Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, February 27, 2017

NEDA week - 2017

This week, February 26 - March 4 2017, its eating disorder awareness week. I have so many posts already so i thought, why not have YOU ask me questions/recovery questions you might have and i can make posts about them this week?

Whether its questions about recovery, binging, restricting, motivation, relapse or anything else you might have :)

Of course i am not a proffessional and it is ALWAYS recommended to seek professional care, but i can try my best to give advice from my own knowledge or experience. But maybe you have some questions or thoughts. Or maybe you just want to share something about your own recovery or progress and you can either do that via comment or email (but then title the email as guest post or recovery progress so i will know!).

Remember that recovery is possible and worth it. It is not always easy, but it is always worth it!! Dont give up, just keep moving forward each day and know that you always have a choice. You can choose recovery or to stay sick. You may not have choosen to be sick, but you can always choose to recover!!
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Start of a new course & busy being an adult

Hello and good evening everyone :)

I'll start off by saying that today has been far from a good day. Its been one of those days where i have just wanted to go back to bed and pull the cover over my head and just sleep until its a new day.

This morning i woke up with lasting stomach pain from yesterday, and it has yet to subside. The stomach pain also comes along with bloating and a nauseous feeling and just a general "i dont want to go outside, i dont want to be around people" type of mood. And no amount of painkillers lessens the stomach pain either, so its just to try to get through the day nonetheless.

I started my day off with going to the gym, though 10 minutes into the gym session i realised that it just wasnt going to work. Today wasnt one of those days where stomach pain lessens and goes away when i workout, if anything it got worse and there was no way i could tighten my core which is necessary during strength training. So not only did the exercise make me feel like getting sick, it also increased the risk of injury from not having the right form or technique during the exercise. So it was just to grab a mat and do some stretching before heading to school and waiting until my lecture began.

Today its the start of a new course which im both looking forward to but also feel a little irritated over the structure of the course. It will be alot of work and long days so i apologize in advance if blog posts lessen the next few weeks as there will be alot of school work. But there will also be alot of cooking - which is fun, but also means that i will have to cook and prepare food with meat, eggs, dairy which i dont feel like doing. Or i am "ok" with eggs and dairy but not with meat.... Though maybe i wont have to actually cut or prepare the meat, maybe i can just do the side dishes instead. I am also a little irritated because one of our mandatory cooking sessions is sponsored by a dairy business who will provide a whole bunch of dairy products for us to use and cook with - and then taste the recipes that they have provided. Part of me wants to skip this class in protest, as i did ask if i could do all the recipes but use alternative products (and buy them myself), but that was not allowed. I find it a little strange how a class can be "sponsored" by a company? Of course i wont be made to taste the recipes, but i will have to cook and make the recipes and it just puts me in a confusing situation and a situation i would much rather not be in.
But im not going to complain about it... atleast i get to go to school, but i cant say that i am excited about cooking with meat :(

However i am excited that i get to influence others and come with suggestions about vegan recipes so that is something positive anyway! Its a group project where we will choose 5 recipes and do a lecture about vegetables/beans which i find fun, and if im honest... i wish i could do the whole project on my own! I would have no problem standing infront of the class for 60-90 minutes holding a lecture about vegetables, beans, vegan diet and the benefits, the nutritional positives and negatives, what to think about, how to cook them, how they affect the climate and also how to combine and cook with vegetables and beans etc etc If you cant tell, im rather excited about it and wish i could just start right away instead of having to wait until we ´meet as a group!!

Aside from the stomach pain and start of a new course today has been a day of "adulting" - phone calls, emails, documents, applying for jobs, studying. Doing the laundry, cleaning, soon about to do my weekly food shopping and later finally get the chance to wash my hair, hahaha!

A long day with non stop stomach pain, but thats life.... sometimes you just have to do things and make the best of the day even if you would much rather just lie in bed and refuse to do anything.

I hope you have all had a good day and make the best of this week!!!


Sunday, February 26, 2017

Sunday evening thoughts/reminders

Important things I've learned in the last 6 months.
  • Always say yes to seeing friends
  • Eat breakfast every day
  • Recognize that positive change rarely happens overnight
  • Accept the fuck-ups, but try not to let them happen again
  • There is a song to remedy every situation on the planet
  • Appreciate the people in your life
  • Look for the good in everything
  • Try new things and try them often
  • Treat yourself as well as you treat others

source 


Maintaining a positive mindset is something you need to work on every day. You have to keep reminding yourself that everything will be okay.
— Bryan Kobayashi

Befriending my body the way it actually is, and not the way I wanted it to be, was the most important act of self-love. I stopped being overly critical with myself and learned seeing my body for all its miraculous functions and abilities, and in exchange I was blessed to experience the most precious love story. This love story isn’t relying on outer influences and factors. It’s a love story between me and the only person I will spend the rest of my life with for sure: myself. I will continue to work on deepening this loving relationship for the rest of my life. When I stopped hating my body, I was rewarded with a peace of mind that I wish everyone around me to experience as well.


 (via anna-learns-to-love-herself)

Don’t think about what can happen in a month. Don’t think about what can happen in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be.
— Eric Thomas


Healing is a choice. It’s not an easy one because it takes work to turn around your habits. But keep making the choice and shifts will happen.
— Yehuda Berg




Sunday - Full day of eating

Today was a day where i actually remember everything i have eaten and have taken a picture of it all (for other social media), so i thought why not share on here as i often get asked to write more food diaries or what i eat in a day posts.

I dont really understand why people are so interested in knowing how a person eats from morning to evening - because in the end, everyone needs different amounts. Not to mention that people eat different from day to day.

So just because i ate like this today doesnt mean i eat like this everyday. How i ate was based on 1) The food i have at home & 2) what i was craving based on what i had at home and 3) I have felt sick and had stomach pain all day so havent eaten as much as i would other days.

But i feel like i repeat this each time i make food diaries and i hoping you are all smart enough to 1) not compare your eating to me, 2) realise people need different energy amounts, 3) it doesnt matter how much/little someone else may eat in a day because people eat differently. I mean if i had all the time and money in the world and had access to lots of different food i would eat differently, and if i hadnt had stomach pain today i would have eaten differently today as well!

So:

Breakfast: 1 whole mashed sweet potatoe with blueberries, cashew nuts & 1 cheesecake bite & 1 vanilla protein shake which i mixed and poured into the bowl and mixed everything together.


Lunch:  10 spring rolls filled with "oumph", salad and vegetables. Dip sauce made out of 3 tbs peanut butter, soya yoghurt, sweet chilli sauce and some water.


Snack 1: Left over box of vegetables.


Snack 2: 2 cheesecake bites & handful of peanuts.


Dinner: c.a 2dl total of red and green lentils mixed together. Fried vegetables. total of 5 panfried bread. Handful of peanuts.





Night snack: c.a 450g soya yoghurt (i.e i ate the whole yoghurt pot today with the sauce as well)



There you see one full day of eating for me. Alot of nuts - as per usual. But usually there is alot more potatoes and a bigger night snack, but thats how today was :)

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Positives about choosing recovery - life without an eating disorder will always be better than life with an eating disorder

Recovery... its about getting your life back, its about regaining control, its about being able to live life and make choices that will make you happy and healthy.

Of course recovery from an eating disorder doesnt make everything better, for example you might struggle with other illnesses or other mental illnesses or maybe you have low self esteem, or you have bad relationship with your parents or family, or you have economic problems or you feel lonely or have no friends etc, those things dont automatically get better just because you recover from your eating disorder. Of course that shouldnt deter you from choosing recovery because it gets easier to deal with other things in your life when you arent struggling with an eating disorder at the same time. For example, i will always have CF, a chronic illness whReich affects alot of areas in my life but its easier to just deal with one illness than to deal with both CF and an eating disorder. And when i suffered from depression it was "easier" to just struggle with depression and not both an eating disorder and depression.

But also with recovery from an eating disorder i learnt to become more confident in myself, working with my self esteem and self confidence. Finding balance in life. Learning more about myself and getting stronger in myself and not being ashamed of who i am or what i like or what my opinons and thoughts are.  With recovery from an eating disorder i learnt to love myself, i learnt what health and balance is, i learnt to take care of myself and want to take care of myself. I learnt to be confident, to grow my self esteem, to be stronger mentally and physically. Learnt to make friends and not be so shy or always in my comfort zone. I learnt to cope with anxiety and negative thoughts, i learnt to cope with guilt and how to deal with tough times. Recovery taught me so much and made me grow as a person, and i am still growing and changing and becoming more mature.

For some, recovery also entails weight gain, but not for everyone. However for everyone who needs to recover from an eating disorder, it means changing thoughts and habits. Self evaluating and making the changes necessary to become healthy and free from your eating disorder.

Life may not be perfect or exactly as you thought even when you recover from an eating disorder. It can take months and years to feel at peace and healthy and balanced. It can take months to years to begin to love yourself and to feel truly free from your eating disorder, but it is not impossible. It is not just about settling either, but about making the changes until you know that you are not held back by an eating disorder, when you dont just compromise or think "Im healthier than i have been before, but maybe not where i want to be"... then you need to keep fighting.

Life without an eating disorder means freedom and feeling at balance and peace with yourself and with food and body image. You dont feel the need to harm yourself or compensate for food. You dont hate yourself or spend every moment wishing you looked like someone else. You dont spend hours trying to change your appearance or trying to be someone else. You dont worry about food or spend hours thinking about food and you dont feel guilty for eating differently or more. You dont spend your days thinking or planning or obsessing or worrying about food, its just a part of your life. You can live the life you want without being held back by an eating disorder.

Things happen in life that can make times tough and stressful, but life without an eating disorder will ALWAYS be better than life with an eating disorder. Because either way you go through tough times in life, but it will always be easier when you dont have an eating disorder controlling you or having to deal with one or more mental illnesses/illnesses at the same time.

Think about the positives of recovery and all the things you can and will be able to do and all the reasons why you can, should and want to recover!!!


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Image result for reasons to recover anorexia

Having more energy and working out more while eating less ?

Yesterday while listening to a podcast one of the guests on the pod talked some something which i could relate to, or something i have thought about and i think some of you might be able to relate as well.

The guest talked about how in the past she could run for hours each day and ate less than she did in the present, though she now runs and works out a lot less. She talked about how crazy she was in the past to run such long distances, but also wondered about how she even had the energy.... how could she workout so often and for so many hours but still eat so little. Whereas in her current life she eats more and works out less (though she of course mentioned that she is happier, healthier and more balanced now as well as weight stable and eating a healthy amount.)

This is something i have thought about before as well and have recieved questions and emails from people wondering the same thing.  Where did all that energy come from? People feeling like they are a failure because they just cant workout to the same extent they did in the past even though they are eating more.

At times i have wondered.... how could i workout so much in the past, when i would exercise from morning to evening and stand all the time, i never sat down unless i was forced to sit. However sometimes when i was so mentally and physically tired i would lie on the ground because i wasnt worth lying on a bed.... and there i would just lie, wishing more than ever that i could just go a day without exercising, but that never happened.  Where did the energy to exercise come from... because it sure wasnt coming from food? It came from obsession, it came from fear, it came from anxiety, it came from thinking i had to exercise. The energy to workout so many hours didnt come from food anyway, it was a mental energy and a drive and not a healthy one.

Now i could never workout to the same extent that i did in the past because my workouts arent driven due to fear or anxiety. They arent completed because i think i have to. I dont mind skipping workouts, i dont mind doing less exercise if i am more tired, i dont go out running even though im tired or just want to lie down, i dont stand all day long because im scared to sit down. My energy for exercise comes from food (so when the food energy is gone then i get tired and dont want to exercise anymore... until i eat and fuel myself again and have more energy.), but also workouts are affected by life and stress. If i havent slept enough or if i am very stressed then i will adapt the workout to my energy levels - or not workout at all.

What i wanted to say is that you are not a failure for working out less or for eating more. Life changes and you change. But also your workouts shouldnt be completed out of fear or anxiety, but they should be done because you enjoy them and want to workout.

Also a note, maybe you workout 5-6days a week and its done out of fun and enjoyment (yes thats possible), but maybe life changes and you need to cut down to 2-3 times a week instead, and thats ok as well. Exercise can be part of life but not your whole life, and like mentioned already... life changes and sometimes you cant workout as much as you would like to even if you enjoy it.

When i think back to the past i also realise that back then i had little else to do during the days apart from exercise, i wasnt in school or didnt have as much homework/school work when i was in school and i didnt have friends to meet and didnt have much else in my life apart from exercise, so that was all i did as well. Now i have alot more going on in my life so even if i wanted to workout more, that would mean spending less time on something else in my life and that is not something i am willing to do in my life right now.

Anyway, just some morning thoughts i had.... maybe you can relate or have felt the same way?