive been with other guys but it was more of peer pressure or trying to find out if i like the guy and then i dont really.... If i must admit when i came home last night after spending the evening with A i did get these feelings freedom is taken away from me now when i suddenly know that i have a boyriend. Because my life will change, i.e i want to spend lots of time with him but i also know i need my own time. But.... its just in the beginning stages so nothing to worrry about now :) Its just thoughts i wanted to write down!!!
   Anyway, its exciting and im happy and curious to see where this will go and develop :)

Now however i need to get ready, eat some breakfast and get some blogging done :) So have a lovely day everyone!!!

**i wanted to post pictures but im using my old at home computer now so whenever i try to upload pictures it crashes. XD So i hope that its ok that there might not be any photos today!

Day 6) What are your goals for the future?

Just a few days later than i had planned, i am writing my last 'day' of the Positive recovered challenge.
  I guess its called a challenge for a reason... its not so much the post that is hard to write, but the actual getting it done and posting it on the write time!!!

Even if the posts have been sporadic, i hope that they have motivated you a little anyway? Made you think twice about recovery and hopefully make you want to choose recovery. That choice has to come from YOU, but hopefully i can spark a little bit of motivation or inspiration within you to fight that voice in your head!!!

To end this challenge, what are my goals for the future? It feels like i have written about my goals so many times that its like a pre written list in my head. But i am going to write a few random goals/bucketlist goals as well!!

To travel to the U.S again!
To have my own apartment.
To get another beagle :)
To run lots and lots of races.
To start baking more.
To get better at cooking and making food - not just going for the simple microwave or frying food!
To not feel so anxious every time i have to go to the doctors.
Keep trying new chocolate flavours :)
Reading more books.
Writing a book.
More workout clothes.... (Hahaha, i dont think this is a good goal to have, but what can i say? Im addicted!!)
Helping more people with their health.... and getting paid for it XD
Think outside the box and be more creative.
Get stronger, happier, more flexible, faster!

Just a few of my goals anyway :):)

If YOU have participated in this challenge then let me know, leave your blog link or comment or send me an email and tell me what you think :) And once i get a chance i will make sure to read your posts, to those of you who have blogs :):)

What do YOU want to read about?

I know i ask this question alot, but its just to help me..... so i know what i should think about when im writing. I can see that some posts arent that interesting to people, so then i dont post them as much. But i dont know what people find most interesting.
   Whether its myself and me personally, or its recovery motivation, or food posts, or exercise posts (though i limit these to like 0,1% XD), or advice posts or recipes or videos.

I know its my blog and i can choose what to post and i will still do that, but sometimes its nice to know what YOU want to read about as well, it can help when im not feeling as creative or inspired as usual!!

So hopefully you can comment and let me know :) Constructive feedback is always good and appreciated :) And of course i look at the comments as a whole.... so i see what is requested most and what isnt as appreciated. :)

P.s i thought i might start with weekly posts of 'What i ate Wednesday' (though most probably starting next week XD) & Friday finds or something like that :)

Why you should choose recovery

Reasons why you should want to recover:

So that you can finally have some peace and silence in your mind, not have a voice in your head telling you what you should or shouldnt do. Or what you can or cant eat. Or when you can do things.

So that you can work on your self love and body love and one day be truly happy in your own body and confident in yourself to smile because you love yourself just like you are.

So that you can have a future which wont be entangled with an eating disorder. Which wont be controlled by a voice in your head, taking away your options and limiting your life experiences as well as life years.

So that you wont have to deal with the consequences of injuries, brittle bones, anemia, osteoporosis, digestive problems, irreversible metabolic damage and if you purge or abuse laxatives or such it can also lead to different types of cancer or other consequences in the future.

So that you can make choices based on your own health and happiness, not based on something like avoiding anxiety and not facing your fear.

So that stress and bad situations wont trigger you and force you over the edge. But instead you can cope with the tough situation and know that it will get better.

So that you can spend time with friends and family and enjoy their company whether you go on holiday somewhere and can enjoy the spontaneity of it all or just going out for coffee or going dancing with friends. But you dont feel pressured to say no because their might be food involved or because it will take away from your 'exercising time'.

So that you can smile at the small things and feel more positive in life.

So that you can be free...... because living with an eating disorder is Hell. Its not a life, its simply surviving. Walking on a balance rope, either walking it slowly towards recovery or falling off either edge into darkness.


Energetic morning

Goooooddd morning :) (Or night/evening/afternoon).
  For me anyway its morning and i woke up on the right side of the bed. The alarm ringing didnt bother me at all and no tthoughts of hitting snooze. Instead i jumped out of bed, happy to be awake and ready for this day :)
     Very early morning today followed by my longest day in school and then hopefully a film and dinner with A. I just want it to be 4pm now.... hahaha #Oh-no-ive-caught-the-feelings!!!
    But if i know myself and my life well, whenever i write that something will happen it doesnt. So who knows what will happen in the next 8 hours or so.

Anyway, now im going to schedule a few posts so that there is something to read :) So i wish you all a great day/evening :) Actaully.... if you want to comment, let me know where YOU are from? Which country/state do you live in? :)

I felt a bit like this when i woke up:

Strange day

What a strange and weird day today!!!
     Ill begin with the radio interview i did..... and well, after it was done i just started laughing as it went so horrible in my own opinion anyway. Alot of 'ehhmms' and forgetting what i was saying because there was noise in the background... Gosh, dont really want to know what i said or how i sounded. XD I think it was a live interview as well?
Today i have also gotten random comments/emails from people telling me they love me... after reading the article and i even got this super weird email:

hahahahahha. Not at all creepy?!!
Though it did give me a good laugh, im just hoping that i dont receive another email.

^^Dont worry, i dont mind people telling me they like me... but this person commented this on alot of my pictures and such.... too creepy for my liking.

Then at the end of school myself and some others in my class get called out because we have alot of absences and that can result in some problems. I got this warning before in first year but at that time i had had alot of doctors appointments with Mando and the CF clinic. All my life i have always had a high absence from school though i always had a reason for it, my CF. But the past 1,5 years i havent gotten a warning because my attendance has been good so i was really confused at first. All i have missed is 4 days i think from this school term, though that was enough to put me on the warning list.... and my reason for that was that i had no voice. Despite not having a voice on the Monday or Tuesday and Wednesday morning i went to school anyway as i didnt want to miss too many lessons, but then had to take Thursday and Friday off (my mums orders) so that i could get better. Which was exactly what i needed. Though it feels so strange that just those few days when i was actually sick would give me this warning..... But i have a valid reason and my mum as well as friends and teachers (the teachers i had while i had no voice heard how i tried to whisper an answer when asked a question or had to talk). So i dont think it will be a problem.... 
    There are quite alot of people in my class who are skipping alot of days in school and i am more worried about them and the consequences they will face than myself as i know that if i need days off because of my CF i have all right to take them (though now i just need to remember to call a doctor to get a note saying why etc)

Anyway, when i came home i was craving rice cakes like crazy... it feels like forever since i last ate them so went to the shop to buy some granola, toblerone chocolate and sour cream and onion flavoured rice cakes!!

Fried egg on rice cakes = delicious!!

This evening im going to do some reading, some blogging as tomorrow i think i will be gone pretty much all day and just taking it easy :)

How has your day been? :)