Yesterday and today i have been thinking about why i've felt this way. Why i havent been able to sleep and i think its because i feel this inner stress.... this nagging anxiety and stress inside of me. And i havent been able to pinpoint why or what it is, but when thinking about it i've realised its because i feel i just want some quiet time. I feel that what i need and want right now is to not have any 'musts'. To not have to be somewhere, to not have to travel, to not have things i have to do. To know that i dont have to be anywhere or do anything, and just be able to do nothing for a few days. To be on my own, to recharge and unwind. The only time i feel i have peace is when i am at the gym or out walking or running.... then its like i relax, the stress and weird feelings go away. I feel calm, relaxed and very happy. Though i still feel very happy and positive in general now anyway, even if i have these weird feelings.
I think the first step is to realise what i feel and why and the second step is to do something about it. I think i need a day or a few days where i dont do so much, where i can get up at 11am if that is what i feel like... not feel like i have wasted the day then. Not have to be somewhere at 11am or do something at 12pm... just do whatever i feel like. On Friday i am going camping and hopefully that will help me relax... though i do have a little anxiety about it, which i think is adding to all these weird feelings. I dont know what to expect with camping, whether i will like it or not.... no control at all which is both positive and negative. All these mixed feelings at the moment, hard to know what i really feel.
But i think it will be nice to come home this evening, to just relax somewhat. Though on Thursday its a day of having lots to do and then early Friday morning we leave... so not sure how much relax time i will actually get. But doing some colouring therapy will hopefully help!!! :)
Not sure why i am writing this, i think i just felt i needed to write out my thoughts and it helps a little. To clarify my thoughts and feelings!! :)
Also now that it is July 1st, my goal for this month is to get rid of these feelings and to try to get 8 hours sleep each night. Find time to mentally relax and not feel so stressed!