Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Monday, October 24, 2016

Monday and a new week - thinking positive and being social

Hello everyone :)

After a not so great weekend where i was burdened with alot of negative thoughts and feelings as well as alot of anxiety, i was ready for a new week. Ready to just start fresh and try to get myself together and focus on the new week and be productive.
I woke up early at 6am, filled with energy and ready to make the day great. I started with my daily cup of coffee, medication as well as some journalling and positive thinking. Writing my goals for my life and for my week, and then it was off to the gym.
Its funny how just a few days off from the gym/strength training and once i get back to it i realise just how much i love it. I love all forms of exercise but running and the gym are my absaloute favourite... I am always so happy when i get to workout and exercise. Its not a chore or a "Have to", but something i love to do. If i ever dont feel motivated to workout then i dont, and thats what makes exercise such an enjoyment for me as its something i choose to do because i love it and WANT to do it. So after my morning i was filled with energy and ready for the day and ready for a super breakfast.

However then once i had eaten breakfast and was sitting in the kitchen trying to study i felt so incredibly unmotivated, i didnt want to go to school. I wanted to cancel all my plans for the day and the week and just not study and not do anything. Just lie in bed and refuse to do anything..... 

But i got myself together and headed to school as it was an obligatory laboratorium we were doing, and once i got to school i was glad i did. I had a great time talking with friends as well as the laboratorium being interesting and fun to do. And also i had plans to meet a friend (who is in another gorup) after school. I was super happy when she had suggested we meet up and do something as i feel like i need to do more than just go to school, workout and be at home.I need that extra social life and meeting people outside of school.
So today we ended up walking to my house and we bought some food on the way and made dinner and then just sat and talked. The hours just flew by and it was really nice to feel like i can talk to someone and its not strained or quiet or awkward. Also we did get into the topic of eating disorders and she has had an eating disorder in the past/still struggles at times, and i actually admitted that i had struggled with an eating disorder which was SO STRANGE for me to do. I never do that... i mean it took almost 6 months for me to admit to my exboyfriend that i had struggled with an eating disorder, and now after just 2 months of knowing a person i was ok with telling her. However i guess i just feel more open about it, as well as her having an eating disorder herself so it didnt feel strange. But also we were talking about how common it it that people suffering with eating disorders study things such as nutrition or dietician and how some of the things we learn could be triggering for someone who is sick. But also we talked about how there are unfortunatly some people in our class who may have an eating disorder, but also speculated about how many in the class had or have an eating disorder... taking myself and her as example... 2 people who have had eating disorders and are studying the program.

Anyway, it has been a great day and i am now filled with positive energy for the week. I love spending time with people who give energy and make me want to be social instead of people who just drain me of energy and leave me feeling tired.

To end this post i need to recommend what we ate for dinner. It was my friend who made it and it was sooo good. Basically sweet potatoes mixed with lentils.

1) Cook up lentils with some water and at the same time microwave the sweet potatoe until it becomes soft.
2) Add spices to the lentils and when the lentils are cooked as well as the sweet potatoe mash it all together and it becomes like a sweet potatoe/lentil mince.

It was sooo good and i am going to make it many more times from now on!

Anyway, i hope you have all had a great day and have a great week!
Set up somegoals for yourself and fight for your goals!

And lastly, i have alot of studying at the moment so my posts might not be so often but if you leave questions i will try to answer them in posts when i have time :)

Sunday, October 23, 2016

S.A.D - Seasonal affective disorder

Seasonal affective disorder is a serious illness and people are diagnosed for it as ewll as requiring treatment to recover. Over the years ive wondered if i do have S.A.D or whether its just that i am more sensitive to the weather change and the coldness. I've never gone to a doctor but i have talked to my family about it in previous years and my mum doesnt think its anything serious, but my sister says she experiences the exact same thing and has considered light therapy during the winters. Sweden isnt exactly the best place to live if you suffer from S.A.D as it gets darker in october and that dark and coldness lasts until march/april... so basically half the year its dark and cold. I dont want to diagnose myself as that isnt something you should do, its more speculating. But each year during winter and when it starts getting darker i feel how my mindset changes and how everything becomes harder, i feel more tired and low and less happy. Also when it gets colder and darker i either lose appetite (due to stress or darkness...) or feel extra hungry, not to mention that my sleep routine messes up completely and getting out of bed gets so much harder as well as actually falling asleep.

From research i know that people in Ireland and Sweden have the highest (top 10) amount of people suffering from S.A.D so i guess it's not so strange, and my sister has mentioned the same feelings as me this time of the year. But in all honesty, whether its just the "winter blues" i.e a little tired, a little sad, a little unmotivated or an actual illness i dont know. But ive had enough of depression and feeling sad, so i am really hoping that i can fight these feelings that are starting to show now when the darkness and coldness is creeping in. I really dont want to feel sad and lethargic again, i barely got a month or two of happiness. Of course mental illnesses are just that - mental, and not just about hoping and wishing. But for now i am going to make sure that i dont start feeling more negative or "out of myself", and keep taking my D vitamin and get as much sunlight as i can!!

Some of you might feel the same way during the winter season and my best suggestion is to go to a doctor if you feel yourself struggling. Dont do like me and just google and speculate, hahaha. (But i know i have written about this previous years as it has been a reoccuring thing the past few winters).

Below are some links to articles if you want to read more:

Image result for seasonal affective disorder
Image result for seasonal affective disorder

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Sending nondiet messages to children

Ii saw this picture and i love it because it is such a great reminder for parents or parents to be. But even siblings and other family members or even teachers.... everyone basically.

I remember when i was younger i was always told to eat lots and take an extra portion whereas my sister who was bigger then me was always told to eat less by family members. (My parents never told my sister to eat less, it was just older family members such as grandparents and aunts).
My mum has always had a very healthy relationship with food where we grew up eating mostly whole foods - alot of fruit, vegetables, oats, lentils, beans and then on Fridays or Saturdays we would get to buy some treats such as chocolate or ice cream. My dad on the other hand is a big meat eater and we would eat meat while we stayed at his place and lots of white bread and ice cream with apple pie. But we had a healthy relationship with food, it was a balance.

But i believe that it can be very different in many other households where parents are very diet focused and that affects the children. The parents might talk badly about their own body or be on a diet or talk about good and bad food... or maybe they give food to children as a reward or feed the child lots of mcdonalds or processed food which isnt healthy either.  I dont have kids myself so i can only imagine how hard it is to raise children and the struggle of just getting them to eat or to be silent, so im guessing at times its easier to just give them some pasta and meat balls or give them a bag of crisps to keep them silent - but it is so important for children to get the right nutrition and all the vitamins and minerals they need!

Children often do what parents do, they hear their parents talking negatively about food or their body and that affects the children either consciously or sub consciously. Of course i understand that some people need to be on diets or eat in a certain way to lose weight even hwen they have children, but i am sure you can do it in a way that isnt so obvious, just eat smaller portions. But also not to label food as good or bad or have food as rewards, but that food should be something delicious and seen as fuel. Predominatly whole foods and then "treats" occasionaly. No good or bad food, just about moderation.

There is so much more i could write about this and i think it is an important topic which many need to consider. Sending diet messages or talking negatively about your own appearance can influence children who are near you. For example i believe that teachers play a huge roll in this as well, they can set a good example regarding food and body image if they send the right messages and teach good nutrition as well as positive body image from a young age!!

Stomach discomfort from eating beans - veganism answer

Hey! Great post - I found this really helpful. I really need some help though!

I am slowly transitioning into a vegan lifestyle and starting with vegetarianism. I have found that, since i have started eating this way, my stomach has been so unhappy. I only eat dairy once a day so I'm not consuming more than usual. I have found that lentils, beans and many vegetables upset me, but I thought this would get better if i stopped eating meat - it has gotten worse. It got so bad once that i thought id magically gotten pregnant and was having contractions! haha (not really just trying to explain the pain).

I would be so grateful for advice as i do not want to eat meat but this stomach pain is awful and I want to ensure that I am getting all the nutrients that my body needs.


 It's great to hear that you want to eat more plant based, and great that you are doing a transition as its usually easier that way :)

You aren't alone with the stomach pain due to eating beans, many people can feel that discomfort (ive never actually had a problem with it, but i think thats because ive grown up eating beans and lentils so my body has adapted.). The pain and stomach discomfort is because beans have fiber and they have a type of carobhydrate chain/binding that the body doesnt have enzymes to break down, so the beans go to your large intestine where they become prebiotics for your gut bacteria and that leads to gasbuilding in your intestine and leads to flatulence and bloating and pain. When you first begin eating alot of beans this is definitely an inconvenience for many and can make them unwilling to continue eating beans, however your body CAN and does adapt if you keep eating them. After a while of regular consumption of beans your stomach wont bloat as much and you wont get any cramps (or less).

My best suggestion is to slowly increase your fiber intake or your beans and lentils intake. Maybe just add some beans to your salad or to your lunches and dinners, and vary which beans you eat as well as different lentils.  It can be very hard on your stomach if you go from low or moderate fiber intake to suddenly alot of fiber. Fiber is beneficial and good for your body, but too much will leave you in pain!!! But also some people are very sensitive to fiber and need to eat a low fiber diet so that their stomach doesnt go crazy.

Other tips are to add baking soda or vinegar to water if you are soaking the beans over night, as that can help break down/leach out some of the undigestable starches. And also to change the water before you cook them, as well as making sure to rinse the beans properly before and after you have cooked them. Also make sure that the beans are cooked poroperly, this is both for digestive reasons as well as wanting to get rid of the antinutritionell substances and/or bakteria/toxins on the beans. Also i think you can get digestive enzymes which might help, if you really want to eat beans but feel that your body is taking a long time to adapt.

Keep making small changes and see how your body feels. And slowly increase fiber intake (ie meaning fruit, vegetable, seed, bean, oat intake as they all contain alot of fiber and adding a whole bunch of those into your diet all at once can definitely cause some stomach discomfort!) Also from what i understand is that if you have IBS it can be hard to consume beans or certain vegetables as that causes too much pain. But give it time and see how your body reacts :)

Your health comes first. But there are plenty of vegan options you can eat and try even if you cant eat fully plant based, a few plant based meals a day/week make a difference :)

Image result for benefits of beans
Image result for benefits of beans
Picture source: HERE (if you want to know how to cook beans or recipe ideas!)

I am not a nutritionist or a dietician but i try my best to answer from what i have learned at university as well as personal experience. Remember that if you ever have any pains its always best to turn to a doctor for proffessional advice :) As well as i have no legal rights to write meal plans, however i can give nutritional advice based on what i have learnt - but talking to a proffessional is always best :)

If you ever have any questions, just comment as i love being able to use my knowledge and to help you :)

Friday, October 21, 2016

Did veganism make me more healthy? My opinions on different plant based diets?

I have recently been asked whether veganism has made me more healthy and what my opinons on different plant based diets are, so i thought i would answer them in a post!

Its hard to know whether my change to veganism or change to a plant based diet has made me healthier or not. I was healthy before i went vegan, however i do believe that i was overconsuming dairy products as well as meat and eggs and that was having its effect on my body. At the time i went vegan i changed alot of things in my life as well, progressivly anyway... but within a matter of 2 months i made alot of changes to my life that made me happier and healthier so its hard to know how much of a role a plant based diet had. However i do know that a change to a plant based diet has done wonders for my stomach problems, before i had stomach pain weekly and i would be in so much pain that i had to cancel social events and would lie in bed and have the worst stomach cramps. But now that sort of stomach pain is maybe once or twice a month and then i often know that its because of too much fruit or too much fiber or other food which my body doesnt tolerate so well. With the change to a plant based diet i also introduced more carbohydrates into my diet. I wasnt scared of carboydrates, i ate plenty beforehand, but i also ate ALOT of protein and priortized protein in my diet... I didnt think in macronutrients but when i ate food i would plate up my protein source first and then carbohydrates. For example i would eat eggs or quark as a snack instead of fruit or sandwiches because eggs and quark where more protein rich.  But now with a vegan diet i have no stress about "getting enough protein" and my diet includes alot of carbohydrates which i feel is the best for my body right now. Who knows maybe in the future i will eat differently (still vegan!), but for now this works for me.

However veganism isnt just a diet change - then it would just be a plant based eater - i made myself more aware to the animal cruelty in the world. This has had both a positive and a negative effect - positive because i know i am making a difference, even if its just a small difference. But negative because i so badly want to do more, i mean its great that i dont eat meat or dairy or dont buy leather or fur, but what about the millions of other people doing that.... but i remind myself that all i can do is my best, and that doesnt mean being perfect either.

When it comes to skin, hair, nails i havent noticed a difference. Or well, i do take a multivitamin with a certain b12 sort which gives me spots, so i am going to buy a new multivitamin which has another type of b12 which wont give me spots!

And my opinions on different plant based diets saw as raw till four, completely raw, frutarian, hclf etc
   I dont think they are sustainable. And when it comes to being a frutarian or completely raw i cant imagine that the person gets all the nutrients they need as well as having to spend many hours eating and chewing each day and maybe not being able to have so much of a social life because 1) they are always eating their huge amounts of fruit or vegetables or because there is no food for them to order when going out to eat with others.

Also with the whole HCLF diet, i just think it must be so sad to not be able to eat oatmeal with peanut butter or eat trail mix with raisins and peanuts or to eat just plain food or not eat avocados (or very small amounts.) Fats are healthy and your body needs healthy fats. And of course everyone feels different with different ratios of the macronutrients, but you still need them in your diet and completely, or almost completely excluding a macronutrient from your diet is never healthy.

Not to mention that the fear of cooked food is not something i agree with. Sure, some raw food is good but humans have evolved and adapted so that we can digest and absorb cooked food, not to mention that certain food (i.e lentils, beans, certain vegetables) are all best absorbed regarding vitamins and nutrients, when they are cooked. So the whole "you can only be healthy if you eat raw food" can be very detrimental to some. Not to mention that if you only eat raw food chances are you wont be getting enough protein which can cause problems as well!!

My opinion is basically that as long as its vegan, eat it. hahaha. Your body needs variety and needs all the vitamins and nutrients from a range of different food. I dont think eating should be complicated or take up all your life or be a hinder in your social life. I mean sure, being a vegan sometimes means you need to bring your own food or read labels or say no when food with meat or dairy is served. But it shouldnt be complicated, i.e just bring your own food with you. I dont believe in any type of fad diets and i dont think they work long term unless someone is very radical, but usually a person become less strict over time.  When it comes to veganism... just eat vegan foods and stop caring about hclf or worrying about using oil in your food or panicking because you eat a cooked lunch etc

This is my opinion anyway!!

If you have gone vegan, have you noticed any changes? Do you feel healthier? What are your opinons on different diets?

(Sorry for the screenshots... to busy with school work to fix them!)

Anorexia to bulimia (masterpost)

Going from anorexia to bulimia is something slightly Taboo to talk about... you pretend it doesnt happen. The person who is sick doesnt want to admit that they went from full control, barely eating anything to suddenly not being able to stop their binges. People around you pretend it doesnt happen, or they dont know... they are just happy that you are eating again. But not knowing what happens behind closed doors.

However this is something i want to bring up, that going from anorexia to bulimia is NOT uncommon. It happen and with more people than 1.

When you are so restrictive, and starve your body all it does is scream for energy... it wants food but you deny it that. Food is one of the basic things we need to survive and without it or minimal food we dont last long.
  Eventually there comes a point when you feel you cant be so restrictive, you are just too hungry and so you eat something and suddenly you cant stop. It goes from 2 slices of bread to 6 cheese sandiwches & 3 bowls of cereal with milk followed by 2 handfuls of dried fruit.
   The anxiety over this overwhelming binge, this uncontrollable thing gives you so much anxiety that you purge to get rid of the guilt and the food..
   and then you might begin restricting the next day, to keep from binging. But restriction just leads to more binging and purging and the cycle continues.
 Ive been there, ive been through that phase. The restriction, uncontrollable binging due to hunger and then purging from the guilt. Only to restrict the next day.

If you go through this phase or go from anorexia to bulimia DONT feel ashamed. I know its tough, its tough mentally as its going from complete control (or what you feel is contrl√≥l, though not really) to absaloutly no control and huge binges.
 Talk to someone. This is my best advice... thigns CAN get better, but going form one ED to another isnt good. Just like going from anorexia to orthorexia, its just changing weird eating habits.

The binging happens because your body is so starved of energy. It just wants food. You can find yourself binging on high carb or high energy foods... i binged on cheese sandwiches, cereal and dry fruit as i had begun restricting and cutting carbs from my diet. Which WASNT good.

Returning to a meal plan can really help you, as it structurres up your eating habits. You eat several times a day and you know when and what to eat. And to keep away from binging.
   For me, i had to get rid of the foods i binged on for a while and then slowly return them into my diet. But i felt i couldnt eat them in a normal amount.
   For some, they prefer to have those types of foods as more staple items in  their diet so that they DONT binge on them later, and others need to cut their binging foods fomro their diet completely. So find what works for you.

Also finding distractions wehn you feel you will binge... go out for a walk, talk to someone, do something with your hands or soemthing to get you using your brain such as maths or sudoku? :)

TALK to someone. Eat regularly and DONT restrict certain food groups, that wont helop you, Also making sure you eat enough. These things will help to stop the binging.

Dont feel ashamed or embarrassed, this is in your head, but also binging is physical if you have gone from restrictive eating. Your body and mind are starving, and then it goes from being starving to just not being able to control the binges, that you binge just because.

Dont get trapped in different eating disorders, instead fight to break free. I broke free from anorexia, my binging & purging phase and even from my exercise addiction. (and of course self harm and depression as well). I am free from all of that, it took years of struggle and years of recovery but now i am healthy, happy and free. And YOU can do it as well.
Just ask for help and support and fight the voice in your head!!!!